What Modern Love Really Looks Like

From a 20-person polycule to the challenges of dating after 50. [View in browser](~/AAAAAQA~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~~)|[nytimes.com](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0S_aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjQwNDE5Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyMDk0OSZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2NDIwMyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZh_HRyJmrVwHBFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD)[Continue reading the main story](#) [Ad](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0SmaHR0cHM6Ly9saXZlaW50ZW50Lm5ld3lvcmt0aW1lc2luZm8uY29tL2NsaWNrP3M9MTYxOTY2JmxpPU1BJm09YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDcmcD1NQV8yMDI0MDQxOSZ0ZT0xJm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOVcDbnl0QgpmH8dHImatXAcEUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAM~) [The New York Times Magazine](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TPaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vc2VjdGlvbi9tYWdhemluZT9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) April 19, 2024 Illustration by Christoph Niemann. FEATURES [[A photograph of a miniature model with two beds separated by a door.] Tonje Thilesen for The New York Times](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0ToaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xNy9tYWdhemluZS9zZXhsZXNzLW1hcnJpYWdlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyNDA0MTkmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTIwOTQ5Jm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTY0MjAzJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpmH8dHImatXAcEUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAM~) [The Modern Love Issue Can a Sexless Marriage Be a Happy One? Experts and couples are challenging the conventional wisdom that sex is essential to relationships. By Amanda Montei](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0ToaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xNy9tYWdhemluZS9zZXhsZXNzLW1hcnJpYWdlLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyNDA0MTkmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTIwOTQ5Jm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTY0MjAzJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpmH8dHImatXAcEUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAM~) [[Article Image] Illustration by Sophi Miyoko Gullbrants](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TnaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xNS9tYWdhemluZS9kYXRpbmctYWZ0ZXItNTAuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [The Modern Love Issue Online Dating After 50 Can Be Miserable. But It’s Also Liberating. You know so much more about yourself and your desires when you’re older that dating apps — even with all their frustrations — can bring unanticipated pleasure. By Maggie Jones](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TnaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xNS9tYWdhemluZS9kYXRpbmctYWZ0ZXItNTAuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [[Article Image] Illustration by Christoph Niemann](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0T8aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyNC8wNC8xNi9tYWdhemluZS9tb2Rlcm4tbG92ZS1jdXBpZHMtYXJyb3cuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [The Modern Love Issue What Modern Love Really Looks Like Cupid’s arrow follows a new path. By Christoph Niemann](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0T8aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyNC8wNC8xNi9tYWdhemluZS9tb2Rlcm4tbG92ZS1jdXBpZHMtYXJyb3cuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [[Article Image] Illustration by Tara Booth](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0T4aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyNC8wNC8xNy9tYWdhemluZS9maXJzdC1tZXNzc2FnZXMtbG92ZS5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjQwNDE5Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyMDk0OSZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2NDIwMyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZh_HRyJmrVwHBFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD) [The Modern Love Issue The 16 Messages That Led to Love Readers of the Modern Love column share the banter, emojis and wit that made them fall for each other. Illustrations by Tara Booth](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0T4aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vaW50ZXJhY3RpdmUvMjAyNC8wNC8xNy9tYWdhemluZS9maXJzdC1tZXNzc2FnZXMtbG92ZS5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjQwNDE5Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyMDk0OSZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2NDIwMyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZh_HRyJmrVwHBFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD) [[The author in an embrace with her boyfriend, Matty Davis.] Elinor Carucci for The New York Times](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TtaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xOS9tYWdhemluZS9kYW5jZS1sb3ZlLWRpc2FiaWxpdHkuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [Loving Him Meant Facing My Greatest Fear Living with a disability, I shielded myself from dance. Then I met him. By Chloé Cooper Jones](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TtaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xOS9tYWdhemluZS9kYW5jZS1sb3ZlLWRpc2FiaWxpdHkuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) COLUMNS [[Article Image] Illustration by Tomi Um](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TtaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xNy9tYWdhemluZS9odW1hbi1wZXQtbGlmZS1ldGhpY3MuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [My Boyfriend Said He’d Save Our Cat but Not a Stranger if Both Were Drowning The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on whether there is inherent value in human life more than any other kind of life. By Kwame Anthony Appiah](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TtaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xNy9tYWdhemluZS9odW1hbi1wZXQtbGlmZS1ldGhpY3MuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [[An illustration of two people.] Illustration by Nick Dahlen](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TvaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xOC9tYWdhemluZS9wYWJsby1uZXJ1ZGEtbG92ZS1wb2Vtcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjQwNDE5Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyMDk0OSZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2NDIwMyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZh_HRyJmrVwHBFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD) [Letter of Recommendation The Poems That Taught Me How to Love Lessons from Pablo Neruda’s mind-bending verse. By Nicholas Casey](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TvaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xOC9tYWdhemluZS9wYWJsby1uZXJ1ZGEtbG92ZS1wb2Vtcy5odG1sP2NhbXBhaWduX2lkPTUyJmVtYz1lZGl0X21hXzIwMjQwNDE5Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTEyMDk0OSZubD10aGUtbmV3LXlvcmstdGltZXMtbWFnYXppbmUmcmVnaV9pZD03NzY3NDk1MiZzZWdtZW50X2lkPTE2NDIwMyZ0ZT0xJnVzZXJfaWQ9YWE0OTFlZjdmMWQ5NjRlNDk3OWZiNzg0ZTc0ZTAxZDdXA255dEIKZh_HRyJmrVwHBFIbdHJpc3RyYW1iYWxkd2luOTBAZ21haWwuY29tWAQAAAAD) [[Article Image] Illustration by Najeebah Al-Ghadban](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TnaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xNi9tYWdhemluZS9zaW5nbGVzLXJvbS1jb20uaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [Screenland The Rom-Com That’s Responsible for My Marriage The 1992 movie “Singles” changed my life. By Sam Anderson](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0TnaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xNi9tYWdhemluZS9zaW5nbGVzLXJvbS1jb20uaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD01MiZlbWM9ZWRpdF9tYV8yMDI0MDQxOSZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMjA5NDkmbmw9dGhlLW5ldy15b3JrLXRpbWVzLW1hZ2F6aW5lJnJlZ2lfaWQ9Nzc2NzQ5NTImc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNjQyMDMmdGU9MSZ1c2VyX2lkPWFhNDkxZWY3ZjFkOTY0ZTQ5NzlmYjc4NGU3NGUwMWQ3VwNueXRCCmYfx0ciZq1cBwRSG3RyaXN0cmFtYmFsZHdpbjkwQGdtYWlsLmNvbVgEAAAAAw~~) [[An illustration of two women, a couple, relaxing at home. One woman professes love to her girlfriend, who appears unsure of how to reply. In the background, butterflies flit near a potted flower, which droops, its petals falling in the manner of the classic "she loves me, she loves me not" game.] Illustration by Tomi Um](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0T6aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xMi9tYWdhemluZS9naXJsZnJpZW5kLWxvdmUtcmVjaXByb2NhdGUtZXRoaWNzLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyNDA0MTkmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTIwOTQ5Jm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTY0MjAzJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpmH8dHImatXAcEUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAM~) [The Ethicist My Girlfriend Said She Loved Me. Should I Say It Back Even if I’m Not Sure? The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on whether it’s OK to profess love if you’re uncertain you feel it. By Kwame Anthony Appiah](~/AAAAAQA~/RgRoBMzHP0T6aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8wNC8xMi9tYWdhemluZS9naXJsZnJpZW5kLWxvdmUtcmVjaXByb2NhdGUtZXRoaWNzLmh0bWw_Y2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9NTImZW1jPWVkaXRfbWFfMjAyNDA0MTkmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTIwOTQ5Jm5sPXRoZS1uZXcteW9yay10aW1lcy1tYWdhemluZSZyZWdpX2lkPTc3Njc0OTUyJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTY0MjAzJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD1hYTQ5MWVmN2YxZDk2NGU0OTc5ZmI3ODRlNzRlMDFkN1cDbnl0QgpmH8dHImatXAcEUht0cmlzdHJhbWJhbGR3aW45MEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAM~) Stay in touch: Like this email? Forward it to a friend and help us grow. Loved a story? Hated it? Write us a letter at magazine@nytimes.com. Did a friend forward this to you? 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