Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Fri, 15 Sep

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Thank you for signing up to the NewsThump Daily Briefing! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Fri, 15 Sep. We hope you enjoy them! Don't forget, you can read everything we do completely free from ads, get exclusive access to subscriber-only pieces, AND support NewsThump, all for the price of a single coffee a month. Click below to learn more! [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( [Mermaids can’t be black insists man whose all-time favourite story stars a Middle Eastern man with fair hair and blue eyes]( [Old man and blond Jesus] A man has today insisted that Mermaids can not be black because they live in the sea, despite his own personal favourite story starring a middle-eastern man with fair hair, blue eyes and movie-star looks. [Read more »]( [Man in gym changing room seemingly intent on showing you his testicles]( [Two men in towels] A naked man is refusing to leave your field of vision until you acknowledge his magnificent plums. [Read more »]( [Man insisting American Bully XL’s should not be banned also surprisingly reluctant to leave his kids alone with one]( [Man with XL Bully Dog] A man who is insisting today that the American Bully XL should not be banned in the UK is also surprisingly reluctant to leave his kids in the same room alone with one while he quickly nips to the toilet. [Read more »]( [“Free speech means companies must be forced to give money to TV channels I like” insists moron]( [angry free speech enthusiast] GB News fan and borderline simpleton, Derek Williams, is today insisting that free speech means that free-market commercial enterprises must be forced to give money to his favourite television channels. [Read more »]( [Man offering sincere apology no longer sure he’s apologising for correct thing]( [man apologising] A man offering a heartfelt apology has started to question if he is, in fact, apologising for the correct thing, according to sources close to the incident. [Read more »]( [Interview with the f**king leaf blower guy]( [Leaf blower guy] As autumn approaches, thoughts turn to pumpkin pie, crisp chill mornings, trick-or-treat, Halloween, and the fucking leaf blower guy. To try and gain insight into this icon of Autumn, we sat down and spoke with him. NewsThump: F**king leaf blower guy, hello. F**king leaf blower guy: What? NT: Could you switch off that f**king leaf [Read more »]( [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](