Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Fri, 14 Jul

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Thank you for signing up to the NewsThump Daily Briefing! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Fri, 14 Jul. We hope you enjoy them! Don't forget, you can read everything we do completely free from ads, get exclusive access to subscriber-only pieces, AND support NewsThump, all for the price of a single coffee a month. Click below to learn more! [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( [Thundering shit-gibbon with no discernible talent or insight posts tweet]( [man disappointedly looking at his phone] An absolute thundering shit-gibbon with no discernible talent or insight has posted another tweet, it emerged. The tweet appears to be a faintly offensive comment on recent events that offers nothing remotely new or interesting to the debate surrounding the recent events but is just quite unpleasant. The tweet is the latest in a series of unpleasant and yet also really quite stupid tweets that the man, thought to be a catastrophic bellend as well as a thundering shit-gibbon, has posted over the past year or so. It is currently unknown if the man is stupid enough to believe the things he tweets or is cynical enough to realise that by tweeting vaguely unpleasant things it will mean that his tweets will most likely be shared by similarly unpleasant people and consequently give him some small sense of hollow satisfaction. What is currently known, however, is that the man is a weapons-grade prick. Prior to sending tweets, the man had a job that he wasn’t really very good at, and it seems that sending boring, stupid and unpleasant tweets seems to be some sort of compensation for the inadequacy he would have felt being by being not very good at his job. The man has a penis the size of an acorn, has never had a girlfriend, and has never, ever heard Marquee Moon. [Read more »]( [Pigeon desperately holding in bowel movement until man finishes washing his car]( [pigeon] A pigeon is today crossing its legs in a desperate attempt to hold in a bowel movement until that man on his drive has finished polishing his car. [Read more »]( [Kevin Spacey spotted calmly leaving court building holding his left hand and walking with a limp]( [A man's feet walking along the pavement] Kevin Spacey has been spotted calmly walking out of court it is revealed today holding his left hand and walking with a significant limp. [Read more »]( [“No one gets paid tens of thousands for a few minutes work unless they’re being exploited,” insist parents being paid tens of thousands to talk for a few minutes about Huw Edwards]( [older couple pixelated faces] "Huw Edwards paying tens of thousands of pounds to our son for just a few minutes of his time must be indicative of something more sinister," according to parents being paid tens of thousands of pounds for a few minutes of their time on TalkTV. [Read more »]( [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](