Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Mon, 05 Jun

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Thank you for signing up to the NewsThump Daily Briefing! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Mon, 05 Jun. We hope you enjoy them! Don't forget, you can read everything we do completely free from ads, get exclusive access to subscriber-only pieces, AND support NewsThump, all for the price of a single coffee a month. Click below to learn more! [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( [Government relieved as morons on the Internet continue to blame Gary Lineker for homelessness]( [An older man looking angrily at his phone] After a post about the plight of a homeless man went viral on social media because it was directed at Gary Lineker, a relieved government has asked if the Internet's morons could continue ignoring the people actually in charge of everything. [Read more »]( [Comedian in hi-vis vest promises more madcap humour]( [Boris Johnson in a high-vis vest] A slapstick comedian famous for making a fool of himself in a hi-vis vest has promised even more buffoonery and chaotic comedy moments over the months and years to come. [Read more »]( [Grandmother treated for shock after Internet search for a device to cool the air at home leads her to OnlyFans]( [old lady holding her hands in the air] An elderly lady has today been treated for shock after going on an unsuccessful online hunt for a fan. [Read more »]( [George Osborne disconsolate after learning the British public finally happy voting for man in hi-vis vest]( [George Osborne in a hi-vis vest] Former Chancellor George Osborne has today been left inconsolable after learning that the British voting public has decided they love a man in a hi-vis vest. After Norwegian comedian Viggo Venn won this year’s Britain’s Got Talent, with the backing of millions of voting Brits, Osborne was left ruing the years of groundwork he put [Read more »]( [Man still not ripped despite investing heavily in a copy of Men’s Health]( [overweight man reading a copy of Men's Health] A man is baffled as to why he doesn’t have abs of steel over a week after purchasing a copy of Men’s Health magazine. [Read more »]( [Brave Holly Willoughby somehow drags herself to work after the unprecedented trauma of being lied to by a man]( [Holly Willoughby as she returns to TV] Brave Holly Willoughby has returned to work this morning, despite the unprecedented trauma of being lied to by a man. [Read more »]( [‘It cooks in just 60 seconds’ says man waiting two hours for his pizza oven to heat up]( [Pizza oven in the garden] A man has insisted today that he can provide a lovely home-cooked pizza from his shiny new wood-burning pizza oven, which cooks pizza in just 60 seconds, after waiting approximately two hours for it to heat up. [Read more »]( [Bleary-eyed Club Wembley members finally emerge for the second half]( [Man sitting in an empty stadium] Club Wembley ticket holders have finally emerged into an empty stadium for the second half of the FA Cup final. [Read more »]( [Football fans struggling to decide which Manchester club they hate the most]( [Wembley Stadium ahead of the Manchester United vs Manchester City FA Cup final 2023] Football fans across Britain are facing a real challenge in deciding which team they hope loses today's FA Cup final and Manchester derby. [Read more »]( [Football fan left conflicted as FA Cup final pits team he hates against team owned by regime he despises]( [Fan left confused by who to support in FA Cup final] Football fan Simon Williams has admitted his difficulty ahead of today's FA Cup Final, insisting that believes he will be left absolutely devastated by whoever wins. [Read more »]( [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](