Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Fri, 12 May

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Thank you for signing up to the NewsThump Daily Briefing! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Fri, 12 May. We hope you enjoy them! Don't forget, you can read everything we do completely free from ads, get exclusive access to subscriber-only pieces, AND support NewsThump, all for the price of a single coffee a month. Click below to learn more! [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( [Court gives Archbishop of Canterbury three Hail Marys and two Our Fathers for speeding]( [Justin Welby the Archbishop of Canterbury] The Archbishop of Canterbury has been given three Hail Marys and two Our Fathers for speeding, it has been revealed today. [Read more »]( [Alexander Graham Bell surprised to get call asking if he’s been in a gas-powered motorised vehicle accident recently]( [Alexander Graham Bell receiving a phone call in 1876] In a most curious development, Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the year's most remarkable device known as the 'telephone', received an unexpected telephonic message yesterday. [Read more »]( [Millwall ‘firm’ offer to represent post-Brexit Britain at Eurovision with ‘No-one Likes Us and We Don’t Care’]( [A gang of football hooligans stood in front of a brick wall] Fans of Millwall football club have offered to represent the UK at the Eurovision Song Contest by performing a rousing rendition of 'No-one Likes Us And We Don't Care' for the rest of Europe. [Read more »]( [Toddler saving his deepest philosophical questions for bedtime]( [Parents of toddlers] A child will be asking some deep and puzzling questions at bedtime instead of asking them during the day like a normal person, according to reports this morning. [Read more »]( [Eurovision, Britain warned]( [Unhappy man at his laptop in the kitchen] British social media users are warned to expect an 'overwhelming tsunami of shite' in their feeds as the annual festival of pretending to like awful pop rolls around again. [Read more »]( [Brexiters propose Commonwealth Song Contest]( [Man giving a speech in front of a union flag] With Britain again expecting failure at the hands of its European neighbours at the Eurovision Song Contest, Brexiteers have demanded a complete withdrawal from the competition, and for it to be replaced by a Commonwealth Song Contest. [Read more »]( [Protesters to stand next to Prince Andrew in an attempt to get him arrested]( [Prince Andrew arrested while standing next to protesters] Anti-royal protestors have come up with the perfect strategy to finally get Prince Andrew arrested - stand next to him. [Read more »]( [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](