Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Tue, 02 May

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Tue, 02 May, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. [BP profits of £4bn a quarter during an energy crisis is just further proof that privatisation works, insists government]( [BP HQ as the company announces massive profits during an energy crisis] The government has reacted to BP making a £4 billion profit in the first three months of this year, in the midst of an energy crisis, by insisting it is just further proof that privatising essential state-owned services works really well. [Read more »]( [AI chatbots pass next intelligence milestone after researchers fail to find a single AI that would vote for Brexit]( [AI data centre] The evolution of intelligent AI continues apace, with the latest milestone in its continued development achieved after it was discovered no AI chatbot was willing to vote for Brexit. [Read more »]( [Audi and BMW locked in a desperate battle to release the most arrogant self-driving vehicle]( [A BMW and Audi, fighting to become the most arrogant self-driving vehicle.] Audi and BMW have entered a fierce battle over who can release the most arrogant and obnoxious self-driving vehicle. [Read more »]( [Biased BBC accused of failing to pander to every single one of man’s prejudices]( [Man angry at the BBC for not pandering to every single one of his prejudices] 46-year-old Simon Williams has insisted that as a licence fee payer, the biased BBC should agree with him on absolutely everything and prioritise reporting on the things that he personally believes are important. [Read more »]( [Concern that links to the Tory party could hurt Tories in upcoming elections]( [Tory candidate] As the local elections approach, there is a fear growing amongst Tories that links to the Tory party could hurt them in the upcoming elections. [Read more »]( [‘I won’t swear allegiance to some corrupt, self-serving, heartless institution’, insists man who proudly votes Tory]( [Man unhappy with swearing allegiance to the King] A man has insisted today that he will not publicly swear allegiance to a corrupt, self serving, heartless institution, despite proudly voting Tory at the last general election. [Read more »]( [King Charles to get a Prince Albert ahead of his coronation in honour of his great-great-great-grandfatherÂ]( [Prince Charles sitting in a chair and about to get a piercing] The King of the United Kingdom is to be adorned with a right royal piercing ahead of the coronation this Saturday, NewsThump can exclusively reveal. [Read more »]( [Some of the newest NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](