Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Thu, 27 Apr

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Thu, 27 Apr, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. [‘We didn’t want to win the stupid league anyway’ insist Arsenal]( [Emirates Stadium] Arsenal have insisted today that they actually didn’t want to win the Premier League anyway because it’s stupid. [Read more »]( [Genuinely mad scientist busy smearing excrement on whiteboard]( [Man scientists smearing shit on a whiteboard] After hiring a mad scientist in the hope of taking innovation to the next level, executives at a leading research firm say the initial results have been disappointing. [Read more »]( [Man left confused and frightened by ‘incoming call’ on smartphone]( [man shocked that someone is calling his phone] An incoming call caused bafflement and terror for 42-year-old Simon Williams, an IT service desk engineer at Oakey, Catherall and Sulley Insurance Ltd. [Read more »]( [Historic moment as staunch Yorkshireman crosses border into the south]( [Yorkshire man crosses into the south] The world watched on in amazement today as a staunch Yorkshireman made history by crossing his county border and visiting the south. [Read more »]( [Woke Disney cartoons harm my child’s development, insists man who is fine with them doing active shooter drills at elementary school]( [American man unhappy with Disney but fine with active shooter drills] A man who is boycotting all things Disney because of the 'psychological damage being done to children by their woke liberal agenda' is perfectly happy that his daughter needs to practice active shooter drills at her elementary school. [Read more »]( [Suella Braverman accuses Ted Lasso of joining the Guardian-reading Tofu-eating WokeratiÂ]( Suella Braverman has accused AFC Richmond manager Ted Lasso of joining the Guardian-reading Tofu-eating Wokerati after his show was used to highlight the poor treatment of asylum seekers in this country. [Read more »]( [Some of the newest NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](