Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Tue, 11 Apr

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Tue, 11 Apr, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. [Poo particles appalled to find themselves living on your manky old toothbrush]( [Manky old toothbrush almost worn out] After toothbrush scientists revealed that most toothbrushes are riddled with tiny pieces of human faeces, poo particles have announced they are disgusted by the findings. Microscopic traces of faecal matter are dismayed to learn that they’ve been living on a revolting toothbrush that should really have been replaced a good eighteen months ago. “When I [Read more »]( [Striking doctors are ‘out of touch’, insists party of rich old men who’ve never had a proper job]( [Steve Barclay, UK Health Secretary] The Conservative party has invoked 'pot-kettle-black' by suggesting that another large group of people are acting against the interests of Britain. [Read more »]( [People who post Succession spoilers the new paedophiles]( People who spoil your enjoyment of the new series of Succession are worse than kiddy fiddlers, according to Twitter this morning. [Read more »]( [Bud Light sales spike 600% from Conservatives buying cans to shoot]( [Man with a rifle about to shoot at Bud light cans on a fence] Bud Light sales are booming thanks to the people who are “boycotting” them. [Read more »]( [Are you ready to admit Brexit has been a disaster, or are you still clinging to a sunlit-uplands delusion, take our interactive test to find out!]( [Brexit supporter waving a flag] It has been three years since we left the EU, and much has changed - very little of it good. [Read more »]( [‘Labour’s attack ads won’t persuade us to vote for them’, insists electorate that was persuaded to vote for Brexit by a bus]( [Frowning older voter.] Labour's insistence that it will continue using attack ads in the run-up to the next general election has been met with resistance from an electorate that insists it is far too savvy to fall for simple slogans in adverts such as those you could fit on the side of a bus. [Read more »]( [Disappointment that A.I. still not sophisticated enough to take charge]( There was widespread disappointment throughout humanity that, despite the considerable advances made in the field of A.I. in recent years, it is still not yet sophisticated enough to take charge. [Read more »]( [Andy Robertson released from intensive care]( [Liverpool's Andrew Robertson in hospital] Liverpool defender Andy Robertson has been released from intensive care this morning after almost losing his life in a brutal assault at Anfield. [Read more »]( [Encouraging young boys to suck things is our turf, furious Vatican tells Dalai Lama]( [The Pope berating the Dalai Lama] The Vatican has spoken with outrage after footage emerged of the Dalai Lama asking a young boy if he would like to use his tongue, insisting this sort of behaviour is only allowed within the Catholic Church. [Read more »]( [Some of the newest NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](