Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Mon, 10 Apr

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Mon, 10 Apr, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. [Banks having a lovely day at the seaside]( [A branch of HSBC bank, alone on a sunny beach] Britain's banks are having a lovely day on the beach at Skegness for their holiday, thanks for asking. [Read more »]( [No one sure if the shops are open]( As Bank Holiday Monday continues, a crisis appears to have gripped Britain – no one is quite sure if the shops are open or not. [Read more »]( [Why Easter eggs should be part of a healthy balanced breakfast, by Jake aged 7 and three-quarters]( Jesus has claimed that whilst he has no problem with people celebrating Good Friday, maybe they would consider renaming it to something more appropriate. [Read more »]( [Man who loudly demanded chocolate eggs have ‘Easter’ written on the box didn’t go to church again this year]( A man who demanded chocolate eggs have the word ‘Easter’ written all over the packaging didn’t bother going to church again this year. [Read more »]( [Jesus rises from the dead to perform new miracle: Creating a family meal for 30p]( Jesus has risen from the dead and marked his resurrection by performing a brand new miracle of creating a family meal for just 30 pence. [Read more »]( [World bird population shows first signs of man-flu pandemic]( [Bird suffering from man-flue on a sofa surrounded by tissues] The world's agricultural communities are braced for a global avian catastrophe as the first man-flu cases are reported among the bird population. [Read more »]( [Woman blows ten years’ worth of saved Nectar points on gin for the long weekend]( Local woman Simone Williams has blown her entire 125,000 point Nectar account on gin which is expected to last her less than a week, it has emerged. [Read more »]( [Some of the newest NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](