Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Thu, 06 Apr

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Thu, 06 Apr, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. [Equality Act to be updated to include the line ‘all citizens are equal, but some are more equal than others’]( Equalities minister Kemi Badenoch is considering a change to the 2010 Equalities Act to ensure it more accurately reflects the priorities of the modern Tory government. [Read more »]( [‘Make my packet of minced animal carcass look prettier!’ demand furious Sainsbury’s customers]( Sainsbury's customers have reacted angrily after the supermarket chose to package their preferred style of minced animal carcass in a more environmentally friendly but less alluring manner. [Read more »]( [Man seemingly determined to out himself as an ignorant simpleton after posting a chemtrail conspiracy theory]( A man has this morning decided to publicly out himself as a low-information simpleton by pointing at the sky and loudly shouting 'chemtrails'. [Read more »]( [Further Tory corruption leaves Labour worried about how to secure their traditional humiliating loss in upcoming local elections]( After yet another Conservative MP was caught on camera willing to sell themselves to the highest bidder, the Labour Party has admitted it might be almost impossible to once again face an embarrassing defeat on the 4th May. [Read more »]( [If we suspended every officer suspected of sexual offences we’ll never get anything done, warn Met Police]( Suspending every officer who was suspected of doing something wildly inappropriate with a member of the public would leave the service critically short of staff, the Metropolitan Police have confirmed in a statement today. [Read more »]( [Some of the newest NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](