Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Wed, 15 Mar

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Wed, 15 Mar, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. Thanks again for subscribing! [Man who blames all of the nation’s ills on ‘migrants’ horrified to learn the only thing keeping the UK out of recession is net migration]( A man capable of finding a way to link any problem in society to the small boats crisis has been left bereft after learning that the only thing preventing a technical recession in the UK is net migration. [Read more »]( [Families living on breadline ecstatic that UK will avoid a technical recession]( Households living on the breadline across the UK have reacted with delight to the announcement by Jeremy Hunt in the Budget that the UK will not fall into a technical recession in 2023. [Read more »]( [Chancellor announces cuts to happiness, empathy and kindness]( Slower-than-expected economic growth and poor tax receipts have meant Jeremy Hunt has announced scathing cuts to happiness, empathy and kindness during the Spring Budget today. [Read more »]( [Britain ‘best in the world’ at claiming to ‘be best in the world’]( Britain is the best in the world at claiming to be the best in the world, according to new data released today. [Read more »]( [Man enjoying the thrill of Russian Roulette after trying to put seven pieces of paper into a shredder only rated for six]( A man was left rueing his luck once again after losing yet another duel with his cross- cut paper shredder today. [Read more »]( [Brian May no longer able to walk diagonally after being made a Knight by King Charles]( Brian May is fuming today after discovering he is unable to walk diagonally after being made a Knight by the King. [Read more »]( [A selection of NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](