Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Mon, 06 Feb

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Mon, 06 Feb, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. Thanks again for subscribing! [Man chooses his arrival at front of coffee shop queue as perfect time to read menu]( A London man has shocked fellow customers by choosing his arrival at the front of the coffee shop queue as the perfect time to review the options before him on the menu. [Read more »]( [I needed to borrow £800k to buy all of my children toothbrushes, insists Boris Johnson]( Boris Johnson has defended his decision to call in favours to borrow £800k, insisting he needed to borrow the money to make sure all of his children had a new toothbrush. [Read more »]( [Man City deny all charges after hiring new club lawyer]( Manchester City has denied all charges against them by the Premier League in relation to financial irregularities, according to their newly-hired hot-shot lawyer. [Read more »]( [After the Guardian-Reading Wokerati, Anti-Growth Coalition and Left-Wing Economic Establishment, who will the Tories blame next for their dismal failures? We look at the top five contenders]( The Tories have recently made a habit of blaming their dismal failures on non-identifiable groups who coincidentally have the means and motivation to thwart them at every turn - and they show no signs of stopping now! [Read more »]( [Manchester City’s funding irregularities disappear after Sheikh Mansour buys the Premier League]( Just hours after Man City were charged by Premier League with numerous breaches of financial rules following a four-year investigation, those same charges have been declared null and void by the league's new owner, Sheikh Mansour. [Read more »]( [Rishi Sunak insists he’s not on strike]( Rishi Sunak has insisted today that he is not on strike, despite doing literally nothing. [Read more »]( [Lorry driver announces plan to overtake 0.00000001mph faster than other lorry]( Users of a busy dual carriageway have been delighted by a lorry driver's plan to spend the next 45 minutes in an overtaking manoeuvre. [Read more »]( [USA shoots big balloon, wins cuddly toy]( America has chosen one of the big prizes from the top shelf after successfully popping a balloon with a gun from SUPER far away. [Read more »]( [Movie cops warn Catherine Cawood what happens to police 48 hours from retirement]( Being 48 hours from retirement is the single most dangerous point in a cop's career, movie police have warned West Yorkshire Sergeant Catherine Cawood today. [Read more »]( [The only reason my economic plan failed is because the financial markets are full of communists, by Liz Truss]( My economic plan for this country was a work of genius, and the only reason we are not reaping the rewards today is because the financial markets are run by communists and leftist ideologues. [Read more »]( [A selection of NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](