Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Thu, 19 Jan

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Thu, 19 Jan, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. Thanks again for subscribing! [Northerners would only spend levelling up cash on fags, booze and whippets, claims Sunak]( Rishi Sunak has defended the allocation of more levelling up money to the south-east of England by claiming that people in the north would only spend the cash on cigarettes, alcohol and dog racing. [Read more »]( [Latest holder of ‘World’s Oldest Person’ title hoping to avoid the curse that has struck down all previous incumbents]( After French nun Lucile Randon, the world's oldest person at 118 years of age, died on Sunday, the new holder of the title, Derek Williams, 116, is hoping to avoid the curse that struck down every holder of the title before him. [Read more »]( [If the planet is warming why did I have to scrape ice off my car this morning, asks Reform UK environment spokesperson]( After scientists announced that the last decade was the warmest on record, the Reform UK environment spokesperson has said that can't be true as they had to wear socks in bed last night. [Read more »]( [Rishi Sunak to carry on as UK leader citing no burnout whatsoever after doing absolutely nothing]( Rishi Sunak has decided to carry on as the UK Prime Minister it has been revealed today, claiming to feel as fresh as a daisy after doing f**k all since he started the job. [Read more »]( [A selection of NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2023 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](