Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Thu, 24 Nov

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Thu, 24 Nov, we hope they provide you with a few fleeting moments of respite from the calamity continually unfolding around us. Thanks again for subscribing! [6-year-old who still believes in Santa old enough to know the ‘Brexit dividend’ isn’t real]( 6-year-old Martha Williams has spoken of her excitement ahead of Santa's visit this year, before reminding the adults around her that she's old enough now to know that the Brexit dividend isn't real. [Read more »]( [Zippy, George and Bungle arrested in Qatar]( Popular puppets Zippy and George along with their slightly scary life-sized bear-friend and Bungle were rounded up by mounted police in Doha today, after repeatedly singing a song said to 'overtly celebrate and encourage a love of rainbows'. [Read more »]( [Americans to spend evening giving thanks for the stuff they have before getting up to fight in stores over stuff they don’t need]( Families across America will spend this evening giving thanks for everything they have, before waking up tomorrow morning prepared to kill for lots of things they really don't need. [Read more »]( [Thanksgiving turkey pardoned by Joe Biden should face death penalty, insist Republicans]( The Thanksgiving turkeys pardoned by President Biden this afternoon should face death by lethal injection after disrespecting the White House with its screeching and defecating, Republican hard-liners are insisting. [Read more »]( [Man who said Twitter was ‘full of bots and fake users’ now happy to let those same users make all of Twitter’s big decisions]( Elon Musk has decided to use Twitter polls to make the platform's biggest decision, despite insisting it was full of bots and fake users just a few short months ago. [Read more »]( [That money was just resting in my account, explains Michelle Mone]( Tory peer Michelle Mone has responded to revelations that she used the VIP lane system to personally profit from the PPE procurement rush, by claiming she was just safekeeping £29 million but would now return it and the government can spend it on nurses or sending kids to Lourdes. [Read more »]( [Man who bases his entire personality on second world war ideals really struggling with the idea of Germany being the ‘good guys’]( 67-year-old Derek Williams is today struggling with the idea that Germany could be the 'good guys', given his entire personality is based around imagining what it was like in the war. [Read more »]( [A selection of NewsThump T-shirt designs]( Have you checked out the latest NewsThump T-shirts? Click the image to see the full range! Copyright © 2022 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](