Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Fri, 05 Jul

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Thank you for signing up to the NewsThump Daily Briefing! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Fri, 05 Jul. We hope you enjoy them! Don't forget, you can read everything we do completely free from ads, get exclusive access to subscriber-only pieces, AND support NewsThump, all for the price of a single coffee a month. Click below to learn more! [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( [Reform voters ‘no understand why Nigel no live in big London house’]( [Confused old man] Reform voters across the country have been left bemused as to why Nigel Farage hasn't been installed in 10 Downing Street after such a successful evening at the polls. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Disillusionment with Labour Government sets in]( [Labour supporter disappointed by by-election wins] After almost an hour of Labour's new Government, disillusionment appears to have set in amongst the public. [Read the rest of this story »]( [WEF agent gets carpal tunnel syndrome after rubbing out all the Reform votes cast using pencil]( [Man with injured wrist] World Economic Forum agent Simon Williams is being treated for carpal tunnel syndrome this morning after a busy day with an eraser yesterday. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Re-education camp or the salt mines? Your options under Kier Starmer’s Woke Marxist tyranny]( [Re-education camp under the woke tyranny of Keir Starmer] As Britain awakes to the hellish red dawn of a Marxist government, many people are wondering what their options are now? Well, our handy guide is here to help you through. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Good news for the SNP as all their MPs can now travel in the same campervan]( [SNP politicians all fit inside a camper van] SNP Members of Parliament can now drive down to Westminster in the same top-of-the-range Campervan, after the election yesterday. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Nation hands massive majority to leader who got fewer votes than Jeremy Corbyn]( [Keir Starmet laughing at the idea of principles] In a result that has left voters wondering if they’ve somehow missed a crucial memo, the Labour Party has secured a record majority in the 2024 UK General Election, despite gaining fewer votes than Jeremy Corbyn in either 2017 or 2019. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Jacob Rees-Mogg to record album of Eurosceptic jazz]( The ex-Brexit Minister Jacob Rees-Mogg’s first project after being dramatically voted out of Government is to record an album of avant-garde Eurosceptic Jazz. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Reform UK celebrate successfully winning a parliamentary super-minority]( [Nigel Farage launches Reform UK manifesto] Nigel Farage's Reform UK are today celebrating after successfully winning a parliamentary super-minority. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Jeremy Vine already tripping his tits off]( [Jeremy Vine and the green screen] Veteran election reporter Jeremy Vine has embarked on his usual pre-election broadcast ritual by taking a load of drugs and hallucinating maps of the UK, pie-charts and various other election-themed visages. [Read the rest of this story »]( [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( Copyright © 2024 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](