Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Tue, 02 Apr

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Thank you for signing up to the NewsThump Daily Briefing! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Tue, 02 Apr. We hope you enjoy them! Don't forget, you can read everything we do completely free from ads, get exclusive access to subscriber-only pieces, AND support NewsThump, all for the price of a single coffee a month. Click below to learn more! [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( [Underfunded police to start removing protesters using Photoshop]( [Police using photoshop] The Metropolitan police have announced today that due to a lack of funding and available front-line staff, they will no longer be removing protesters by force, and will instead remove them using Photoshop. [Read the rest of this story »]( [There is no need to pause the development of AI tools, insists businessman who looks remarkably like a T-800]( [Terminator in the office] Despite the arguments made by leading figures in the technology sector, there is absolutely no need to pause the development of artificial intelligence, according to a man looking remarkably like a killing machine from the future. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Man continues joyless slog through great work of literature]( [Man reading great work of literature] A man has finally reached page 50 of Gabriel Garcia Marquez's seminal masterpiece 'One Hundred Years Of Solitude', 234 days after first embarking on the novel. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Touchingly optimistic woman asks husband to remember they’re doing something in May]( [Man and woman chatting on the sofa] A charmingly optimistic woman has asked her husband to remember they'll be doing something on the weekend of the 18th of May in the apparently sincere belief he won't forget all about it. [Read the rest of this story »]( [‘Gourmet burger’ bears zero resemblance to picture on menu]( [disappointing flat burger] A gourmet burger looks f**k all like its picture and its description on the burger restaurant menu, it has been confirmed today. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Man furious at Disney for ‘indoctrinating children’ celebrates taking his 7-year-old for First Communion]( [American man unhappy] A man who is furious at Disney for indoctrinating children through the use of ‘woke leftist cartoons' is today celebrating taking his child for their First Communion. [Read the rest of this story »]( [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( Copyright © 2024 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](