Your NewsThump Daily Briefing for Mon, 01 Apr

This is your daily summary of the topical jokes and stories on NewsThump.com [View this email in your browser]( [NewsThump Daily Briefing Header]( Hello from NewsThump! Thank you for signing up to the NewsThump Daily Briefing! Below you will find the top stories on our site for today Mon, 01 Apr. We hope you enjoy them! Don't forget, you can read everything we do completely free from ads, get exclusive access to subscriber-only pieces, AND support NewsThump, all for the price of a single coffee a month. Click below to learn more! [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( [Donald Trump’s legal woes could be over after finally finding a competent lawyer to represent him]( [Saul Goodman representing Donald Trump] Donald Trump has finally found a lawyer to represent him in his many ongoing prosecutions in the US, in the form of a hotshot lawyer who definitely won't take a plea deal. [Read the rest of this story »]( [What did Jesus do on the Monday, ask those enjoying the bank holiday]( [Man in a T-shirt shrugging his shoulders and looking at the camera] Confused holidaymakers are today seeking clarification from the world's Christian churches as to what exactly Jesus did on the Monday to warrant the current bank holiday. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus with the deadly sin of Gluttony]( [Man eating chocolate at Easter] Christians nationwide are celebrating being cleansed of sin by doing one of the worst ones. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Man who loudly demanded chocolate eggs have ‘Easter’ written on the box didn’t go to church again this year]( [Angry man defending things he likes] A man who demanded chocolate eggs have the word ‘Easter’ written all over the packaging didn’t bother going to church again this year. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Why Easter eggs should be part of a healthy balanced breakfast, by Jake aged 7 and three-quarters]( [easter eggs] Chocolate Easter eggs offer lots of health benefits and should form a large part of your breakfast this morning, according to 7-years olds everywhere. [Read the rest of this story »]( [Patriots ready to celebrate the resurrection of a man they would have dismissed as a woke snowflake if he was alive today]( [Unhappy man to celebrate Easter] British patriots are today celebrating the resurrection of a man whose very actions and words would, in today's parlance, have earned him the title of 'woke snowflake.' [Read the rest of this story »]( [SUPPORT NEWSTHUMP AND GET EVERYTHING AD-FREE!]( Copyright © 2024 Thump Publishing Limited, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you asked us to send you a daily summary of NewsThump's headlines. A wise choice, may we add. Our mailing address is: Thump Publishing Limited 40 Caversham RoadReading, Berkshire RG1 7BT United Kingdom [Add us to your address book]( Want to change how you receive these emails? You can [update your preferences]( or [unsubscribe from this list](. [Mailchimp Email Marketing](