Handling Sibling Rivalry

Insights that parents often find surprising. Learn better. Play smarter. | [View this email in your browser]( Parenting made simpler. Written by experts. Designed for intentional parents. Be a Plinkit Pro Thank you for reading! This newsletter is made possible through Plinkit Pro membership support. Please consider being a [PLINKIT PRO]( if you aren't already, to enjoy access to all our expert guidance and events. No ads. No sponsored content. Just original, time-saving, practical insights written in partnership with the best child development experts. Or, [email us](mailto:hello@myplinkit.com) to find out how your entire school or workplace can benefit from [PLINKIT PRO.]( [BE A PLINKIT PRO]( Handling Sibling Rivalry Sibling rivalry and fighting is an age-old parenting pain point. “How do I make them get along?" we’re often asked. The bickering, the goading - it can make even the best of us lose our wits. It’s a timeless question because simply put, sibling rivalry is a normal part of family dynamics. As much as we may want to find a quick solution or remove the source of the fight, the key is to teach our children how to healthily communicate through conflict and disagreement. Parents often find our favorite insights on handling sibling rivalry surprising. For example: - Avoid forcing them to 'get along' - Each child is an individual with different wants, interests, desires and needs. When you fill individual needs rather than focus on finding ways for siblings to play together, sibling dynamics can improve. - Although positive sibling relationships can't be constructed or enforced, in general, there can be opportunities to set up positive engagement. Building in family routines that facilitate connection is a great start. - P-a-u-s-e before intervening - It allows children to develop important problem-solving skills and to find creative ways of working things out that, with grown-up intervention too early, would prohibit social and emotional learning. Not every behavior between siblings needs to be attended to. - If behaviors are escalating or becoming aggressive, step in to ensure physical and emotional safety. The priority should always be safety, but try not to solve their problems for them. - Reinforce the behavior you want to see, rather than drawing attention to the behavior you want to diminish - So, the next time you see a sibling say or do something kind, or you see them working together, call it out and praise them. Reinforcing positive behavior is more effective than punishing bad behavior. - When it comes to 'winning' and 'losing' games, focus on validating the feelings the child is experiencing - this includes both for the child who loses and for the child who wins. How do you make this all happen? What words can we use in-the-moment? How does a parent know when things are 'overly competitive'? Our partners at [Therapy Lab Kids]( weigh in with their expert scripts, tools and strategies to help bring 'peace' into the home when handling sibling rivalry. (A special thanks to Lindsey Sherer, LICSW, Rachel Mathiak, LCSW and Elizabeth Collison, Ph.D. for their thoughtful contributions.) P.S. We love cooperative games for teaching how to cope with the experience of 'losing' because they focus on losing to achieve a common goal vs. losing to a particular family member. Below are three games that are on frequent rotation at Team Plinkit, and we’ve curated more favorites in our articles. Which ones do you enjoy? [MORE TIPS FOR HANDLING SIBLING RIVALRY]( LEARN + DO [Understanding Sibling Rivalry - What's Going On?]( Discover why sibling rivalry exists, what 'overly competitive' looks like and key advice from expert therapists. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2023%2F03%2Funderstanding-sibling-rivalry-family-conflict%2F) [Share]( LEARN + DO [Scripts, Tool and Strategies for Handling Sibling Rivalry]( Tangible strategies for handling the most common sibling rivalry situations, including playing ‘winning’ and ‘losing’ games, dealing with snarky behavior and ideas for ‘getting along’. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2023%2F03%2Fsibling-rivalry-family-conflict-strategies-tips%2F) [Share]( LEARN + DO ["Wheel of Choices" - Resolve Social Conflict Independently]( Does your child know "Three Before Me"? A conflict resolution tool to teach your child how to solve their own social conflicts. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2018%2F02%2Fwheel-choices-framework-resolving-social-conflict%2F) [Share]( LEARN + DO ["I" Messages - A Helpful Technique for Conflict Resolution]( Teach your child this simple phrase to help them express their emotions and desires during conflict. A proven technique used across classrooms. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2017%2F10%2Fi-messages-helpful-technique-conflict-resolution%2F) [Share]( LEARN + DO [10 Ways to Teach Your Child Kindness]( Simple prompts to help promote kindness. Teach your child patterns of kind behavior and how to actively choose kindness. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2023%2F02%2Fhow-to-teach-children-to-be-kind-and-promote-kindness%2F) [Share]( SHOP + PLAY [Outfoxed!]( A fun way to develop deductive reasoning and working memory. High replay value - beautifully interactive (lovely cards, sweet figurines) and each game reveals itself differently. [BUY NOW]( SHOP + PLAY [Cauldron Quest]( An interactive mix of randomness, shared decision-making and problem solving with a gripping theme. Every child wants to roll the magic dice! [BUY NOW]( SHOP + PLAY [Forbidden Desert]( A crowd-pleaser among older children. The strategic discussion alone on using different tactics and character strengths to work together and 'survive the storm' makes for fun family togetherness. [BUY NOW]( Learn better. Play smarter. [EXPLORE OUR TOPICS]( FOLLOW US: If you liked what you read, FORWARD to a friend! Our content is written in partnership with the best child development experts. No ads. No sponsored recommendations. Just original content. This email was sent to {EMAIL} [why did I get this?]( [unsubscribe from this list]( [update subscription preferences]( Plinkit · Parenting made simpler. · Written by experts. Designed for intentional parents. 049712 · Singapore [Mailchimp Email Marketing](