Quick Tips for Setting Limits

Easy-to-remember scripts for setting limits | Return-to-office worries? | Must-reads for Women's History Month Learn better. Play smarter. | [View this email in your browser]( Parenting made simpler. Written by experts. Designed for intentional parents. Be a Plinkit Pro Thank you for reading! This newsletter is made possible through Plinkit Pro membership support. Please consider being a [PLINKIT PRO]( if you aren't already, to enjoy access to all our expert guidance and events. Membership support allows us to keep bringing you time-saving and practical child development insights. [BE A PLINKIT PRO]( Quick Tips for Setting Limits We get a lot of questions about how to handle tantrums, defiance and sassy language around this time of year. March is a long month for children (deep in the learning weeds), for teachers (parent-teacher conferences and nailing learning outcomes) and for parents (so many competing priorities) - let alone struggling to process world events. And while we have many Plinkit articles for how to deal with a child’s challenging behavior, guess what's our preferred strategy?...setting limits beforehand. Setting Limits is a Prevention Strategy All children need healthy limits and to know that adults are in charge. Giving a child too much power feels scary to them, so limits help them feel safe. We often assume children "just know" what we expect, but many children need explicit expectations. And that clarity can be delivered in a clear, yet playful and nurturing way. All children also test limits and that's absolutely normal. Here’s some easy-to-remember tips for setting limits, especially when emotions start running high between parent and child (more strategies in our Plinkit articles below): - Start with "I know" - This is one of the quickest ways to immediately connect with your child, validate their feelings and lead with empathy to take their perspective. - Breathe, get down and look at your child in the eyes - Remember that challenging behavior is just a symptom, so a calm initial connection can go a long way in being a a detective to uncover the root cause. - For younger children, emphasize "Choice" and "Continue Later" - Choice - For example, "It looks like you’re not putting on your shoes by yourself. You can either put on your shoes by yourself now, or I can lift you up, bring you to the car, and put on your shoes myself. What’s your choice?" - No over explaining. No negotiating. - Continue later - For example, "I see you’re still busy reading. It’s time to get dressed for school. First get dressed, then you can go back to reading." By reminding your child that not now doesn't mean not ever, your child can still feel like they have control, but you have set the priority. - For older children, partner on a solution - Staying connected with your child and getting their buy-in will go a lot farther than going head-to-head on a power struggle. - For example, "This morning I was really late to a meeting because we didn’t get out of the house on time. That didn't work for me. When that happens, I need to spend more time catching up on work, which means I have to miss dinner. What do you think we could do to make our mornings go more smoothly?" Stay lovingly detached but set the limit on what doesn’t work, and process together. - Follow-through on [logical consequences.]( Be consistent - Avoid threats. Avoid reasoning too much. (This is probably the #1 weak spot we see.) - Praise! - Praise process and positive behavior, focusing on the ability to self-regulate and to be a flexible thinker. - "Thank you for being a 'first-time listener'. I know you didn’t want to do ___, but I saw how you focused your body and mind. Great effort!" - "I love how flexible your brain can be. You wanted to do ___, but instead you did ___. Way to go, Superflex!" Ultimately, we’re not in control of when our children calm down. So setting a limit before things escalate can be a lot more effective and efficient than managing through big feelings when your child is dysregulated. P.S. After we published [How to Talk to Your Kids About Ukraine,]( it became widely circulated among schools and employers. But the world continues to feel heavy. If you haven’t already talked to your child about the conflict in Ukraine, talk now or wait? Our short answer - Talk now, if you want to be the askable parent and if you have a school-aged child who may otherwise learn about it from someone else. ([Our age-by-age guide to What You Could Say]( If you’re able, please consider joining us in donating to [Voices of Children]( and [International Rescue Committee.]( Return-to-Office Worries? How do you prepare your child for a new return-to-office routine? How do you manage your child’s separation anxiety? Bring one of our engaging Conversation Circles to your employer to ease return-to-office worries. Thank you to our friends at Sephora HQ for warmly inviting our Founder Charmaine to share our Plinkit resources with their parent community. Big round of applause to progressive employers, like Sephora, for creating a supportive and authentic working parent culture. Email us at hello@myplinkit.com to learn more. 6 Must-Reads for Women's History Month (for All Genders) [Think Big, Little One]( (another version for [readers]( [Shark Lady]( [What Miss Mitchell Saw]( [Wilma Unlimited]( [The Girl Who Thought in Pictures]( [Planting Stories]( PLINKIT POST [How to Encourage Listening]( A simple sequence for helping your child develop the habit of paying attention to you - the first time you ask. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2017%2F08%2Fget-child-listen%2F) [Share]( PLINKIT POST [What to Do and Say When Your Preschooler Hits]( *How* to set clear boundaries and respond to your child (with example scripts) when there is hitting, kicking, biting behavior. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2020%2F01%2Fwhen-your-preschooler-hits-part-2-what-to-do-and-say%2F) [Share]( PLINKIT POST [What to Say and Do When Your Child Interrupts]( Learn why children interrupt, what to say to set boundaries, and strategies for modeling patterns of respectful communication. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2020%2F02%2Fwhat-to-say-and-do-when-your-child-interrupts%2F) [Share]( PLINKIT POST [How to Get Through Transitions Peacefully]( Discover the strategies teachers use to effectively help children move from one activity to the next. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2018%2F06%2Ftransitions-part-2-peacefully-get-transitions%2F) [Share]( PLINKIT POST [Tantrums - What You Could Do]( Bite-sized with simple scripts for what to do in the first 5 minutes. Learn what "Connect, then redirect," looks like in practice. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2017%2F09%2Ftantrums-part-2-could-do%2F) [Share]( PLINKIT POST [How to Handle Disrespectful Language and Tone of Voice]( Identify why your maturing child may be using disrespectful language and how to respond in the moment. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2021%2F05%2Frude-language-and-disrespectful-tone-in-kids%2F) [Share]( PLINKIT POST [What Anger Looks Like]( An age-by-age guide to what anger looks like and questions to consider if you're wondering if your child’s anger is typical or problematic. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2021%2F03%2Fangry-behaviors-in-children%2F) [Share]( PLINKIT POST [Discipline for Older Children - What's Going On?]( Learn why maturing children struggle with challenging behavior and how they need a different approach to discipline. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2022%2F02%2Fdiscipline-older-children-developmental-behaviors%2F) [Share]( PLINKIT POST [Discipline for Older Children - What You Could Do]( In-the-moment concepts to practice, including scripts you can say, when you encounter problematic behavior with your maturing child. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2022%2F02%2Fdiscipline-older-children-what-to-do%2F) [Share]( PLINKIT POST [5 Foundational Practices to Implement Before Discipline]( Key behavioral practices you should implement before you get to the tipping point of discipline. [READ MORE]( [Forward](mailto:?subject=Something%20Interesting%20from%20Plinkit&body=I%20found%20this%20Plinkit%20article%20interesting%20and%20thought%20you%20would%20too.%20Check%20it%20out%3A%20https%3A%2F%2Fmyplinkit.com%2F2022%2F02%2Ffundamentals-before-disciplining-your-child%2F) [Share]( Learn better. Play smarter. [EXPLORE OUR TOPICS]( FOLLOW US: If you liked what you read, FORWARD to a friend! Our content is written in partnership with the best child development experts. No ads. No sponsored recommendations. Just original content. This email was sent to {EMAIL} [why did I get this?]( [unsubscribe from this list]( [update subscription preferences]( Plinkit · Parenting made simpler. · Written by experts. Designed for intentional parents., California 94118 · USA [Mailchimp Email Marketing](