Talking to Your Child About 9/11

Learn better. Play smarter. | [View this email in your browser]( Parenting made simpler. Written by experts. Designed for intentional parents. Talking to Your Child About 9/11 "We must challenge ourselves to look back - for the sake of our children and their children. For that same reason, we must also look forward." - Vice President Kamala Harris As we reflect on this twentieth anniversary of 9/11, we wanted to take a moment to share our thoughts in today's newsletter on the question we were asked most this week: "Should I talk to my child about 9/11? If so, at what age? What’s developmentally appropriate?" At Plinkit, we’re committed to being intentional in how we raise our children - and that includes dealing with the hard stuff. 9/11 remains one of the most traumatic events of the century for Americans and for the world. It was a dreadful terrorist attack that with a single image, can painfully transport adults back in time. But what do we say to our children who have no memory of that day? - For preschoolers and Kindergarteners - They are too young developmentally and emotionally for an information lesson on 9/11. - For young school-aged children - It depends. There is no 'right' age for what you should say by when, in part because how much you say depends on your family’s values, circumstances and several factors in your child’s development. (More below.) While parents understandably don’t want to cause anxiety and distress in their children, we also shouldn’t shy away from difficult conversations if our children are ready for it and want to learn more. It's also our opportunity to shape their narrative so that we can address their reaction, especially if it may be discussed at school or among peers. So we've put together some frameworks below to help guide your thinking. Or, try our favorite books to kickstart a conversation. You know your child best. Just remember in your conversations that: - Children need to feel safe, emotionally and physically. (Especially on the heels of moving through the pandemic.) This means we need to create a supportive and loving space for their ongoing questions, thoughts and feelings. - Children respond to the social cues they get from us. They look to us for how to move through hard moments and discomfort. Twenty years on and the clarity of 9/11 is still vivid for many. Its impact is far-reaching with age-appropriate opportunities for learning, as uncomfortable and challenging as it may be. It's also a reminder of hope, compassion, resilience, and community - all of which are life lessons for our children that are always relevant. . . . . . . . . . . Some Frameworks to Consider How much you say depends on your family’s values, circumstances and your child’s: - Developmental age and maturity. - Exposure to uncomfortable or upsetting information, including death. - Cognitive ability to discern between reality and fiction. - Ability to manage uncertainty and understand what is probable and improbable. - Ability to articulate feelings (discomfort, fear, anxiousness, worry, sadness, confusion, etc.). - Exposure to respectful disagreement and different points of view. - Ability to think critically and formulate "I wonder" questions. General considerations for talking about upsetting news events with children: - Sit and talk at your child’s eye-level, talk more slowly than you think you need to. - State true facts. Keep it brief. (Children do not need every detail.) - Be concrete and specific. Use simple language. Avoid generalizing about groups of people. Avoid graphic images. - Be prepared for follow-on questions, most likely about details. Children like specifics. - Validate your child’s feelings. All emotions are valid. - There is no right way or wrong way to process information. - Pay attention to your child's body language and actively listen for their questions and answer them. Let your child do the talking. - Listen for what your child already knows and where you might need to lean in with more education. - If you don’t know an answer, say "I don’t know yet, but I can find out and let you know, " or “We can find out together.” - If your child doesn't feel like talking, don’t force it. Just let them know you’re ready to listen if they want to talk. - Keep your own open-ended questions to a minimum, as your child may not be able to process or emotionally handle significant conversation. - Encourage your child to "Look for the helpers", as Fred Rogers famously said. - Point out hopeful and positive elements like how people take care of each other, how people work hard to make sure we’re safe, and how upstanders raise their voices to speak out against prejudice, discrimination and social injustice. - Find ways for your child to take action and help too. - Model coping techniques. - Be authentic with being uncomfortable - Share how you deal with unsettling thoughts and worries; share how you plan to process them. - Be mindful of media consumption. - Go outside, take a walk. Re-discover how the world is filled with many wonderful everyday things that are interconnected. READ + SHARE [September 12th]( Through the vibrant art of first graders, the world is gently reminded to move forward. [BUY NOW]( READ + SHARE [Fireboat]( Based on the inspiring true story of how a retired New York City fireboat became an iconic hero on 9/11. A wonderful way to honor a community of helpers. [BUY NOW]( READ + SHARE [The Man Who Walked Between the Towers]( Multiple award winner. A celebration of the Twin Towers as extraordinary works of joy and grace. [BUY NOW]( READ + SHARE [14 Cows for America]( Heartwarming. A tale of generosity and compassion that spans cultures and communities with stunning illustrations. [BUY NOW]( READ + SHARE [This Very Tree]( Beautifully told from the perspective of the Callery pear tree that survived 9/11. Moving artwork and story. [BUY NOW]( Learn better. Play smarter. [EXPLORE OUR TOPICS]( FOLLOW US: Thanks for being here. If you liked what you read, FORWARD to a friend. 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