Are babies ruining friendships?

The MoJo Daily newsletter, Monday through Friday. [View in browser]( [Mother Jones Daily Newsletter](     September 11, 2023 [Have kids ruined friendships](? That's the big question posed in New York's latest cover story—and I can't stop thinking about it today. The premise, from a writer without children, is that the arrival of babies among people of child-bearing age introduces an insurmountable divide between friends who have them and those who do not. I have some strong feelings about the piece, which naturally reflect my own biases. But it's worth pointing out that the story shares the same news cycle as today's look at the [astronomical costs of childcare in New York](. Take a look at this stat from the Times: A New York City family would have to make more than $300,000 a year to meet the federal standard for affordability—which recommends that child care take up no more than 7 percent of total household income—to pay for just one young child’s care. In reality, a typical city family is spending over a quarter of their income to pay for that care, [according to the U.S. Department of Labor](. It's the convergence of these two stories that interests me. Now, I can only speak from my experience. But for me, the burdens of child care—financial, emotional, and so forth—have forced a specific kind of intentionality. A clear understanding of who you're okay losing touch with—and who you'll go out of your to meet in Mallorca because it means that much to the both of you. A balancing act of being bone-tired on the one hand, and how many drinks can I reasonably consume in one night with this mid-30s body, on the other. Some people have to consider these questions more than others. But isn't age to blame, more than any other factor, including kids? After all, I know plenty of people without children who don't consider their [Saturday nights "sacred](." If a divide exists, is it really something to bemoan? I've found that arriving at an age that forces me to become more deliberate about my time immensely clarifying, something that has only deepened the friendships I do make time for. Those people have, in turn, become something akin to family members—people who, in their own way, pitch in when the rest of the systems around us fail so astoundingly. —Inae Oh Advertisement [House Subscriptions Ad]( [Top Story] [Top Story]( [Restore Roe, or Go Beyond It? The Question Is Fracturing the Abortion Rights Movement]( “We have an opportunity here to build something better, and we're not even talking about it.” BY MADISON PAULY SPONSORED CONTENT FROM HEIFER INTERNATIONAL   Match Alert - Your Gift Today Will Have 3X The Impact! Right now, every dollar you give to Heifer International will be MATCHED with Two more, which means 3X the children fed and 3X the impact! Your gift will give families around the world the resources, education, and opportunity to thrive. [Make a difference today!]( [Trending] [We're thinking about climate risk all wrong]( BY DAVID SPRATT   [Russian military continues to kill aid workers in Ukraine]( BY SAMANTHA MICHAELS   [Here's how to help Morocco recover from its deadly earthquake]( BY ARIANNA COGHILL   [Detective McDavitt and the curious case of the clown wedgefish]( BY BRIAN HOWEY Advertisement [House Bookshop Ad]( [Special Feature] [Special Feature]( [A debate over fetal viability is fracturing the abortion rights movement.]( It's "talked about as this very simple line in the sand, and that couldn't be further from the truth.” BY MADISON PAULY [Fiercely Independent] Support from readers allows Mother Jones to do journalism that doesn't just follow the pack. [Donate]( Did you enjoy this newsletter? Help us out by [forwarding]( it to a friend or sharing it on [Facebook]( and [Twitter](. [Mother Jones]( [Donate]( [Donate Monthly]( [Subscribe]( This message was sent to {EMAIL}. To change the messages you receive from us, you can [edit your email preferences]( or [unsubscribe from all mailings.]( For advertising opportunities see our online [media kit.]( Were you forwarded this email? [Sign up for Mother Jones' newsletters today.]( [www.MotherJones.com]( PO Box 8539, Big Sandy, TX 75755