Get to these games for guaranteed weirdness

Plus, at long last, a fine artist paints a portrait of Ben [Ben's Biz Beat]( [By Benjamin Hill]( March 23, 2023 For years I have championed the increased usage of the word “penultimate,” which, of course, is a more elegant way to say “second to last.” Therefore, I would like to point out that this is the penultimate offseason edition of the Ben’s Biz Beat Newsletter. I know those who are already in the pro-penultimate camp will enjoy it. And if you’re antepenultimate? Please know that that’s just a more elegant way to say “third to last.” Got it? Good. Let’s talk about Minor League Baseball.   [The RiverDogs celebrate a title] 2023 MINOR LEAGUE PROMOS: FIVE WEIRD ONES Over the last month I have spent an inordinate amount of time looking at Minor League team promotional schedules, so that I am aware of those which may be worth covering during the season. As always, the promotions which intrigue me the most are theme nights that really have no reason to exist other than the fact that the team in question said, “Why not?”  So, with that in mind, here are five uniquely weird promos that I’m looking forward to in 2023.  Charleston RiverDogs -- Champagne Showers Night (April 15) If you spent the last several seconds wondering why there’s a picture of the RiverDogs celebrating their 2022 Carolina League title at the top of this section, then your moment of uncertainty is now over. On “Champagne Showers Night,” the RiverDogs are giving their fans a chance to celebrate the championship just like the players did. After the game, the High-A Tampa Bay affiliate “will pass out bottles of non-alcoholic liquid, a poncho and free reign to spray each other in celebration.”  Pensacola Blue Wahoos -- Artificial Unintelligence Night (April 18) Feeling a bit stressed out by the ever-increasing role of machines in our day-to-day life? Dreading the day when they achieve sentience? The Blue Wahoos probably won’t mitigate your anxiety, as on April 18 they are allowing an AI text generator to handle their public address script and all social media duties. “Is this a breakthrough advancement?” asks the team. “Or the start of the downfall of humanity as we know it?” Early returns [point to the latter](. [AI-generated theme night text]( Altoona Curve -- Salute to the Public Domain Night (May 9) The rigidity and complexity of intellectual property laws can make pop culture theme nights tricky to pull off. On May 9, the Curve are circumventing this confounding situation by paying tribute to works of art that are now in the public domain. One thing’s for sure: It’ll be a free-for-all!  Frisco RoughRiders -- Peaked in High School Night (May 11) Are your best days firmly in the rearview mirror, as you unrelentingly slide into a deeper and ultimately permanent state of obsolescence? Then Frisco’s got just the promotion for you. On “Peaked in High School Night,” fans who wear their letterman jackets receive ticket discounts. Those who didn’t peak in high school can pretend they did, as the Double-A Rangers affiliate is giving away letterman patches.  Lake County Captains -- Midge Night (August 11) The Captains play in Eastlake, Ohio, just outside of Cleveland, and memories of the 2007 ALDS still loom large. Midges swarmed the field in Game 2 of that series, and 16 years later the Captains are paying tribute. The team notes that Midges “are important both ecologically as a food source for aquatic species and their ability to distract the New York Yankees to the point of losing a playoff game.”  While absurd theme nights such as those listed above are not quite as prevalent as they used to be, there is still much more to cover. Specifically, I’ll denote space in a future newsletter to Minor League Baseball’s reigning theme night kings, the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp. Stay tuned.   HOPELESSLY OBSCURE MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TRIVIA There isn’t a Minor League team named the Midges, but there are currently four clubs with an insect moniker. Can you name them (without looking)?   JOSH JACKSON INTERRUPTS [Josh Jackson crashing a Nathaniel Hawthorne statue]( This is Josh Jackson, breaking up your appreciation of a great man of American letters (hi, Ben!) to offer a query to all of you out there in newsletter land. I host Ghosts of the Minors, the segment from [The Show Before the Show podcast]( in which I insist you identify an actual historical Minor League team hiding amidst two fraudulent ones.  Last time, we shipped out with the Salinas Packers. This week, I ask you which of the following teams had an unlikely diet in the Minors of yore:  - The Battle Creek No-Meats - The Longview Cannibals - The Montpelier Maple Suckers  [For the answer, tune into the next Ghosts of the Minors!](   HELLO, IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR? In 2015 I worked with Sean Kane, an uber-talented artist perhaps best known for his [“Painted Gloves” baseball artwork]( to create the [official Ben’s Biz logo](. It is, in my humble opinion, a masterpiece. [Ben's Biz logo]( Eight years later, we finally have another entrant in the not-so-burgeoning subgenre of “Benjamin Hill-related artwork.” Last month I visited Rusty Zimmerman’s studio in Sunset Park, Brooklyn, in order to participate in his South Brooklyn Free Portrait Project. (Tagline: “A portrait of a place through its people").  Being an uncultured lout, I had never sat for a portrait before. I was stressed out regarding what to wear, and ultimately decided to just be the Minor League guy that I am. This was the result. [Ben, in oil] I’m currently plotting my 2023 ballpark road trip itineraries and hope to meet as many readers of this newsletter as possible. If you’re at a stadium at which I’m scheduled to be, just look for the guy who resembles one, or ideally both, of these fine works of art.   QUESTIONS OF MINOR CONCERN [The exterior of Worcester's Polar Park] Last week’s (and the week before’s) question: What advice would you give to someone visiting your favorite Minor League ballpark for the first time?  Two loyal readers wrote in offering their take on Polar Park, home of the Worcester Red Sox. After flipping a coin, drawing straws and consulting a well-regarded medium, I have decided to feature the email I received from Mr. Brian Alexander: [The field at Worcester's Polar Park] “Grab a drink rail seat, any section, but don't sit there the entire game. The ballpark is designed to stroll around, with multiple great perches to settle in and watch an inning or two (most with drink rails). Food-wise, make your way from the third-base side to the outfield, stopping for a couple of George's Coney Island Hot Dogs ("2 Up" in local parlance), a slice of Wonder Bar pizza and a pulled pork or brisket mini-sandwich at BT's Smokehouse (and, oh yeah, don't eat before the game). [George's Coney Island Hot Dog in Worcester] George’s Coney Island Hot Dog "Continue on to Summit Street, just beyond the Worcester Wall, and check out the Sherwood Diner, where former Sox players and other celebrities sign autographs during certain games. Grab a 'Don't Worry, Be Hoppy' at the adjacent Wormtown Summit, or complete your gluttony -- I mean, 'dining experience' -- with something from the Taste Of Worcester, which features a different local restaurant each homestand.  "Finally, complete your 'WooSox Loop' around the park by checking out the parade-used Duck Boat, and then enjoying the view from one of the Adirondack chairs on the berm in left field." [A designated eater enjoys a Don't Worry Be Hoppy in Worcester] Polar Park Designated Eater Dave Hart enjoys a “Don’t Worry, Be Hoppy.” This topic is evergreen, so if anyone wants to share their ballpark advice then get in touch. But now it’s time to move on.  Next week’s question: If you could create a theme night promotion for your favorite team to implement in 2023, what would it be?  Send your response to benjamin.hill@mlb.com.   HOPELESSLY OBSCURE MINOR LEAGUE TRIVIA ANSWER! Minor League Baseball’s quartet of current teams with insect names: Augusta GreenJackets, Greensboro Grasshoppers, Columbia Fireflies and the Salt Lake Bees. Combined, these teams have more legs than the Tour de France!   [IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE INTERESTED IN RECEIVING THIS NEWSLETTER, TELL THEM TO SUBSCRIBE HERE](   Contact [Benjamin Hill](mailto:benjamin.hill@mlb.com) [Twitter]( Online]( © 2023 MLB Advanced Media, L.P. MLB trademarks and copyrights are used with permission of Major League Baseball. 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