Newsletter Wednesday, June 07, 2017

[LaineyGossip.com - Calling all smuthounds!] Wednesday, June 07, 2017 [Intro for June 7, 2017]( [Rihanna is seen at the game between the Golden State Warriors and the Cleveland Cavaliers during Game One of the 2017 NBA Finals at Oracle Arena on June 1, 2017 in Oakland, California]( Dear Gossips, The NBA Finals are in Cleveland tonight for Game 3. LeBron James and the Cavaliers are down 0-2 in the series. The series started last Thursday, in Oakland, when the [side-game]( between Rihanna and Kevin Durant became the highlight of the night. That was the best, right? The side-eyes they kept giving each other? And it’s Rihanna at her best DGAF. I don’t know if Rihanna will be there tonight. But I do know that everyone wants her to be. Everyone isn’t just people. It’s the game itself and definitely the league. As Justin Tinsley notes at The Undefeated, courstide has [become the red carpet](, Rihanna is the heir there to Spike Lee, and what makes courtside at basketball different from courtside (or ringside or rinkside) anywhere else is that the celebrity becomes part of the actual energy of the game. But did you know that “[courtside culture](” has a history? With an unlikely pioneer? This might be my favourite part of Justin Tinsley’s piece – how he traces the origins of the celebrity courtside presence that’s become so familiar to us to… Doris Day! Some sports “purists” (there are a lot of these humourless tightasses here in Canada) will insist that sport is sport, and that it doesn’t need the celebrity distraction, that there is no place for gossip in the game. As if athletes aren’t among the biggest gossips and the biggest gossip creators in the celebrity ecosystem. But the NBA continues to break records for fan attendance. Which might be why other leagues are looking to “courtside culture” for inspiration. The NHL has been sending out press releases after every game whenever celebrities are in the stands. This year, the celebrity singing of the national anthem at every Nashville Predators playoff home game has become a story unto its own, with fans wondering and predicting who it’ll be. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban show up consistently on social media whenever they’re in the box cheering on their team. It’s not the intimacy of basketball “courtside culture” but they’re definitely trying to create their own “culture” of audience notables in hockey. But again, can you believe it all started with Doris Day? To read Justin Tinsley’s full article on the glamour of courtside, [click here](. Yours in gossip, Lainey [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 1:43 PM [Smutty Social Media, June 7, 2017]( [Reese Witherspoon attends NET-A-PORTER x Draper James Event on June 6, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California]( Barry Watson has a new show coming out and is doing the talk show rounds and he mentioned his father-in-law Robert Wagner. Have we talked about this before? I feel like we have but I will be surprised every single time I remember. [Getting advice from my father in law/guest star on #DateMyDad @up_tv #RobertWagner #setlife]( A post shared by Barry Watson (@realbarrywatson) on Mar 2, 2017 at 5:07pm PST No, I don’t want your number. No, I don’t wanna give you mine.(What would No Scrubs be about today? Unsolicited dick pics?) Does anyone know if TLC has relaxed its policy on scrubs? — Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) [June 6, 2017]( hell no! — TLC (@OfficialTLC) [June 6, 2017]( Well this is skeevy. I don’t know what’s worse, the use of “vintage records” or “magic.” I’ve never taken Ambien but I have a friend who one night took it and ordered $2000 of makeup from Sephora and didn’t remember a thing. Now she hides her credit card before she takes it. A little red wine, vintage record, some Ambien ... and magic! — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) [June 7, 2017]( “The hero behind the fragrance.” I’ll give the photographer (and crew) credit for making him look somewhat like the Johnny we remember, but “hero”? [Hell to the no](. Even before the Amber Heard allegations, what would possibly make an actor promoting a fragrance heroic? [Unique, enigmatic, vibrant. Johnny Depp, the hero behind the fragrance. @diorparfums #diorsauvage #diorparfums #fragrance #johnnydepp]( A post shared by Dior Official (@dior) on Jun 7, 2017 at 5:27am PDT [Judy Greer]( makes every scene she is in better; Duana wrote about her talent and hustle [two years ago](. But she’s never really gotten to play straight-up sexy, and her essay about the experience in [InStyle]( is an interesting read. [We work hard for the money. #valleygirl #valleygirlfilm #1983 #suburblife #setlife #keepfilminla #robheubelsmustache]( A post shared by Judy Greer (@missjudygreer) on May 20, 2017 at 4:37pm PDT [US Weekly]( has a story up about Aaron Rodgers still not talking to his family, and brings up the old story that [Olivia Munn]( [caused the rift](. They’ve been broken up for a couple of months and he’s still not returning his mom’s calls. Oh he’s still spending weekends in LA. So now who is everyone going to blame for Aaron Rodgers “going Hollywood”? (If, that is, you believe anything in the new Us Weekly.) [Had so much fun at the @cfda awards last night ❤️💙]( A post shared by Olivia Munn (@oliviamunn) on Jun 6, 2017 at 2:42pm PDT Draper James has partnered with Net-a-Porter for a summer capsule collection (meaning lots of gingham), and I’d love to know which of the celebrity/blogger lines sell through faster: goop, MR by Man Repeller, AlexaChung or Draper James. Do you think they ask about each other? Of course they do! [No better way to celebrate the @DraperJames X @Netaporter collaboration than with my nearest and dearest!! 💋🥂💙]( A post shared by Reese Witherspoon (@reesewitherspoon) on Jun 6, 2017 at 6:27pm PDT [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 7:45 PM [Show Your Work: Wonder Woman… and Celine Dion]( [Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman]( Here’s the latest episode of Show Your Work, delayed this week because Duana and I wanted to see Wonder Woman before recording, and we usually record on Fridays. And also because we wanted to wait for the Wonder Woman box office. And of course there was One Love Manchester and [Ariana Grande](, Before Manchester and After Manchester. But we begin with Wonder Woman director Patty Jenkins and what boxes she had to check to make Wonder Woman happen. Answer: all of them. We also talk about what the word “[cheesy]( means to her and how, in showing her work, she’s given us a Wonder Woman that I end up comparing to [Celine Dion](. I KNOW, RIGHT? In fact, Celine comes up TWICE this episode. I consider this quite an achievement. What makes Diana Prince great? And am I failing the side if I’m worried about her going forward? Do I need to be worried about her? Also, what does more Diana look like both for Diana Prince…and [Gal Gadot]( (with a clarifier on the pronunciation)? From there we move on to the artist formerly known as [I Can’t]( Ariana Grande. It was certainly not intentional. She would never have wanted it this way, of course not. But she did choose the way One Love Manchester was presented. In that choice there was sensitivity and strategy both. In a very dark circumstance, we break down how Ariana Grande showed her work. And how she might continue to show her work going forward. Thanks for your patience while we put this episode together. Thank you for showing us how you show your work. And showing us that you care so much about the Show Your Work conversation. The next episode will be posted at regular time, next Monday. Preview: Jennifer Lopez. Catch us weekly on [iTunes]( and [Google Play]( and hit us up on twitter at [@laineygossip]( and [@duanaelise](. Thanks for listening! [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 6:48 PM [What’s a monster anyway]( [Dark Universe class photo ]( The Mummy officially kicks off Universal’s “Dark Universe”, the cinematic universe they’re going to build around their classic monster characters. It’s not the worst cinematic universe pitch we’ve heard—it’s light years better than a Transformers universe—and Universal has been promoting it, announcing the first slate of monsters, including the Mummy, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, the Invisible Man, and Frankenstein’s monster and the Bride of Frankenstein (that movie is slated for February 2019). You might remember [Universal’s announcement]( that included a photo that looks like Sofia Boutella was photoshopped into a Vanity Fair photoshoot from 1999. The Dark Universe is not going to have a blow-out introduction—The Mummy is tracking for a relatively soft $40 million opening, which Wonder Woman should beat. Also, Warner Brothers is considering [suing them]( over the term “Dark Universe” (there is a DC property with that title already, related to the Justice League Dark spin-off they’re hoping to make), which is like, why didn’t your legal department clear that already? But Universal is not slowing down. Yesterday they announced two more monsters they’d like to reboot for their Monster Avengers: The Phantom of the Opera and the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I just have one quick question: Since when is a dude with a scar a monster? The Phantom of the Opera is just a stalker with some scars, and the Hunchback of Notre Dame is a perfectly nice guy with a bad case of kyphosis, which he cannot help and WHO ON EARTH thinks calling someone with a congenital condition a monster is a good idea? It’s 2017, not 1937. At some point studios have to start thinking this sh*t through. I get it—they have the IP and they’re launching a cinematic universe and they want to leverage everything they can. But the whole premise of the Dark Universe is that evil is a disease, which is fine for fantasy characters like the Mummy, Dr. Jekyll, and the Invisible Man. But they’re also going to take a person born with a particular condition and not only dub them a monster but by affiliation imply that their ACTUAL REAL LIFE MEDICAL CONDITION is an evil disease that infects humanity. What the actual F*CK, Universal. [Source]( [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 5:50 PM [Tom Cruise in The Mummy]( [Tom Cruise at the New York premiere of The Mummy, June 6, 2017]( In the tradition of mummy monster movies, beginning with the original 1932 Boris Karloff film, the 2017 reboot of The Mummy is pretty dumb. But then, the 1999 movie starring Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz is pretty dumb, too, so it’s not like there’s a real high bar to clear. [Tom Cruise]( stars as Nick Morton, an Army sergeant who uses the cover of conflict to loot antiquities in Iraq. Cruise is in [scuzzbucket]( mode and from his first frame he’s working so hard to make The Mummy a good movie it’s like he inoculates it against the possibility of being all-the-way bad. Boring? At times. Dumb? Most certainly. But also, surprisingly funny and decently entertaining for the most part. This is a big, dumb, loud summer blockbuster, and with approximately one billion tent poles a year, it’s impossible for this not to feel tired, even in the face of Cruise’s charisma onslaught. But it still has its moments, and an intermittent sort of good-bad fun. While attempting to loot a site known as “Haram” in Iraq, Nick and his compatriot, Vail (Jake Johnson, totally delightful and joining the ranks of Ike Barinholtz, Jason Mantzoukas, and Kathryn Hahn as a consistent scene-stealer), stumble onto an underground cavern that contains, you guessed it, a sarcophagus with an obvious f*ck-off face. What’s surprising right off the top is how good the chemistry between Cruise and Johnson is—they’re genuinely funny together. They’re so good, in fact, it’s a shame the movie forces in a completely unbelievable romantic subplot, because The Mummy would have worked perfectly fine as a buddy comedy. Probably would have been better, honestly. An archaeologist, Jenny ([Annabelle Wallis](, Peaky Blinders), is called in, and the initial by-play with Nick is solid. They had a one night stand but Nick stole from her, so now she—justifiably—hates him. If the movie had stuck with that premise, that Jenny is forced to tolerate the presence of a man she can’t stand—and she’s smarter than him, so she can destroy him with her cool British snubs—that would have been a fun and different take on the typical blockbuster B-plot romance. But no. For no reason and with no real motivation, Jenny goes from wanting to push Nick off a cliff to loving him because the formula demands a romance. Except it doesn’t because we do get so many of these kinds of movies now that they have GOT to start differentiating themselves. Anyway, the mummy gets out of the f*ck-off sarcophagus because the mummy always gets out of the f*ck-off sarcophagus. And this time it’s a lady mummy, Ahmanet, a princess from Ancient Egypt who tried to make a pact with the devil only it didn’t quite work out. So now she’s corpsified and furious about it. Sofia Boutella—who I only just realized plays the fantastic Jaylah from Star Trek Beyond—stars as Ahmanet, and she is GREAT. Easily the best part of the movie is Boutella. She has such tremendous physicality that even though you can tell there’s some CGI polish applied, you can also tell that Boutella is really crawling around, contorting herself into broken mummy shapes that are easily the creepiest thing in the movie. Director Alex Kurtzman—JJ Abrams’ long-time collaborator and the screenwriter responsible for the Star Trek reboot—tries for some good old-fashioned jump scares but doesn’t really get there. The Mummy is not really scary. But Boutella can be creepy, and she makes Ahmanet both a believable physical threat and believably vengeful. Anytime Kurtzman lets Boutella take center stage, the movie picks up considerably. Ditto for Jake Johnson—he’s gone for much of the middle, but when he does show up, he brings solid comedic relief and that great vibe with Cruise. The Mummy is just solid enough to pass muster. There are gaping logic holes and totally inexplicable character shifts and the momentum is rocky at best because there is a LOT of exposition, but there are some decent jokes and Sofia Boutella really is so great and watchable. And Russell Crowe turns up as Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, and while it doesn’t really fit with the rest of the movie and he’s mostly there to set up future films in Universal’s “Dark Universe”, he’s obviously having fun. The Mummy labors under its formula but there is some genuinely fun stuff in it. If it’s between this and Wonder Woman, maybe just see Wonder Woman (again), but you probably wouldn’t regret catching The Mummy at some point. It’s the kind of dumb-fun summer action movie Tom Cruise has always been so good at making. [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 5:23 PM [Clooney Twins Ella & Alexander]( [Amal and George Clooney ]( One thing is certain. Whatever I thought the Clooney twins might be called, and whatever names might have caused a stir in my social media and yours (remember yesterday morning, when Reality Winner was the biggest name in the headlines?), I never, never expected this much digital ink to be spilled on ‘Ella’ and ‘Alexander’. Ella and Alexander. Whatever you expected, it wasn’t this. Right? Not after Phinnaeus and Hazel, or Monroe and Moroccan, or Marion and Tabitha, even non-twin combinations like Wyatt and Dimitri. You expected that the names would be at least a little bit surprising or different or new, somehow, right? That celebrities tend to take advantage of having been exposed to lots of names, and of wanting to stand out a little bit – not to mention the bonus of getting to name two at once… and you hoped there would be something more to chew on. Or at least, I did. I expected something else. Partly because that’s what we’ve come to expect from [George Clooney](. He’s been surprising us for years, since he leaned out of mere movie stardom and into more interesting things like Syriana and Good Night and Good Luck. Since his forays into politics have been mostly well thought-out and well-received. Especially since, after years of bland blah girlfriends on red carpets, he chose a partner who is not a red carpet fixture but an exceedingly intelligent and successful woman with a non-show-business career. Who, if we flatter ourselves, might remind us a little bit of ourselves. Whose name is [Amal](. When all is said and done, this is what breaks my heart a little bit. The babies are half-Lebanese-British by birth and will be citizens of the world. Their names could have been anything, and people would have accepted them because George Clooney said so. As usual, I stress that there’s nothing wrong with Ella and Alexander, per se—but I struggle to find the reason they couldn’t have been Layla and Iskander, for example. Still wearable and pronounceable everywhere, but unmistakeably a little bit ‘other’. A little bit unafraid to be Middle Eastern names, because why should they be? Get all your complainy questions and Greek chorus out now. “Why can’t they name them anything they want?” Of course they can. “What’s wrong with those names?” I’ll say this until I’m blue in the face. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re fine names. They’ve been around a long time. But I struggle when people refer to them as ‘classic’. Classic to whom? It took me less than a minute to find people relieved that they were ‘normal’. As opposed to what? What constitutes an abnormal name? The issue isn’t that the names are ‘too boring’ or ‘too used’, even though the least kid-interested among you know that they’re in full use in every elementary and high school you pass on your way to work. But the reason they’re worthy of comment, to me, is because I can’t shake the feeling that choosing such well-trodden ‘normal’ names sends an implicit message that Middle Eastern or Arabic names are not as desirable. That the name their mother has is not something to be emulated. That now that they are Clooneys, they should have names that are ‘normal’. I’m overthinking it, of course. They’re just names they like. Maybe they’re names Amal and George dreamed of from the moment the script turned pink. But in a time when we have such a massive lack of understanding of Middle Eastern and Arabic culture, I can’t help but wish there’d been a greater attempt to find the beauty in names from another culture. This is a lot to ask, of course. I never fault people with no Greek heritage for choosing the name Phoebe, or for the non-Scottish to adore Duncan - so why should it be any different for the Clooneys just because one of them is of Arabic origin? It's because representation matters. It's because choosing Anglo names when one parent has a name that is "other” can be interpreted as feeling like there's something to hide or be ashamed of. Names matter. And they continue to send a message long after the birth certificates have been signed. The Clooneys probably just like Ella and Alexander. Maybe Arabic names sound harsh and unappealing to Clooney’s ear—or to Amal’s, for that matter. Maybe there's nothing here to see except two parents who are about to be tired choosing names they loved. But I can’t help but wish they’d found a way to love something else. [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 4:58 PM [What Else?]( Your eyes might probably be immediately drawn to [the feather wave]( swirling behind this man. But don’t let that permanently interrupt your appreciation of the best part of this outfit – not the feather wings, but the feather PEPLUM. That, to me, is what I’ll remember from this look forever. You know why? Because it’s practical. It’s a built-in breather. This is better than anything Johnny Depp has worn in 10 years. (Dlisted) I’m a control freak. So I planned our wedding. Of course Jacek had input but, still, the final say was mine. We’re only 4 years away from our 20th wedding anniversary and I’ve been thinking about whether or not we should do something, have another party, because there are so many people in our lives who weren’t in our lives when we first got married. For example: Duana. I feel like if this happened though he would want to be more involved in the decision-making because, lately, he’s grown some opinions on food and flowers. I think maybe I’d be totally OK if [he just handled the whole thing](. The guest gift would probably be loaves of fresh bread that he baked. And a jar of his own peanut butter, which he’s also recently started making. (Just Jared) I don’t hate [Jennifer Hudson’s dress from the front](. In fact, I quite like it. I quite like how the white parts have just the right amount of stiff-to-soft ratio. That was not a euphemism for anything related to a penis. My problem with this dress is what happens when you see it from the side. I don’t like that it’s shorter. It kind of ruins of the integrity of it, doesn’t it? (Go Fug Yourself) There are many, many, many reasons [to see this show](. One of those reasons – at least for me – is what I hope to be a dizzying display of wig range. I want this to be a celebration of the wig. I want the wigs to practically compete with each other. I want the wigs to have their own names. I want them to sell officially endorsed wigs as merch. I would buy a lot. (Jezebel) Here in Canada, we are nearing the 150th birthday of our nation. One of the great things about this nation is that we have a chip flavour that other people don’t have in other parts of the world: [ketchup chips](! Sarah, who is American, doesn’t understand ketchup chips. She made a face when Duana and I tried to introduce them to her a couple of years ago. Sarah is right about a lot. But she is wrong, very, very wrong, about this. Ketchup chips are amazing. The only problem with ketchup chips is deciding which brand is best. OMG DID YOU KNOW DORITOS COME IN KETCHUP FLAVOUR? (Chatelaine) [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 3:57 PM [Chris Pine is the best Chris]( [Chris Pine at the LA premiere of Wonder Woman]( Is this still a debate? I don’t love the Chris contest because a) it’s always been Pine for me and b) I’m not super into fighting over which white dude with lots of opportunities in Hollywood should get more opportunities in Hollywood. I am, however, very much into [Chris Pine]( and being right. In the aftermath of Wonder Woman’s success, it looks like everyone else is finally getting on the Pine bandwagon. The Ringer reevaluated their ongoing Chris Wars to [push Pine to the top](. Vanity Fair has also placed him farther up on their Chris list [post-Wonder Woman](. Just last month, Lainey wrote that Chris Pine moved from the bottom (BOTTOM!) of her Chris rankings to [number two]( behind Hemsworth. Being the petty AF person that I am, I just needed to let y’all know that, to borrow from Lainey, I SAW HIM FIRST. Don’t ask me how many times I’ve seen Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement or This Means War or all of Pine’s Star Treks. I intend to watch Wonder Woman at least 7 more times. After I casually mentioned that Pine was the best Chris in a post [a couple months ago](, some of you yelled at me. After seeing Wonder Woman, would you like to reevaluate your life decisions? I want to make it very clear that Chris Pine is approximately the 15th thing on the list of great things about Wonder Woman. It is not his movie and any praise for the film should not overwhelmingly fall on him. He was perfect in the role but it certainly helps that, [as Vox notes](, Pine’s Steve Trevor, got “to be the superhero girlfriend that no other superhero girlfriend does.” It’s a point Sarah also made [in her review](. Pine was given way more to work with than female superhero movie love interests. So, while he shouldn’t get too many pats on the back for Wonder Woman, Chris Pine has repeatedly proven his impeccable range as an actor and the ability to play solid supporting roles as well as leading men. Can the other Chrises say the same? The Ringer marked Wonder Woman as Chris Pine’s turning point: Remember where you were when you first saw a fully naked Chris Pine exit a glowing hot tub — for that was the day that the Chris Wars were changed forever. Here’s where I respectfully disagree. How about “the Chris Wars” changed when, on breaks from his franchise, Pine was making stellar films like Z for Zachariah and Hell or High Water when Pratt was doing box office disappointment Passengers and Evans opted for that movie everyone has already forgotten, Gifted. And what has Hemsworth done for us lately? Chris Pine is hands down the best actor. He’s the most handsome (don’t @ me). He’s the most likely to get awards attention at some point in his career. Seriously. Can you see Pratt, Hemsworth or Evans doing anything that would ever garner Oscar buzz? Like the Academy is going to give Star-Lord, Thor or Captain America an Oscar. Pine is already re-teaming with his Hell or High Water director for a biopic called Outlaw King that has Oscar bait written all over it. On a superficial note, Pine dated Zoe Kravitz so he clearly has the [best romantic taste]( out of all the Chrises. No disrespect to Anna Faris. (Lainey: Kathleen has not yet met my greatest skill as a human being – I am a master CRUSH KILLER. The other night, I killed a Chris Pine crush in two texts to my unsuspecting friend Lorella. Duana was the witness. Still deciding if I should do the same thing to Kathleen. But if you know someone who needs help in this regard, I am here for you.) [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 3:47 PM [JRod: it was only a matter of time]( [Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez]( All gossip scholars would have seen this coming, right? For three months it’s been all happy, happy, roses, and great lighting for [Jennifer Lopez]( and [Alex Rodriguez](. Yesterday though [TMZ]( reported that ARod is being extorted by an ex-lover. Let’s consider the surface details first, before getting in deeper with the implications – and, of course, the actual backstory: Alex Rodriguez is dealing with an ex from hell -- a woman who's hit him up for cash for years is now threatening to expose private messages if he doesn't cough up as much as $600k ... TMZ has learned. We're told A-Rod broke up with the woman back in 2014, and although It was never a serious relationship -- more of a fling -- she continued contacting him every now and then, asking for small amounts of money. We're told he always turned her away empty-handed. But things changed earlier this year when Alex got together with Jennifer Lopez. We're told the ex suddenly started hitting up A-Rod for larger amounts of money. He did not give in, and finally within the last week ... he told the woman he was in a happy, committed relationship with J Lo ... and simply wanted to be left alone. That final denial set her off, and she insisted she would not be ignored. Think Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction." We're told she demanded $600,000 or she would contact multiple media outlets to offer text messages Alex had sent her. One source with direct knowledge believes the woman's motives are clear: once A-Rod hooked up with J Lo ... the ex saw dollar signs, and felt he would pay any amount to keep her quiet. The source believes she intended to release old texts with Alex from when they were dating, and make it seem like he was still contacting her while dating Jennifer. We're told A-Rod is standing firm ... he will NOT pay her a dime. Instead, his legal team is preparing to go to police and even federal authorities, if the woman continues threatening him. As for Jennifer ... we're told she's fully aware of what Alex is dealing with, and not only stands by him, but empathizes ... having gone through similar situations in her past. First of all, of course she empathises. She’s a celebrity. All celebrities are all about how they’ve been done wrong, how people take advantage of them. Celebrities are not built for objective analysis, of themselves and certainly not of the people who surround and enable them. Second, this TMZ exclusive, where do you think it came from? That’s an entry level question. TMZ has always favoured celebrity men, and so if you’re a man and you’re a celebrity, TMZ is a good place to start if you want to get ahead of the story. ARod presumably knew that some sh-t was coming down. And he wants us to know his side first before whatever it is that’s in those text messages becomes public. This preemptive move would suggest that the sh-t in those text messages is all-the-way dirty. Dirty as in ongoing, even after JLO came into his life. The way TMZ is representing it though, he’s just a dude who used to enjoy a casual bone here and there with a random. And now that random is trying to make a living off of his dick because he took his dick away from her – and every man can relate to that, non? Can’t a guy just get some strange? Can’t these bitches just be satisfied with some major league cock and not have to go for the paycheque too? I have a question about that paycheque though. TMZ is claiming that the woman allegedly extorting ARod increased her fee only after finding out that he’s with JLO because JLO’s financial worth. If it really was just money that this woman is after though, well, ARod’s girlfriend BEFORE JLO has wayyyyy more money. Anne Wojcicki is a multi-BILLIONAIRE. JLO is practically middle class next to her. Also, according to TMZ, ARod and the woman broke up in 2014. He and Anne Wojcicki got together AFTER that. So if it was really just about money, she could have hit him up for some large – even more than $600K – when Anne Wojcicki was still his bonafide. I mean, yeah, sure, it could all be as simple as an opportunist trying to take advantage, nothing more. Or… it could be more. So. Nothing? Or more? [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 3:02 PM [Brad Pitt’s War Machine]( [Brad Pitt in War Machine]( [Brad Pitt](’s Netflix movie, War Machine, probably didn’t play out as well as anyone hoped. Netflix doesn’t report box office or viewership, so there’s no real way to know how anything on the platform performs, but you can certainly tell, if you pay attention to entertainment/culture news, if something is popular. Take the way Stranger Things blew up, or Making a Murderer, Master of None, The Crown—really, most of their TV slate. (They’ve only just started axing stuff that [isn’t performing well](, including, sadly The Get Down.) War Machine failed to make that kind of splash, despite starring Pitt, which makes sense because it’s a pretty mediocre movie. It’s not all-the-way bad, but it’s not particularly good, either. Put it this way—it’s an alternative if the raunchy cursing of In The Loop isn’t to your taste. Pitt stars as General Glen McMahon, a facsimile of real-life General Stanley McChrystal, the one-time head honcho in Afghanistan. War Machine loosely adapts Michael Hastings’ book The Operators: The Wild and Terrifying Inside Story of America’s War in Afghanistan, which was, in turn, built off Hastings’ Rolling Stone profile of McChrystal, the one that resulted in McChrystal losing his command. The movie is narrated by Scoot McNairy as Sean Cullen, the fictionalized Hastings. McNairy is a FANTASTIC actor, but War Machine is like two-thirds voice over, and while it makes me want to listen to an audiobook recorded by McNairy, it doesn’t make for a satisfying movie. We’re told almost everything, and shown very little. Pitt marches around, holding his body stiffly and slightly bow-legged—and, oddly, bow-armed—and he makes [this face](/40.media.tumblr.com/e37df7ddc5c915dcf617489e5ce8bd16/tumblr_inline_o1wupcZ47q1shx9h6_1280.jpg) the entire time… …which is an impressive face to be making, though not as impressive as the time Christian Bale made [this face](. I think about Christian Bale making this face every day. [pic.twitter.com/qyKJdNCZ8c]( — Sarah (@Cinesnark) [May 10, 2017]( Even though much of his performance is dancing along to the narration, Pitt makes it interesting. And when he does get to participate in scenes, War Machine picks up some energy and becomes interesting. McMahon is the sort of general respected, maybe even loved, by the men in his command. He’s a soldier’s soldier and seems to believe sincerely in winning the war in Afghanistan, though the longer the movie goes on, the more that looks like hubris and a selfish desire for legacy than what’s really best for Afghanistan as a nation. One of the best scenes in the movie features [Tilda Swinton]( as a German journalist, challenging McMahon on his desire to bring more troops back to Afghanistan to win the war. It’s a sharp scene, with two good actors going head-to-head with opposing goals, and if the whole movie was like that, War Machine really would be the best political satire since In The Loop. But the whole movie is not like that. The narration soon returns and sucks the energy out of everything. Pitt doesn’t need to deliver a ton of dialogue to be effective (see also: Tree of Life), and much of his performance here is physical, since McMahon isn’t especially emotive—the scenes between McMahon and his basically estranged wife, Jeannie (Meg Tilly), are deliberately uncomfortable, they’re so awkward. But having the whole story recited to you is just not as interesting as seeing it play out. The best scenes don’t have narration, and Pitt is at his best when McMahon is actively engaged and not just bopping along to the voiceover. War Machine isn’t a total loss, though. The scene with Swinton, everything with Jeannie, and a third-act action sequence featuring a squadron siege that goes horribly awry—that’s all pretty good stuff. And when McNairy turns up in person as Cullen to incredulously witness the antics of McMahon and his staff as they tour Europe, scrounging up support for their troop surge, there is a decently sharp satirical edge to the movie. It’s not [In The Loop]( but few things are. What $60 million bought Netflix is a good performance from Brad Pitt in a movie that is entirely watchable. War Machine is on Netflix now. (So is In The Loop.) [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 2:30 PM [Blue Ivy dances into her destiny]( [Blue and Beyoncé]( Blue Ivy Carter is the first descendant of our Queen. Since the day she was born, the expectations have been high. Since the day she was born, her parents have been giving us snippets of her life, through concert videos, edited Instagram posts or red carpet appearances. The Blue Ivy Carter we’ve seen has usually been through the eyes of [Beyoncé]( and [Jay-Z](, with one notable exception. In February, I wrote about how Blue Ivy saved a terrible sketch at the Grammys by essentially [just existing](. After the Grammys, the expectations were even higher because we then knew that this is not a child who is being forced into the spotlight by her famous parents. This is a child who LIVES for it. A couple of days ago, [TMZ]( gifted us with more proof that Blue Ivy Carter is likely to fulfill her destiny (I’m sorry, I had to) of entertaining a generation, just like her Ma. Last weekend, Blue performed at her dance recital. By Monday, TMZ had the video of Blue and her fellow tiny dancers grooving along to Earth, Wind and Fire’s September. Excellent song selection. Before I speculate widely about how TMZ obtained my current favourite clip on the Internet, please consume it in all its glory. There are so many things to discuss but first, can we just talk about how Blue (and probably her stylist Beyoncé) DGAF about the “hair up in a bun” memo the other girls definitely got? Blue and her fresh braids were like, “nah, we good.” She’s front and center, obviously, slaying her choreography so hard she doesn’t care that her elbows are very close to taking out the girls beside her. THIS VIDEO IS MY EVERYTHING. When I first saw it, I was still on a Wonder Woman high and I pictured Blue Ivy, in all her chest-thumping, high-kicking glory, delivering a Diana Prince-esque, Khaleesi-style name speech: “I am Blue Ivy Carter, the first of her name, daughter of Beyoncé, granddaughter of Miss Tina, princess of pop R&B and I am here to save you from your depressing timelines.” Blue Ivy Carter dancing is the carefree black girl joy we all needed. As I mentioned above, most of the videos of Blue Ivy we see are through Beyoncé’s social media. This was a leak. To me, it seems pretty obvious that a parent at that recital took this video and then sold it to TMZ. That parent has probably already been banned from attending every school event in the future. The Beygency has already deducted who sent this video based on the angle from which it was shot and where the parents were sitting. Their kid will have to find a new school. To that parent, I ask: was what TMZ paid you worth alienating yourself from BEYONCÉ’s mommy group? WAS IT? Which brings me to my next question: how much pressure do you think these parents are putting on their kids to become friends with Blue Ivy? If I was the parent of a kid in Blue’s dance class, I would sit my child down and say, “Listen, this is the most important thing you will do for your family. Do not f-ck this up for me.” Don’t worry, I’m not a parent IRL. Since the video does not appear to have Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s approval for public release, Refinery29 published a piece asking, [Is This Video Of Blue Ivy Too Private To Be Online?]( Lainey often mentions that Duana is a Beyoncé scholar. She’s read the unauthorized biography. She’s watched all the tapes from when Beyoncé was a little girl, practicing diligently in her basement. I too have studied Beyoncé’s origin story. Since we'll be studying this tape for generations when Blue Ivy becomes the most important artist of her time, NO, it is not too private to be online. The piece also mentions that the parents of the other children in the video might not want their kids’ faces all over the internet, which is valid but again, if I was a parent of one of these kids, I would only be concerned with how well they were nailing their moves beside Blue. “Listen, you are basically auditioning to be in the reincarnation of Destiny’s Child. You could be the Kelly. I’ll even settle for Poor Michelle. Do not f-ck this up for me!” The girl second from the right might actually have a shot the way she flawlessly landed that passe at 0:29. Yes, I just had to Google that ballet term. And yes, I’ve watched this video way too many times. [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 2:04 PM [Privacy Policy]( - [Unsubscribe](