Newsletter Tuesday, May 30, 2017

[LaineyGossip.com - Calling all smuthounds!] Tuesday, May 30, 2017 [Intro for May 30, 2017]( [Rachel Lindsay on The Bachelorette ]( Dear Gossips, I don’t watch The Bachelorette. Have never seen a single episode. But I’m going to try to write about The Bachelorette today. Or write about how people write about The Bachelorette. Because I got up this morning and it’s been post after post all over the internet, all kinds of articles about The Bachelorette. Which, I guess, is nothing new, as Kathleen mentioned [last week](, but this season it’s gone next level because, from what I can understand, Rachel Lindsay is awesome and some of the assholes who want to marry her are awesomely stupid – like DeMario who just got busted last night for ghosting a woman right before he joined the show. And then the woman, Lexi, actually showed up and dumped a brick of receipts on his ass. I know this because, again, it’s every headline everywhere. But the first headline I read? The first headline was what sucked me into my morning of The Bachelorette. Because it was a column for [The Hollywood Reporter]( about The Bachelorette written by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Who not only watches The Bachelorette but also appeared on last night’s episode, WHAT? Kareem takes The Bachelorette pretty seriously and writes about The Bachelorette pretty seriously – how the show has, in the past, underserved people of colour, how it perpetuates “romance porn” that can lead to unrealistic expectations about love and relationships, etc. But then Kareem started talking to me about tank tops, and which dudes were wearing them on the show, and what it meant if a dude was wearing a tank top instead of a t-shirt and I’m like, OK Kareem, which douchebag was wearing the tank top because obviously you’re judging. Unfortunately Kareem, who wants what’s best for Rachel, decides to be objective, which means I had to move on to the next Bachelorette article lined up in my feed and that was [PEOPLE’s recap]( of the show that included a poem written by one of the suitors (is that what we call them?) and read to Rachel that goes like this: Your beautiful brown eyes and your gorgeous smile are just the tip of all you entail. I look forward to this adventure with you to continue for a very long while. After that I headed over to [Variety]( for another take on the episode which apparently involved one of the men spiking a baby doll into the ground like a football? And then this gold: As the segment goes on, Rachel isn’t particularly convincing that she’s excited by her company, or even … know who they are. The “company” is Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. And given that Rachel Lindsay had no f-cks to give about how famous they are, well, I don’t know Rachel Lindsay but I think I love Rachel Lindsay. And finally, the best Rachel Lindsay Bachelorette episode two recap of them all – Ali Barthwell’s for [Vulture]( and a glorious paragraph that begins with a warning for the “cute white ladies”. I might never watch The Bachelorette. Because all I want to do is keep READING about The Bachelorette. Yours in gossip, Lainey [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 1:36 PM [Prince Harry’s first garden party]( [Prince Harry attends the UK Team Launch for Invictus Games Toronto 2017 hosted by Bremont at Plaisterers Hall on May 30, 2017 in London, England]( Big day for [Prince Harry]( today. In the morning he was at the Tower of London to meet with Invictus Games athletes who will be competing in Toronto in September. While he was there he hung out with a 6 year old girl called Maya who wanted to thank him for supporting that event because her ma, RAF Sergeant Michelle Turner, will be participating in the swimming and rowing races. Michelle has a serious heart condition and there were times when she didn’t want to leave her house because she was worried about embarrassing herself in public. And now she’ll be repping her country at the Games. With Harry though, as we know, it’s not just kids. It’s always kids…AND dogs. So he had his moment with a service dog too. After that, it was on to Buckingham Palace where he hosted his first garden party to celebrate the Not Forgotten Association which helps former service women and men with disabilities. This is Harry doing the work, and consistently over the last few years. As you can see, there were several senior ladies in attendance. You know what senior ladies can get away with? Awkward questions. Like this, “Prince Harry, dear, when are you going to marry that lovely young lady, Meghan Markle, that we’ve seen you with? I would so love to see you marry soon”. RIGHT??? That’s what my ma would. Because she has no shame. These senior British ladies probably have too much tact for that. This is an example of when tact helps no one. [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 7:13 PM [Smutty Social Media, May 30, 2017]( [Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake arrive back at home in New York, May 29, 2017]( There is a lot of talk about the Stranger Things cast but I’ve often wondered about the children from Modern Family. They truly grew up on TV, the show is widely watched and in syndication (making them highly recognizable) and they’ve made a lot of money, with more coming in from syndication. How will that shake out for them when the show eventually ends? [Grills and bubbles. #memorialday 📷 @mileswood]( A post shared by Sarah Hyland (@therealsarahhyland) on May 29, 2017 at 9:40pm PDT It’s Hamptons season! And I’m very into this hang – [Howard Stern]( and his wife Beth, Jerry and Jessica, [NPH]( and his husband David and another couple I’m not familiar with but after a quick Google I learned that she co-owns Beach Acre Farm, an equestrian facility. So rich. Rich rich rich. But that goes without saying, right? [Jerry Seinfeld, the Count of Comedy, invited us over last night to dine with Howard Stern, the King of All Media, Johnny Muse, the Lord of the Hamptons, and their equally royal and impressive spouses. Delicious food, inspired conversation, and genuine friendship. It was a night we'll remember for a long time. #thanks #grateful #goodtimes]( A post shared by Neil Patrick Harris (@nph) on May 29, 2017 at 1:14pm PDT A Bey Memorial Day post! She wants us to know she didn’t have the beybies over the long weekend. She also used a smiley face emoji. [Beyoncé]( uses emojis!! So do you think we can convince Lainey to use them now? [😁🇺🇸]( A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on May 29, 2017 at 11:43pm PDT Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin’s daughters are working on becoming the next Hadids and if you watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (and I’m not ashamed to say – I DO!) it’s interesting that she’s chosen the same route as Bella and Gigi’s mom (who was also on the show). [My favorite humans. ❤️❤️]( A post shared by Lisa Rinna (@lisarinna) on May 27, 2017 at 7:56am PDT I meant to post this yesterday because did you think [Noel Gallagher](’s birthday could still attract this kind of crowd? I wouldn’t think so, but I guess he’s an elder statesman of rock now. (Apparently Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander were there as well.) [Worlds collided at Noel Gallagher's birthday Bash! 🎉🎉🎉🎂🎂💕💕😂🙏🏻🌈🤡💯]( A post shared by Madonna (@madonna) on May 27, 2017 at 6:19pm PDT [#noelgallagher #BirthdayParty #Birthday #50th #oasis #oasisband #oasismusic #noelgallaghershighflyingbirds]( A post shared by 🇬🇧🇦🇺🇮🇩 New Music Mondays🇩🇪🇪🇸🇮🇹 (@oasis_roses_beatles) on May 30, 2017 at 5:34am PDT This is [Justin Timberlake](’s way of saying his wife is better looking than him? Me and my wife have recently come to the unsettling realization that [@jtimberlake]( and [@JessicaBiel]( are the better looking version of us. [pic.twitter.com/WvG047fE6q]( — Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) [May 17, 2017]( Apparently, I'm late to the party on this... But, don't sell yourself short, [@Sethrogen]( Clearly, you and I both out-punted our coverage. — Justin Timberlake (@jtimberlake) [May 19, 2017]( I don't understand sports but I assume this is a compliment! — Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) [May 20, 2017]( DJ Khaled’s son Asahd’s Instagram account cracks me up – he’s just chilling in his whip and sending flowers to Rihanna. [Hey @badgalriri daddy told me you liked the flowers I hoped you did!! 🌹 Thanks for getting the vocals in so fast executive producing the #grateful album hasn't been easy but you just made it worth the work!! Xo 😘 hope to see you soon!! ☺️]( A post shared by Asahd Tuck Khaled (@asahdkhaled) on May 24, 2017 at 7:07pm PDT [I had to lean into that turn lol #grateful]( A post shared by Asahd Tuck Khaled (@asahdkhaled) on May 28, 2017 at 6:59pm PDT [Brett Ratner]( has a Manuel Noriega anecdote that includes a Xerox of a passport, the CIA and a collect call from a federal penitentiary. But why can’t he tell us what they talked about?! [When I was at #NYUFilmSchool @nyutisch my closest friend from the #DominicanRepublic married #GeneralNoriega's daughter and invited me to come to Panama to escort my friend #MikeTyson and #RobertoDuran on a trip for his retirement from boxing. My friend asked me to fed ex a color xerox of my passport to him in advance of the trip so he can make the arrangements at the airport. The day before I was planning to leave for #Panama on Dec 20th 1989 the US military invaded. My friend went to the #cuban embassy and eventually back to #dominicanrepublic and #Noriega sought refuge in the church because the military couldn't enter the church. After a long stand off and by blasting heavy metal music with giant speakers into the windows of the church he ultimately surrendered and was taken to prison in miami. Not soon after I was paid a visit at my dorm room at @nyuwinstein and questioned by the #CIA because they found the color xerox of my passport in The General's desk drawer at his residence and wanted to know about my relationship with him. I of course explained that I never met him and had a personal relationship with his son in law. Nearly 20 years later I was home at #HilhavenLodge relaxing with my grandparents and I received a collect call from a prisoner inside a federal penitentiary. Curious as I was, I accepted the call and shockingly it was General Manuel Noriega. He said he had something very important to discuss with me and asked to see me in person. I immediately flew to miami where he was incarcerated at the Federal prison. When I entered the prison I was searched and escorted to a room where I watched them clear the entire yard of prisoners in order to bring prisoner #41586 to where I was waiting for him. I asked him about this and he said because of the #GenevaConvention he hadn't come in contact with another prisoner for 20 years! We spent the better part of the day together talking. What we talked about I cannot reveal but it was fascinating to say the least. One of the great experiences of my life that I will never forget. The General and I kept in touch until he was sent ultimately to #Panama to prison and spent the rest of his life. #TrueStory]( A post shared by Brett Ratner (@brettrat) on May 30, 2017 at 5:41am PDT [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 6:14 PM [Thor makes scrambled eggs]( [Chris Hemsworth participates in TAG Heuer Culinary Challenge in Monte-Carlo, Monaco, May 27, 2017]( I was about to say this is a bizarre marketing gimmick, [Chris Hemsworth]( making scrambled eggs at the Grand Prix of Monaco but… I’m writing about it. And Tag Heuer isn’t paying me so I guess it worked? You’re looking at Thor in a chef’s hat trying to get his eggs the perfect amount of fluffy. #DontCrackUnderPressure, get it? These are the kinds of appearances we’re going to get from Chris Hemsworth until the fall when he begins what is expected to be a major publicity tour for Thor: Ragnarok. I didn’t care about Thor until Sarah started telling me to, and she cares a lot about Thor because of Taika Waititi. Under Taika’s direction, everyone is expecting Thor to surprise, to be not only the best Thor of all the Thor movies but also to be, maybe, the best of all the Avengers movies…? Some nerd is going to check me for saying that but they can blame Sarah. She has high hopes. And I’m her follower. Oh and my point to all of this is that Thor 3 comes out two weeks before Justice League and technically, Justice League is supposed to be the bigger movie and bring in the bigger box office but… could Thor – with help from Hulk and Loki and Cate Blanchett – take down Batman and Superman? Sorry. It’s too far away to even care about this. Let’s care instead about Chris Hemsworth hanging out with [Matt Damon]( and [John Krasinski]( (at least it looks like John Krasinski to me, let's pretend it is). [Great trip to Monaco thanks to @tagheuer #formula1]( A post shared by Chris Hemsworth (@chrishemsworth) on May 29, 2017 at 3:14pm PDT [Nothing like a good point off @tagheuer #bournetopoint]( A post shared by Chris Hemsworth (@chrishemsworth) on May 29, 2017 at 3:18pm PDT You know how we always talk about romantic love triangles? What about friendship love triangles? Does Matt love John more than he loves Ben? [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 5:09 PM [Jessica Chastain speaks out]( [Jessica Chastain attends the Closing Ceremony of the 70th annual Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festivals on May 28, 2017 in Cannes, France]( The Cannes Film Festival closed down with an award ceremony and press conference, and during the presser the jury took the stage to talk about their festival experience. [Jessica Chastain]( specifically talked about how the representation of women on screen “disturbed” her: Say that, [@jes_chastain](. [pic.twitter.com/H7QHnEE5JA]( — Ava DuVernay (@ava) [May 29, 2017]( Okay I have to say this first—her odd accent is weirding me out. It’s trending into Madonna-British territory. But the substance of what she says is spot on, and more importantly, where she’s choosing to say it is nothing short of spectacular. Invited to be on the jury of the most prestigious film festival in the world, in front of that festival’s organizers and the world press, Chastain basically put Cannes on blast for not being inclusive enough. She is saying that awarding Lynne Ramsay for screenwriting and [Sofia Coppola for Best Director](—only the second woman in the history of the festival to win that prize—isn’t enough to go around patting themselves on the back. The festival still has work to do. Chastain has been full-throttle on the topic of female representation and inclusion. She’s arrived at the pinnacle of her industry—she has two Oscar nominations and will undoubtedly win one sooner rather than later, she stars in big-budget studio movies and prestige indies, she gets asked to be on the Cannes jury. She has by any metric Made It. And she is now using her platform and the microphone that comes with it to amplify the voices of others. And not everyone in her position does that. I can’t help but think back to Kathleen Kennedy’s [unfortunate response]( to hiring women to direct Star Wars. I also can’t help but think about the conspicuously absent name whenever women in film comes up: Kathryn Bigelow. She is arguably the most powerful female director in the world (Ava DuVernay and Patty Jenkins are coming for her). Yet she is nowhere near the front line of this fight, to increase representation and give more women a shot. Some women Make It and then don’t do anything to help the cause for others. But not Jessica Chastain, and it’s become her most endearing quality. You can count on Chastain in a fight. She’s going to speak up, and she’s going to do it smartly and thoughtfully and so well that she can call out a festival while sitting on that festival’s jury and not sound like she’s scolding so much as encouraging. In another life, Jessica Chastain is one helluva diplomat. In this one, she’s one of the best advocates for more inclusion in filmmaking, and we need her voice, and more voices like hers, to continue pushing for more equality. As for the Chief Fun Officer of Cannes, [Will Smith]( got in a parting shot. At the press conference he [added](: “A couple of black folks won’t hurt next year, either.” [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 4:16 PM [Tom Cruise must lead]( [Tom Cruise at the Madrid premiere of The Mummy, May 29, 2017]( Do you have your Wonder Woman tickets yet? I’m going on Saturday, 740pm show at my favourite theatre. Here in Toronto we have VIP theatres with pre-selected leather seats and in-seat service. Which means you never have to queue for anything. My movie order is always: deep fried pickles, deep fried jalapeno poppers, a burger, some fries from Jacek’s plate, and two glasses of wine. It’s THE BEST. Can’t wait for this weekend. And it’s looking better and better for Wonder Woman. The review embargo has been lifted. The reviews are much better than Batman vs Superman. And the tracking seems to be climbing. A few weeks ago they had it at $65 million. Now they’re saying it might be closer to $85 million – maybe more. Tracking, however, has been unreliable lately as we saw with Pirates 5 and Baywatch. Right now, tracking for [Tom Cruise](’s The Mummy reboot is around $40 million on opening weekend. If that holds, it’s considered a mediocre result. However, as Scott Mendelson [points out at Forbes]( that’s also what Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation was tracking at a couple of years ago and that movie got solid reviews and opened domestically at $55 million and was considered a worldwide box office success. What’s riding on The Mummy though is that it represents a new movie franchise. As mentioned last week The Mummy is the first in Universal’s planned [Dark Universe]( series that will also include The Invisible Man (Johnny Depp), Frankenstein’s Monster (Javier Bardem), and Dr Jekyll (Russell Crowe), the leader of the monster Avengers, sort of. I don’t really understand what this sh-t is all about so it helps me to relate it to superheroes, which I’m not an expert on either but at least I know that they’re in a secret club and fight about how to save the world. Anyway, obviously, for them to feel confident about moving forward with this new monster universe, Tom’s The Mummy must lead. With money. And most of that money is going to come from foreign markets. Here’s Tom in Spain this week continuing to promote the movie. The Mummy opens June 9, a week after Wonder Woman. So, back to Wonder Woman. When are you going? [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 3:19 PM [Instagram PDA starring Diane Kruger & Norman Reedus]( [Diane Kruger poses with her trophy during a photocall on May 28, 2017 after she won the Best Actress Prize for her part in the film 'In The Fade' (Aus Dem Nichts) at the 70th edition of the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes]( [Diane Kruger]( won the Best Actress award at Cannes on Sunday for her work in Into The Fade. [Joshua Jackson]( congratulated her on Instagram. Joanna noted Diane’s response: [Norman Reedus]( also congratulated Diane on her achievement. Joanna compared Diane’s reaction: “Thank you”, with one heart emoji, and a “babe”, with many, many heart emojis followed by whatever it is you want to call that other emoji. The “thank you” is platonic. The “babe” is all the sex. But also even the two men and their Insta style tells you everything about the relationships Diane had with them in the most generic high school rom-com way. Joshua Jackson is Brian Krakow. Norman Reedus is Jordan Catalano. The fact that Pacey Witter became Brian Krakow is a whole other conversation altogether. The point is what Diane wanted, after a decade with Joshua, was danger. And Norman Reedus is totally that guy. Did you ever see that paparazzi video of them in New York a couple of months ago? They know the paps are there when they round the corner. And he behaves like… a punk showboat. Right? You know that guy. You know what it’s like to be with that guy before you see him for being that guy. That’s where Diane Kruger is living now. [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 2:09 PM [Privacy Policy]( - [Unsubscribe](