Newsletter Monday, October 17, 2016

[LaineyGossip.com - Calling all smuthounds!] Monday, October 17, 2016 [Intro for October 17, 2016] [Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneider] Dear Gossips, The ratings for Saturday Night Live this season [are the strongest] they’ve been in a few years. And while the upcoming US presidential election probably has a lot to do with that, it would be unfair not to attribute some of that success to the show’s two new head writers, Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneider. Chris is SNL’s first openly gay head writer. Sarah is SNL’s first female head writer since 2008. When it was announced in the summer that Chris and Sarah would be taking over on Saturday nights, Vanity Fair predicted that it would be a “[huge step away from toxic bro humour]” and so far, that’s been true. Because the strongest performers on the show the last few years have been the female cast members and because Chris and Sarah have always been clear about the fact that “we like to write for women”. But that was obvious, even before they were promoted. If you watch regularly, you already knew their work before this season. The video sketches [First Got Horny 2U], [Do It On My Twin Bed], and my personal favourite, [Back Home Ballers], all came from Chris and Sarah. Perhaps their most famous video? [The Beygency]. And of course there was last season’s amazing [The Day Beyoncé Turned Black]. Obviously Chris and Sarah are Beyoncé scholars, Chris in particular. If you haven’t already, [read the way] he talks about how she was at the SNL 40th anniversary. Also, [he met her]. [Literally could not think of a caption for this.] A photo posted by Chris Kelly (@chriskellyinstagram) on Feb 16, 2015 at 10:09am PST So, after this weekend, it’s wasn’t necessarily the Hillary Clinton/Donald Trump cold open [that was making headlines] and trending on Twitter but the two sketch videos from Chris and Sarah – one of them an homage to Beyoncé. [Melanianade] is a parody of Sorry. It is brilliant, because as a member of the Beyhive, Chris wouldn’t borrow from Beysus and make it weak. That said, what made me laugh the hardest was the sketch called … I don’t even want to give away the name of it in case you haven’t seen it. I’ve seen it almost a dozen times now. The video is below. Aidy Bryant’s expression the first time the word comes up still kills me. It’s become standard, almost a default reaction, to talk about Saturday Night Live like it’s sh-t these days. But Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneider have given us reason to be very optimistic about the show under their direction. I find myself more and more excited every weekend. Yours in gossip, Lainey [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 12:32 PM [Almost a year] [Colin Farrell and his girlfriend out in Los Angeles, California on October 16, 2016] In January of this year, [Colin Farrell] [was papped holding hands] with his then-new girlfriend. In March he took her to see Adele in Ireland. At the time I mentioned that we [didn’t know her name]. We still don’t know her name. But they’re still together – stepping out this weekend in LA for some frozen yoghurt. Colin’s kept his sh-t so tight, I might say it’s been almost a year but it could be well over a year. Nobody knows and I’m not sure if anyone’s asked. Colin is currently doing some press for Fantastic Beasts. Last week he was on Ellen and then Jimmy Kimmel, talking about baseball and American sports. While he doesn’t know much about baseball, apparently he’s quite familiar with football because he used to watch it back in Ireland when he was growing up. In particular he remembers the 1985 Chicago Bears …and the Super Bowl Shuffle! Do you remember the Super Bowl Shuffle? I loved the [Super Bowl Shuffle]. And I was obsessed with Jim McMahon. Obsessed like in the way a 12 year old humps her pillow. But, as Colin and Jimmy both point out, the Super Bowl Shuffle has not aged well. Back then it was cool, OK. If you weren’t alive at the time, I know, I know this is hard to believe. But we thought it was cool! Even Colin Farrell thought it was cool! It is no longer cool. What kills me though is that the Super Bowl Shuffle has become SO uncool that Colin actually mentions his sex tape in an interview to illustrate just how uncool it is now. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 7:37 PM [Christopher Guest’s Mascots] [Christopher Guest attends the 'Mascots' New York Premiere at iPic Fulton Market on October 13, 2016 in New York City] Christopher Guest is the undisputed king of the mockumentary. From co-writing This Is Spinal Tap to writing directing films like Waiting for Guffman and Best In Show—the zenith of his mockumentary features—Guest’s credentials are impeccable. His latest mockumentary, the first in ten years, is Mascots, which follows the lives and professional hopes of a group of odd ducks competing in a “sports mascotery” tournament. The film features some familiar faces: [Parker Posey], Fred Willard, Michael Hitchcock, [Jane Lynch], Jennifer Coolidge, and Bob Balaban, but other Guest regulars like [Catherine O’Hara], Michael McKean, [Eugene Levy], and Harry Shearer (present only in voice over) are absent. In their place come a troupe of newbies including Chris O’Dowd and Tom Bennett—both veterans of Guest’s HBO comedy, Family Tree—and Zach Woods (Silicon Valley) and Sarah Baker, who was SO good as Vanessa on Louie. While they have their moments, Bennett and Woods especially, you really feel the absence of O’Hara, Levy, McKean, and Shearer. Mascots seems a little undercooked, and I wonder if it’s because Guest is missing his best collaborators. The story unfolds in Best of Show format, with the first half of the film setting up the various people participating in the sports mascotery competition. (The way O’Dowd says “mascotery” in his Irish accent is nothing less than delightful.) As with all Christopher Guest mockumentaries, the characters are essentially good-hearted people who are hopelessly weird that are fanatically devoted to hyper-specific pastimes, but in the case of Mascots it feels like a case of diminishing returns. It’s too reminiscent of Best In Show to really stand on its own, and it sort of feels like Guest is just going through the motions. Too much of it feels like a retread—Willard does the “incredulous casually bigoted dumb guy” routine he perfected in Show, and Guest even reprises Corky St. Clair for a small part as a mascot coach. But the biggest Show-Mascots connection is with the married couple played by Woods and Baker. Like the uptight yuppie couple played by Posey and Hitchcock in Show, Woods and Baker play a bickering couple who melt down under the stress of competition. (But Woods’ end-montage plea for help is the funniest moment in the entire movie. Zach Woods has quietly become the most dependable utility man in comedy—he’s so good in these one-off scenes it begs the question: Is he legitimately best at this kind of drive-by comedy, or is it that lack of starring opportunities has shaped him into an MVP back-up? Someone give him ten episodes on a streaming platform and let’s find out.) Mascots feels like Guest had an idea but no clear way to execute it. Given the energy and attention to detail in the actual mascot routines performed, he obviously wanted to film these comedy bits about weird mascots like “plumber with runaway turd” and “modern dance armadillo”, and I can see the individual routines becoming Youtube favorites because they really are brilliantly done, especially the “Sid the Hedgehog” vaudeville-style routine. Though I assume these routines were performed by professional dancers/stuntmen and not the actors themselves, which takes the shine off a little, as if professional musicians had stepped in to perform for Spinal Tap. But it just doesn’t feel like the same amount of work went into the story. Some stuff is reasonably funny, like the director of the World Mascot Association being paranoid about furry infiltration, and some of the mascot costumes make for good visual gags—shout out to the giant fist with washboard abs—but none of the characters really land and none of the jokes are memorable. There’s a detached sense of boredom in Mascots, as if Guest himself is tired of his schtick. Mascots is now available on Netflix. Attached - Christopher Guest at the New York premiere of Mascots last week. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 6:50 PM [Smutty Tingles] OMG this caption ([Dlisted]) Shawn Mendes is Gryffindor, quite obviously ([Just Jared]) Prince Harry’s cute laugh ([Cele|bitchy]) Hilary Duff gets kissed on Instagram ([TooFab]) Marky Mark’s muscles in the water ([TMZ]) Tom Brady has thoughts on Donald Trump ([The Superficial]) Ernest Borgnine agrees with Amber Rose ([Hollywood Tuna]) In person Ellie Bamber looks exactly like Isla Fisher which is the point ([Go Fug Yourself]) Nicki Minaj fangirls for Lauryn Hill and it’s really cute ([Jezebel]) [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 6:02 PM [Billy Lynn does not deliver] [Actors Chris Tucker, Steve Martin, Garrett Hedlun, director Ang Lee, Kristen Stewart, Vin Diesel, Joe Alwyn, Makenzie Leigh and author Ben Fountain attend the 'Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk' photo call held at JW Marriott Essex House on October 15, 2016 in New York City] Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk was supposed to be an Oscar contender. It’s directed by [Ang Lee] who has two Oscars. It’s based on an acclaimed book of the same name. The film uses new technology that’s supposed to be the future of filmmaking. So there were big expectations for its world premiere at the New York Film Festival. Unfortunately, many of the critics [were underwhelmed]. And, ironically, many reviewers felt that the tech actually took away from the story. So, unless Billy Lynn really makes a statement at the box office – and it’s out for US Thanksgiving so it’s not impossible – its Oscar chances are probably weaker now after the festival. Here’s the cast in New York promoting the film. Of all the reviews I read, [Kristen Stewart] seems to be the standout, with several critics pointing out that her scenes carry the most emotional weight. After a short trip to Paris last week, Kristen was back in NYC and was seen again with [St Vincent]. And it’s not like they don’t know that their relationship was confirmed by US Weekly just a few days ago. So. It’s as good as official, really. Can we talk about [Garrett Hedlund] though? Just before the start of the New York Film Festival, I wrote that I was hoping we might get some shots of [Garrett and Charlie Hunnam together]. Charlie couldn’t make it but here’s Garrett holding it down on his own. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:55 PM [No Charlie in New York] [Robert Pattinson attends the Closing Night Screening of 'The Lost City Of Z' for the 54th New York Film Festival at Alice Tully Hall, Lincoln Center on October 15, 2016 in New York City] James Gray’s The Lost City Of Z, starring [Charlie Hunnam], was the closing feature at the New York Film Festival this weekend. It was well received, with critics praising Charlie’s performance as well as that of [Sienna Miller], who plays his wife. The film has been picked up by Amazon and will be released next April. Charlie, unfortunately, couldn’t be in New York. James was joined by Sienna and [Robert Pattinson] to represent at the festival. RP looks good with his hair this length, very handsome, but, come on now, this is no suitable replacement for Charlie Hunnam. Here’s the video Charlie sent to explain his absence: Given the length of his hair, I’m assuming he’s shooting the Papillon remake, in the Steve McQueen role. He plays a convict busting out of a prison. That close buzz is a pretty convicty haircut, non? [Rami Malek] is also in Papillon. Charlie + Rami in a movie together might turn me on more than Fifty Shades Of Dark Grey. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:59 PM [JLO & cheating Slum Bear] [Jennifer Lopez on the set of Shades of Blue in New York, October 5, 2016] On the weekend I saw [some photos] of JLO’s Slum Bear working on a music video on the beach. He was surrounded by women in bikinis, flexing like he’s important. He’s gross so I didn’t spent too much time on the page. Then, last night, [PEOPLE] reports that the reason he and JLO broke up in August is because he stepped out on her, citing a source who reveals that: “She kicked him out because he cheated on her and he got caught. It happened two years ago, and he promised he would never do it again and once he did, she was done.” OK but they broke up two months ago. And nobody gave a sh-t why, just that it was finally over and she wasn’t giving him trucks and jobs anymore. So why is she telling us this now, on a Sunday night at 8pm, after new shots of him are made available on a beach, when, really, he’d almost joined the long list of forgettables – with the exception of Ben Affleck – she’s either dated or been married to? Is this something she really wants out there? (Assuming, of course, that PEOPLE is going to go with what she wants out there because otherwise why would PEOPLE need to be leaking anything for Casper Smart?!) She’s [Jennifer Lopez]. She’s JENNIFER LOPEZ. And now we know that a backup bear – who she also had to employ at various times – cheated on her, not once but twice. I don’t understand who this is helping. We didn’t need a rationalisation for why JLO wouldn’t want to be with her Slum Lover anymore. What we would have needed at the very beginning, frankly, is some rationalisation as to why she wanted to be with him in the first place. So if this was some kind of PR move on her part, it’s a mistake. If this was a public notice to him that she’s over it – because PEOPLE’s source also claims that Casper’s been trying to get back together with JLO – it’s still a mistake. There is nothing to be gained for the Jennifer Lopez brand by letting people know that her younger loser no talent of an ex-boyfriend is only now her ex-boyfriend because he was dealing on the side. What is happening to celebrity image management right now? Why are so many big names all of a sudden behaving like amateurs? Attached - JLO on the set of Shades of Blue earlier this month in New York. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:32 PM [Tom Hiddleston lunches alone] [Tom Hiddleston has lunch at The Social on the Gold Coast of Australia, October 16, 2016] [Tom Hiddleston] in Australia this weekend having lunch at his favourite café, The Social. That’s a good name, but I’m biased. Wish we could get a better shot of what he’s eating. Is it a salad? I love eating alone. With my laptop or a good book, it’s the best. I’m heading out of town on Friday and I can’t wait to eat alone that night after the flight. I’ve already planned the book I’m bringing to dinner (The Mothers by Brit Bennett). It’s going to be at least a two hour meal, all by myself, so exciting. As you can see, Tom seems to be enjoying a similar experience. Ask him what he’s reading on his laptop and it would probably be something super wordy and intellectual. Or memorising sonnets. Wouldn’t it be great though if he admitted to googling himself on Saturday mornings? Anyway, Tom, as you know, has been in Australia working on Thor 3 for the last couple of months. He’s expected to be there well into November. And then…? Oh come on. You know what you want the “and then” to be. In service of good gossip you want “and then” to be the rebirth of Swoki. It’s not impossible, OK? They’re still following each other on Instagram. In these times, that’s a beacon of hope. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 2:42 PM [The Timberlakes in New Orleans] [Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel attend the New Orleans Premiere of 'The Book of Love' at the Entergy Giant Screen Theater on October 15, 2016 in New Orleans, Louisiana] [Jessica Biel] and [Justin Timberlake] were at the New Orleans Film Festival on Saturday to screen her film The Book Of Love. She’s the star and producer and he wrote the music. Amazingly he seemed to let her have her moment. Maybe he’s saving up for their wedding anniversary on Wednesday when it can be all about him the way it was on their wedding day. While JT was in New Orleans this weekend, he was hoping you were spending the weekend #TimberlakeAndChill. [I see you...getting your #TimberlakeAndChill on.... @netflix] A photo posted by Justin Timberlake (@justintimberlake) on Oct 12, 2016 at 3:40pm PDT NOPE. On the basis of that hashtag alone…NOPE. #TimberlakeAndChill pretty much sums up why he’s not actually funny when he doesn’t have sketch comedy writers helping him to be funny. It’s the hashtag equivalent of his [constant bowing]. Justin Timberlake has been over-credited for his exaggerated self-perceived cleverness. #TimberlakeAndChill is how we are being punished for it. Also… a little too much foundation on him here, non? He looks like his wax figure. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 1:57 PM [Big Little Lies: the first trailer] [Reese Witherspoon participates in the ALS Association Walk to Defeat ALS in LA, October 16, 2016] If you’ve been reading this site for some time, you might remember that back in 2014 [I kept nagging you] to read a book called Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty. The simple introduction to Big Little Lies is that it’s about the school run, mom alliances, the politics of parenting, basically Mean Girl Moms. And that’s only a surface explanation. Underneath all the small dramas that exist within the school social order is a more complicated commentary about the ugliness that’s hidden by the desire for family perfection, the violent consequences that can result when that ugliness is exposed, and ultimately the binding community of women, within the competitive performance art known as motherhood. In other words, this is a story that’s 100% suited to Hollywood and the blonde star moms who rule the dinner parties. I can’t believe Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t on this show. Big Little Lies for HBO is co-produced by [Reese Witherspoon] and [Nicole Kidman] and will be released next year. The first trailer for the series was released this weekend and I love it. Reese is as perfect as Madeline as we all knew she would be. And, because this is HBO, it’s a lot sexier than it reads as a book. Still dark, and still bitchy, and hopefully just as gossipy, but definitely sexy. Attached – Reese in LA this weekend participating in the ALS Association Walk to Defeat ALS. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 1:33 PM [Protesting Leo] [Leonardo DiCaprio attends the 'Before The Flood' screening during the 60th BFI London Film Festival at Odeon Leicester Square on October 15, 2016 in London, England] [Leonardo DiCaprio] was in London on Saturday to screen his environmental awareness documentary, Before The Flood. Over the last few months, I’ve written a few times about The Hollywood Reporter’s [ongoing and extensive coverage] of Leo’s alleged connection to the Malaysian money scandal. At the end of August, the Bruno Manser Funds, a charitable organisation trying to save the Malaysian rainforest, called Leo out for his possible link to corruption and for allegedly accepting funds that were the direct result of said corruption both on behalf of his own charity and one of his film projects, The Wolf Of Wall Street. This weekend, The Bruno Manser Funds held a press conference ahead of Leo’s screening in London. According to [The Hollywood Reporter]: At a press conference in London, the Bruno Manser Funds offered DiCaprio an ultimatum: either he renounce his connections to the "politically exposed persons" at the center of the multi-billion dollar 1MDB Malaysian corruption scandal now being investigated by the U.S. Justice Department and return corrupt money he allegedly received or resign from the position he was given by UN secretary general Ban Ki-moon in 2014. "If DiCaprio is unwilling to come clean, we ask him to step down as UN Messenger for Peace for climate change, because he simply lacks the credibility for such an important role," said Lukas Straumann, director of the Switzerland-based charity, which has a particular focus on deforestation in Malaysia. DiCaprio is alleged to have received millions of dollars diverted from the 1MDB sovereign wealth fund for his role as star and producer of The Wolf of Wall Street, alleged by the DOJ to have been funded by stolen Malaysian money and produced by Red Granite, co-founded by Riza Aziz, the stepson of the Malaysian prime minister and a major figure in a DOJ filing. He is also alleged to have received laundered 1MDB money for his charity, the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation, from his former close associate Jho Low, the controversial Malaysian businessman at the heart of the scandal. Two executives from the Bruno Manser Funds had tickets to the Before The Flood premiere but were then apparently [blocked from entering the event]. They later told THR that they were exercising their democratic right to protest and should have been allowed to see the movie. Leo, meanwhile, has yet to comment on the situation, probably because few media outlets have bothered to pick up the story, even though The Hollywood Reporter has been pretty tenacious in pushing it. He’s Leo, after all. The Alpha Wolf is rarely challenged, not from within Hollywood and not outside of it either. And it doesn’t seem like that’s going to change. Back in September, [The Hollywood Reporter] published a story about Leo and Marlon Brando’s [missing Oscar] for On The Waterfront. The Oscar was gifted to Leo by Riza Aziz and Jho Low, the two men implicated in the Malaysian money scandal. The suggestion here is that they used embezzled money to purchase the statue to please Leo on his 38th birthday. This is typically an activity that the Academy discourages – the sale and trade of their awards. Whenever possible, if the original winners are not in possession of their Oscars, the Academy tries to recover the statues for their archives. And Marlon Brandon’s statue has been the subject of some intrigue for some time because no one really knows how he lost it. Given the shady way Leo seems to have acquired it, some think it’s especially curious why the Academy hasn’t aggressively pursued the return of Marlon Brando’s Oscar they way they’ve pursued other memorabilia. But, remember, Leo himself is a member of the Academy and he has helped the Academy hunt down other items for their museum. So maybe it doesn’t matter to them that one of their own allegedly has ties to international thieves. [Click here] to read THR’s full report on Leo’s controversial ownership of the Marlon Brando Oscar. Tell me again why we have to talk about this guy like he’s some kind of saint? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 1:11 PM [October 17, 2016 – Smutty Shout-Outs] [Happy Birthday, Erin!] “Erin! Happy 40th birthday from Allison! Welcome to what I am sure will be the best decade so far. I would give anything to be in California with you - perhaps a vacation in Weessssst Coveeeeeeeeena(!) is in order. May your day be filled with sub-zero temps, OREO thins, martini's straight-up with a twist and most importantly - no stupid people. There's been lots of ups and downs since we started IMing in 2008, but here's to lots of ups in the coming years! Allison” “Anne! Congratulations on your call to the Newfoundland & Labrador Bar! Your work ethic is like no other, your legal brain sharp as a knife and your capacity for empathy as wide as the biggest ocean. We are all better off with you as a legal advocate. Congrats my friend and get your ass to Toronto so we can celebrate appropriately! Eva" [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 12:46 PM [Privacy Policy] - [Unsubscribe]