Newsletter Friday, September 16, 2016

[LaineyGossip.com - Calling all smuthounds!] Friday, September 16, 2016 [Intro for September 16, 2016] Dear Gossips, I am one of four co-hosts on a live daily talk show in Canada called [The Social]. Yesterday we aired a segment that’s one of the best pieces we’ve ever done. It was an interview with [A Tribe Called Red], the First Nations DJ collective based in Canada. Their new album We Are The Halluci Nation features collaborations with a diverse range of artists including Narcy and Yasiin Bey who both appear, alongside drum crew Black Bear, on the first single, R.E.D. – see video below. Ian Campeau, Bear Witness, and Tim Hill came to promote their work and their work is about challenging, through their art, the “[lingering effects of colonialism]”, first by starting a conversation. It’s not an easy conversation. Here in Canada, it’s a really uncomfortable conversation. Too often, it’s an avoided conversation. Neil McDonald wrote an article last week called “[Why clicking on this story about Indigenous people matters]”, pointing out that non-Native Canadians simply aren’t paying attention. Let me call myself out: I am a non-Native Canadian and I simply don’t pay enough attention. With respect to many issues, over and above First Nations issues, I have been ignorant and insensitive. But I have also been inspired, over and over again the last few years, by people who are kind and wise and woke, so woke that they have been generous enough to forgive and then patient enough to engage me in the hopes of educating me. People like Ian Campeau, Bear Witness, and Tim Hill, A Tribe Called Red. Their interview on The Social was one of the most powerful discussions we’ve ever had on our show – and it was only 8 minutes. I’ve embedded the video below or [you can watch it here]. As Bear said towards the end of the conversation, the point is not to get angry, the point is to be heard, and to be understood. I want to understand. But I am also a stupid asshole who needs to be led to understanding. Ian, Bear, and Tim are leaders. As are many of you who’ve been reaching out since I started this blog, with guidance and reading recommendations, and sometimes a lot of shouting. I appreciate it so much. A Tribe Called Red’s We Are The Halluci Nation was released today and is [available on iTunes]. Have a great weekend! Yours in gossip, Lainey [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 1:40 PM [Orlando Bloom is blonde, and on Instagram] About a month ago, [Orlando Bloom] was photographed on holiday with [Katy Perry] and he wasn’t wearing any clothes. Those photos were all over the internet. And he didn’t complain. Nobody cried about privacy being invaded, nobody called it a violation. I called it a [cock-boost]. Because Orlando’s dick made Orlando an actual conversation again. And Orlando has continued to [ride the momentum] generated by his own penis – and his girlfriend. Yesterday Orlando decided to make his Instagram public: [A photo posted by orlandobloom (@orlandobloom)] on Sep 15, 2016 at 8:20am PDT Caved? [Justin Bieber] shut down his Instagram almost a month ago and fans were begging him to come back. I’ve never heard of anyone begging Orlando Bloom to switch his Instagram over from private to public. Like, I know I’m old, but I’m pretty sure if there was some kind of #openOrlando movement happening online, I wouldn’t have missed it. Nobody was f-cking pressuring Orlando to open his Insta. “Caving”, then, is some Scott Eastwood bullsh-t right there. This is not a “cave”. This is more of a “wave”. As in both arms, above his head, sweeping back and forth begging you to notice him. And his first post after “caving”? A new shot of himself, blonde, on the set of Smart Chase: Fire & Earth. [back to blond...rolling to set...] A photo posted by orlandobloom (@orlandobloom) on Sep 16, 2016 at 7:47am PDT According to IMDb, the movie is about a “washed-up private security agent (who) has to escort a valuable Chinese antique out of Shanghai but is ambushed en route”. I’m assuming Orly is the “private security agent” who knows so much about security he colours his hair look-at-me I’m sexy blonde while guarding a precious artifact, like that wouldn’t automatically make him a proper heatscore at all. Which is all you really need to know about Orlando Bloom’s career. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 7:46 PM [Marky Mark doesn’t need a pardon] [Mark Wahlberg at the 2016 Toronto International Film Festival - 'Deepwater Horizon' premiere, September 13, 2016] [Mark Wahlberg] was at TIFF earlier this week to promote Deepwater Horizon. There is one reason I might – might – see Deepwater Horizon and it’s not Mark Wahlberg. It’s Gina Rodriguez. Most people who go see Deepwater Horizon, however, are going for Marky Mark. Because … I can’t finish that sentence. Perhaps you can send me some suggestions. While in Toronto, Mark talked about that pardon [he applied for]. You’ll recall, he was a racist, violent asshole when he was younger and now that he’s a Hollywood mogul, he wants that permanently removed from the record. Or he did. Mark revealed to the press at the festival that he’s no longer interested in pursuing a pardon. According to [The Boston Globe] (thanks Kaluwa!): Wahlberg told reporters he regrets asking for the pardon because it served to resuscitate a story that many people didn’t know or forgot about and that he’d worked hard over the past two-plus decades to put the incident behind him. “If I could’ve done it over again I would never have focused on that or applied,” Wahlberg said. “I didn’t need that. I spent 28 years righting the wrong. I didn’t need a piece of paper to acknowledge it. I was kind of pushed into doing it. I certainly didn’t need to or want to relive that stuff over again.” The actor did say that applying for a pardon had given him a chance to meet and apologize to one of his victims, and he was grateful for that. Before you start playing that funky music again, please note how many “I” statements he uses there. It’s still all about him and what he does or doesn’t need. And what he has and hasn’t done. And, tellingly, how he was “pushed into doing it”. Mark Wahlberg got a lot of backlash for that pardon application. First of all, he committed a hate crime – what the F-CK was he doing asking to be exonerated for it? Second, he was asking for a pardon because it would make it easier for him to make more money, like it was inconveniently getting in the way of his business deals. It was gross and he was rightly called out for it and now? Now he’s stepped away from seeking the pardon but trying to tell us that he wasn’t even the one who wanted it in the first place, like other people forced him to do it. Marky Mark was forced to do something he didn’t want to do? Marky Mark who crushes ice with his eyelids, the same Marky Mark? Marky Mark, the most MAN man in a world of men, was pushed into doing something against his will? PUSHED? Right. So he takes credit for all the good sh-t because of his man-integrity and man-character but whenever it’s a bad decision, Marky Mark, the real man, blames it on someone else. You sure you want to be fangirling for this guy? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 7:15 PM [Smutty Social Media, September 16, 2016] [Mindy Kaling at The Paley Center for Media's 10th Annual PaleyFest Fall TV Previews honoring Hulu's The Mindy Project at the Paley Center for Media on September 15, 2016 in Beverly Hills, California] Naomi Watts, Mark Ruffalo and Olivia Wilde took an art class together. [Fantastic night tonight @nyacademyofart Drawing party, hosted by the brilliant #willcotton Best students here releasing their inner artistic talents @markruffalo @sunriseruffalo 👏🏆🎨👍🙌 #itsnotmeinthebackground] A photo posted by Naomi Watts (@naomiwatts) on Sep 15, 2016 at 6:52pm PDT Lindsay Lohan takes photos of herself in the change room. [#tomford #love #regrets for not buying it @theofficialselfridges] A photo posted by Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) on Sep 16, 2016 at 8:56am PDT Leo traded in the Wolf Pack for UN Messengers of Peace. [I’m at the UN today to observe #PeaceDay and support #GlobalGoals. I’m inspired by how far we have come in the fight against #climatechange and I’m optimistic that we can alter the course of our planet’s history before it’s too late. #Regram #RG @janegoodallinst: This is a #dreamteam of @unitednations Messengers of Peace! @leonardodicaprio and #michaeldouglas represent initiatives to stop climate change and disarm nuclear weapons, respectively, and met with Dr. Jane Goodall to move us all to commit to sustainable development and an effort toward peace for our future. What would you ask this group? Follow along on snapchat and Twitter @janegoodallinst and on the Dr Jane Goodall and JGI Facebook pages! #sdg #peaceday #leodicaprio #janegoodall #janegoodalltalk] A photo posted by Leonardo DiCaprio (@leonardodicaprio) on Sep 16, 2016 at 8:38am PDT Mindy Kaling has finally met her match. [Soul mates] A photo posted by Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) on Sep 15, 2016 at 8:35pm PDT I like to call Kate Upton’s new brand, “America F-ck Yeah!” [#nofilter #statueofliberty] A photo posted by Kate Upton (@kateupton) on Sep 15, 2016 at 7:05pm PDT Fallon had Trump on last night, and there’s been some criticism from respected comedians, writers and TV people on Twitter. As someone who has never liked Fallon’s brand of goofy likeability at all costs, I say, “Welcome.” Coming up next, Pol Pot's horoscope! — Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) [September 16, 2016] When you have a few minutes today, read [this story in New York Magazine] about a reporter’s encounter with Bethenny Frankel at a “Most Stylish New Yorkers” party, attended by the likes of Frankie Grande. On its face, it’s embarrassing (for Bethenny), but it also speaks to the unrelenting power celebrities, even minor ones, can exercise over media outlets. Bachelorettes demanding not to be asked about The Bachelor. Housewives snapping on red carpets. No photos or interviews allowed inside a press party. It’s absurd. [#NYFW @USWeekly party #StyleCodeLive] A photo posted by Frankie James Grande (@frankiejgrande) on Sep 14, 2016 at 4:30pm PDT [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:52 PM [Miley at 23] [Miley Cyrus covers ELLE] [Miley Cyrus]’s new [ELLE cover feature] was released this week ahead of her debut as a judge on the upcoming season of The Voice, beginning on Monday and her new Amazon series Crisis Is Six Scenes beginning September 30. The premiere was last night in New York. Most of the headlines this week coming out of the magazine article were about her comments about no longer doing red carpets: "[A year ago] I had to do the [A Very Murray Christmas] premiere, and I will never do a red carpet again. Why, when people are starving, am I on a carpet that's red? Because I'm 'important'? Because I'm 'famous'? That's not how I roll. It's like a skit—it's like Zoolander." Naturally a lot of the reaction coming out of quote has been to point out that, um, Miley, you’re saying this on the cover of a fashion magazine. I don’t think that’s unjustified. Miley is 23 years old with all the sanctimony of a 23 year old who, at 23, sees how far she’s come since she was 16 but somehow can’t see how much farther she’ll end up going by the time she’s 33, and then 43 although, ironically, she unconsciously forecasts it herself twice in this interview. The full interview is not yet online. I read it through the digital subscription. Here are the two mentions: “Everyone does this as they get older. When I look at my little sister [Noah], who’s 16, I don’t judge her for anything she does because I remember where I was at that time. I was such an emotional person – I’m still such an emotional person – but I was trying to find out who I was. You go through these states, especially in our industry.” And: “When we were that age, we so thought we knew who we were. When people say you’re going to be so different at 22 or 23, when you’re 16, you’re like, I’m so no! And then you change drastically. But when you’re younger, you’re more selfish, because there’s so much self-exploration, you’re in your own mind. I didn’t think about the meat I was eating. I would wear leather; I would wear fur. I was just uneducated.” Right now, Miley is speaking with the conviction of someone who has been through a major transformation and so, understandably, it must feel to her like she’s been permanently cemented. She sounds like this through the entire article. In her mind, she is her most authentic self. She doesn’t wear makeup. She’s not “doing it” anymore – publicists, makeup, commercials, not even Instagram, really, because she now sends her photos and captions to someone else to post on her behalf so that she doesn’t have to read the bullsh-t in her mentions. And, as she explains, a lot of it goes back to guilt. Guilt that there is so much pain in the world while she’s part of a world built on pretence and mirrors. Her answer to that is to give back through her Happy Hippie foundation and to cut through the fraud of the celebrity. What’s interesting to me, here, is that in her attempt to be as relatable as possible to “real” people, I’m not sure she knows, given her position, that “real” people actually have to wear masks every day to survive. Real people can’t show up to interviews stoned. Real people actually have to fake it in life and at work to get by. That may be the ultimate privilege of the ultra-famous: that they can afford to “be themselves”, through whatever filtered prism they see themselves, when the rest of us have to be several versions of ourselves – in boardrooms, in the checkout line, at the doctor’s office – to hang on to what we have. That said, it’s not like she doesn’t mean well. I believe her when she claims she’s actively trying not to be an asshole. I believe her when she insists that her mind is as open as it can be, that her version of not “doing it” is to legitimately connect with the contestants on The Voice, give as much of herself to them as she’s promised, perhaps more than any judge on the history of the show. I believe that’s what we’ll see on the show: a Miley who is deeply committed to helping these young artists launch their careers. But I also believe that Miley at 23 is still quite naïve, the way we all are at 23. After all, she just worked with Woody Allen. Attached - Miley in New York today for the Today Show, and with [Liam] last night heading to the Crisis In Six Scenes premiere. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:07 PM [Pass on Blair Witch] [Cast and crew attend the 'Blair Witch' premiere during the 2016 Toronto International Film Festival at Ryerson Theatre on September 11, 2016 in Toronto, Canada] Director Adam Wingard and writer Simon Barrett have made two of my favorite genre films of the last several years, You’re Next and The Guest. These guys are really good at remixing genre standards into something fresh and a little weird. So when it came out earlier in the summer that they collaborated on a sequel/soft reboot of The Blair Witch Project, called simply Blair Witch, I thought that if anyone could take the Blair Witch premise and turn it into an actual good movie, it would be Wingard and Barrett. And when the chance to see Blair Witch popped up at TIFF, I took it, and after ninety minutes of nausea-inducing garbage, I conceded defeat. Wingard and Barrett did not make a good Blair Witch movie. And frankly, I don’t think anyone can. This is a sh*t premise. Blair Witch opens with James (James Allen McCune, Shameless) packing up to go on a trip to Maryland in hopes of finding news about his sister Heather, who disappeared in the Black Hills Forest years earlier (i.e., the events of the first film). He’s accompanied by his girlfriend, Lisa (Callie Hernandez, La La Land), who is a documentary student, thus giving the kids an excuse to arm themselves with cameras, making this a found footage film. Watching Blair Witch is like being f*cking punished. Wingard is a strongly visual director, with a flair for choosing shots that combine the odd and the threatening, and who can, in a traditionally photographed film, make the most mundane moments frightening. But found footage renders all that skill redundant, and we spend most of our time staring at the forest floor or leaves as the kids wander around screaming each other’s names, exactly like in the original. Wingard only gets to do one genuinely scary scene, which is a nice piece of body horror, because the bulk of the movie is just incoherent yelling in the woods. I do not understand hiring a guy like Wingard to direct this sh*t. It’s like getting Ghandi to moderate your model UN. James and Lisa are joined by their friends, Peter (Brandon Scott, Wreck It Ralph) and Ashley (Broadway actor Corbin Reid), and together they meet up with local Burkittsville conspiracy theorists Lane (Wes Robinson, Roadies) and Talia (Valorie Curry, House of Lies). Lane and Talia are Goth kids who have a Confederate flag in their house, which makes them The Worst, and the one enjoyable moment in Blair Witch is the look on Peter’s face when he sees the Confederate flag. Once in the woods the movie just rehashes the original, complete with panicked breathing, under-lit photography, snapping twigs, and so. Much. Goddamn. Screaming. Poor Barrett, who is a clever screenwriter, is forced to write page after page of “JAMES: [Screaming] Peter!” And serious warning here—this movie WILL make you motion sick. I’m not particularly sensitive to that and even so, I almost couldn’t handle it. The cinematography is f*cking GARBAGE, which is always the case with found footage. The cinematographer is Robby Baumgartner, who also lensed The Guest, which is just another insult, that this guy who shot that memorably visual movie is now stuck photographing f*cking leaves. Does anyone actually like this? Who really enjoys movies that look like they were made inside a garbage disposal? There is no good Blair Witch movie to be made. If Wingard & Barrett can’t do it—and they cannot—then no one can. Had they been allowed to shoot the movie traditionally, abandoning the found footage premise, perhaps they could have salvaged something and made an interesting, scary movie. But they’re stuck with this bullsh*t format and bullsh*t story and the result is deeply unpleasant with the bonus of making you actually nauseous. If you want a scary movie about people stuck in the woods, try [The Witch] (it’s on demand). Blair Witch, though, is a hard pass. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 4:00 PM [Z for Zayn] [Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid at JFK airport, September 15, 2016] [Zayn Malik] and [Gigi Hadid] held hands on the way out of New York yesterday. They’ve been together in NYC for fashion week where Gigi promoted her collaboration with Tommy Hilfiger. Oh yeah, and Taylor Swift [helped with that too]. But it’s not just been about Gigi. Because a couple of days ago it was also announced that Zayn, in addition to [producing an HBO drama] about a boy band, will be releasing his autobiography in November. I LOVE the way [The Guardian] headlined this story: Zayn Malik to publish debut autobiography, aged 23 The Guardian goes on to describe the book as follows: “Rather than pages of written narrative, however, the book will feature his thoughts, drawings and personal photographs.” Well, obviously. A words-only book would take a lot longer to put together. Doodles on a napkin and pictures from his phone don’t require much editing, if at all. As Zayn says in the press release: “I’m going to show you as much as I can so that you can judge me on my own terms, not on what the press or anyone else says.” Great. Because I already have all kinds of opinions about a 23 year old who thinks it’s a good idea to release an autobiography. Is that unfair, though? Perhaps. For a millennial who’s grown up on social media, maybe 5 years for them is the equivalent of 20 years for previous generations. Like, maybe, even though he and I are 20 years apart, maybe Zayn’s “soul” age and my age are exactly the same, because he’s lived so much, and all of it has been, literally, documented. Anyway, here’s the cover of his book: [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:06 PM [Woody Harrelson as LBJ] [Woody Harrelson arrives at the 2016 Toronto International Film Festival - 'LBJ' premiere held at Roy Thomson Hall on September 15, 2016 in Toronto, Canada] Bryan Cranston won the Tony for his portrayal of Lyndon B. Johnson in [All the Way], and he's up for two Emmys this weekend for the televised version of the same role. So, when news broke that [Woody Harrelson] would also play LBJ in a Rob Reiner film about his life from 1960 to 1964, even Woody thought he would be overshadowed by Bryan. [He told Deadline]: “I thought, ‘Oh my God. Bryan is like the Brando of our time and I’m also playing LBJ?’ I was a bit terrified of that because it’s Bryan Cranston. I thought, ‘What the hell are we doing LBJ for when he’s playing LBJ?’" But, it turns out that Bryan played more of a mentor than a rival to Woody, and lent him his rolodex of LBJ experts, noting it was an "embarrassment of riches." Woody continued: “I just can’t tell you how helpful Bryan was – he didn’t look at us in competition at all. ... “I mean, what a mensch. I can’t say I would do that. No way I am helping this guy. I hope he fails miserably. I just hope it’s a disaster,” Harrelson laughed. ... “But instead, this guy was amazing. I can’t say enough about him. And it wasn’t just one or two times, but throughout the whole process he was really, really helpful." It makes sense, then, that Bryan and Woody's LBJs share some of his trademark ticks. On-screen, they both show him as somebody who asks for a longer crotch from his tailor because of his endowment, and highlight his predilection for holding meetings while on the john. Yet Woody's LBJ flexes a lot more humour than Bryan, and both interpretations of LBJ's life show him as a reluctant civil rights crusader. LBJ is much more sympathetic to Johnson than All the Way though. The film starts with LBJ's reluctant acceptance of JFK (Jeffrey Donovan) as the Democratic nominee for President. While watching him on TV, Johnson says to his wife, Lady Bird (Jennifer Jason Leigh), "I've never seen a politician look that handsome on TV. I've never seen a movie star look that handsome on TV!" He knows he's not JFK, but since "Kennedy can't speak Southern," he takes on the role of interpreter and mediator between the two political worlds. And according to Lady Bird, the reason why he had never intended to run for President (in 1960) was because he's "afraid of being loved." Woody's LBJ is brassy, quippy and a red-blooded Texan. Every meeting sets him up to deliver an epic punchline, and when he becomes President after JFK's assassination, this sassy side of his personality goes into overdrive. He'll reference Shakespeare's Julius Caesar to his staffers, yet, he'll quote Brutus. But he's hardly a Brutus. Reiner shows LBJ as surprisingly capable, and that he has just as much political vision as JFK, with a lot less flash. The film (repeatedly) notes that Kennedy was elected with a close margin of error, and that his rampant popularity only spread to one side of the country. There was still a lot of work to be done, and LBJ became the reluctant president to embrace that role and not only carry on the Kennedy legacy, but help usher it into the mainstream. Meanwhile, conversations with Sen. Richard Russell (Richard Jenkins) are used to show how LBJ came to embrace his role as a civil eights champion. LBJ has all of the building blocks to be a successful, conventional biopic. Woody's prosthetics are comical, but his performance is just as nuanced or interesting as Bryan's is in any incarnation of All the Way. This particular acting mentorship worked... if only the film was more inventive. Reiner's no stranger to the Oval Office either, having previously directed The American President. Plus, it's hard not to read into the "margin of error" political talk as a cautionary tale going into the 2016 election. LBJ is an average political dramedy that only plays it straight when it needs to, and while it barely gives Jennifer Jason Leigh anything to do aside from a few quiet scenes (and it steers clear of any Vietnam war drama), it's a great performance piece for Woody. Ultimately, the film's schmaltzy Mr. Holland's Opus-esque music and overly sentimental "A-ha!" monologues detract from its effectiveness, but Woody's cheeky interpretation of LBJ is worth the price of admission. 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