Newsletter Monday, August 08, 2016

[LaineyGossip.com - Calling all smuthounds!] Monday, August 08, 2016 [Intro for August 8, 2016] [Frank Ocean] Dear Gossips, A week ago today [The New York Times] reported that Frank Ocean’s long-awaited album, the follow-up to his acclaimed Channel Orange, would finally be released on Friday. The New York Times is a pretty f-cking legit source. But Friday came and went – no album. People now believe, [based on his library card], that Boys Don’t Cry will be coming in November. And a lot of people have a lot of feelings about whether or not the November date will come and go and just when Frank will be ready to bless us with his next Pink Matter. Even Adele has feelings about when Frank will be ready to bless us with his next Pyramids, as [she told Rolling Stone] last year that, "I'm just f-cking waiting for Frank f-cking Ocean to come out with his album," she says. "It's taking so f-cking long." She blinks, pauses, laughs again. "That sounds so stupid, coming from me, doesn't it?" It doesn’t sound stupid. Partly it’s because he’s given us so many hints, opening the door for a second before slamming it closed again, (or leaving the camera running for hours while he [mysteriously works on some wood]), keeping us curious, keeping us hungry. And partly it’s because, well, there are so few artists who keep their own sweet time these days, resisting the urge to be rushed and, arguably, the urge to be out there in the world, participating and being celebrated. Which is why the most interesting article I read this weekend was [Frank Ocean, Harper Lee and the Reclusive Artist], a comparison between the two artists. “How do we maintain an earnest interest in and desire for art we love, while respecting the autonomy of the person who creates it and the fact that creating anything at all is the most excruciating of human endeavors?” And that piece reminded me of another piece I read the week before, which is about Drake. If Frank Ocean is sparing and withholding, Drake would be the exact opposite. Eve L Ewing compared Frank to Harper Lee. Nico Lang [compares Drake to the Beatles], arguing that Drake’s seemingly limitless artistic output the last couple of years is approaching overexposure, something the Beatles flirted with in 1964 when they released 9 LPs and EPs in one year. As much as I enjoy Drake, it does feel like a week can’t go by without him telling us that there’s yet another new song, non? But, like, is that ungrateful? Drake goes to work, a lot. And he works hard. And then he shares that work when he’s done. And then he keeps working. That shouldn’t be a problem, should it? What’s the Three Bears answer to a “just right” balance in releasing new material? Yours in gossip, Lainey [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 12:59 PM [Britney’s two weeks to Glory] [Britney Spears in Hawaii with her family and friends, August 7, 2016] [Britney Spears] was on holiday in Hawaii last week and shared several photos and video of herself on the beach and on the private yacht with her kids. [Another great day!] A video posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on Aug 4, 2016 at 5:05pm PDT [Wheeeee! #Hawaii 🌺] A video posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on Aug 7, 2016 at 5:04pm PDT And this shot of herself, because she’s as fit as she’s ever been: [Still dreaming a mile a minute... 💙] A photo posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on Aug 6, 2016 at 3:27pm PDT According to her social media accounts, she just left today. Britney’s not scheduled to be back in Vegas for her residency until Wednesday of next week. But the album is coming August 26th. And there’s no way there won’t be any promotion in the lead-up to the release. August 26th is a Friday. The MTV Video Music Awards happen just two days later, on Sunday August 28th, in New York City. Britney does not have a show in Vegas that night, nor does she have a show for three days before the VMAs and two full days after. I can’t imagine the VMAs not wanting Britney to be there, especially since some of the biggest highlights of Britney’s career took place at the VMAs. Britney’s possible appearance is especially interesting – maybe just to me and Duana – because this VMAs in particular should belong to [Beyoncé] who has the most nominations. And one of the fun facts that we’ve always found most fascinating about Beyoncé and Britney is that they were born the same year. They’re the same age! That was 12 years ago. And even then, I wonder if Beyoncé knew that the next time she did a Pepsi ad she’d be [co-starring with herself]. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 7:57 PM [The celebrity dick-off] [Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom on vacation together in Italy, August 6, 2016] Nine months after the world met [Justin Bieber]’s dick, we were introduced to [Orlando Bloom]’s last week. Thank you paparazzi. Let’s come back to the paps in a minute. For now, it’s the celebrity dick-off. And since Orly and JB have history, JB decided to respond with some updated cock shots of his own while on holiday in Hawaii. Coincidence or conspiracy? I’m sure I don’t have to tell you where to find them. You’ve probably already seen them. Orly hasn’t been this popular since before Elizabethtown, thanks to his dick boost. JB’s dick also brought him a lot of street cred when he was swinging it around in Bora Bora last year. His father was [proud of him then], and he’s still proud of him now. [@justinbieber] A photo posted by Jeremy Bieber (@jeremybieber) on Aug 6, 2016 at 10:14am PDT [@justinbieber] A photo posted by Jeremy Bieber (@jeremybieber) on Aug 6, 2016 at 10:09am PDT And, of course, nobody but nobody is bothering to pretend to be upset about the paps and how they “invaded” Orly and JB’s privacy. Because, again, only women’s bodies are weaponised against them. We are told how what we can and can’t do to our own bodies. And we are told when and why we should be ashamed of them. If this had happened to a female celebrity, will we ever get to a point where that power can be neutralised? That female nudity will no longer be hurtful to the woman who is nude? Imagine two women on a talk show discussing the pussies that have been paparazzied and comparing the scale and proportion of the pussies the way [Seth Rogen] did with Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live: “You know what? Charlize Theron is a tall woman. But her pussy is totally proportionate to her height. Like proportionately her pussy still looks to scale.” What they’re not showing us here is the conversation that happens off-camera. Which might be similar to Jacek’s reaction when he saw Orly’s dick: “Yeah, that’s a good size cock but it also looks like he gave it a twirl before those pictures were taken”. Jacek’s other point to support that Orly certainly didn’t mind that he was being photographed is that he clearly didn’t mind that he was being photographed. Any dude swinging his sh-t around in front of friends and others knows that A. there will be no negative consequence because he’s not a woman and B. there will be positive consequence because of his size. So, here’s Orly, with [Katy], enjoying the status afforded him by his impressive dick, pumping it up even further by groping her tits in the water, a hero to men everywhere. [Click here to see more shots] of Orlando fondling Katy and taking off his shorts again on holiday. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 7:21 PM [Smutty Tingles] Do you have to be high to watch Martha Stewart getting high with Snoop in the kitchen? ([Dlisted]) Eddie Redmayne and Hannah Bagshawe at the Olympics ([Just Jared]) Another single royal ([Cele|bitchy]) Seth Rogen looks pretty good in a grey turtleneck too ([TooFab]) The couple with the best hair ([Pop Sugar]) Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton’s wedding plans ([The Superficial]) I have never seen this before. And it’s amazing. I love badminton. And I’m very good at it. ([Hollywood Tuna]) Great print on Malin Akerman ([Go Fug Yourself]) Selena Gomez on the guys who hit on her and the guys who don’t ([Celebuzz]) [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 6:30 PM [Supersensitive Winona Ryder] [Winona Ryder covers New York Magazine ] Have you finished Stranger Things yet? Stranger Things is the hit of the summer. And while it’s not a perfect series, as Sarah [writes in her review], it’s a compulsively watchable – and terrifying, at least for me – show that stars [Winona Ryder]. This is great for Winona Ryder. Or, maybe, it’s great for fans of Winona Ryder, like me. Because it’s been so long since Winona’s been able to claim a career win. Which is something that means more to people who enjoy watching Winona Ryder than Winona Ryder herself. Winona covers the new issue of New York Magazine. And it’s basically a conversation about how she’s perceived. More specifically, how we perceive her. How her sensitivity has drawn us to her but, at the same time, has been used against her. I am guilty of this, I think. I am guilty of being enchanted, perhaps unfairly, to her enigmatic vulnerability. Do I shame her for it though? She rejects the idea that her being supersensitive means she’s somehow weak, unreliable: “I wish I could unknow this, but there is a perception of me that I’m supersensitive and fragile. And I am supersensitive, and I don’t think that that’s a bad thing. To do what I do, I have to remain open.” She says that sensitive is so often used as a bad word — a euphemism for weak or crazy. “There’s a line in the show where someone says [of herStranger Things character], ‘She’s had anxiety problems in the past.’ A lot of people have picked up on that, like, ‘Oh, you know, she’s crazy.’ And I’m like, ‘Okay, wait a second, she’s struggling.’ Two kids, deadbeat dad, working her ass off. Who wouldn’t be anxious? But it’s exactly that quality, her supersensitivity, that has made me care about her for 25 years. I don’t want any less of it. I don’t want that to ever go away. She’s right though. Because at the same time, those eyes, I have worried about those eyes. And I suppose that’s what she’s saying here, that’s what’s unfair about the way she’s perceived. If you acknowledge that her sensitivity makes her endearing, makes her relatable, being concerned about what’s in those eyes also traps her in a place where she risks us believing somehow that she can’t truly be whole when, really, she’s just allowing herself to not have to live up to being whole all the time, which is impossible. [Click here to read the full piece] on Winona Ryder in New York Magazine. The pictures are gorgeous. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:54 PM [When Scott Eastwood talks] [Scott Eastwood leaves his New York hotel, August 4, 2016] It’s exhausting. Or maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s the opposite of exhausting to be that stupid. The last time we caught up with [Scott Eastwood] he was narcing on other actors, [in front of his dad], like the principal’s tattle-tale son, for staying in their trailers all day instead of hanging out on set and learning. And yet, in spite of all that, his father has yet to cast him in a leading role in any of his movies. Clint Eastwood has made a movie with Justin Timberlake in the lead…over his own son. Think about that. Does it make you feel sad and sorry for Scott Eastwood? Just wait, because he’s about to ruin it. Scott has been doing press lately for Suicide Squad, even though nobody gives a sh-t that he’s in it. [PEOPLE decided to ask him] about being in Taylor Swift’s Wildest Dreams video which isn’t so much a question about him as it is a question about her. Because she’s Taylor Swift. And he’s a guy who starred in a Nicholas Sparks movie and was [supposed to become a star] only, again, nobody gives a sh-t. So here’s what he had to say about his Taylor experience…now…like a year later: "None of my agents wanted me to do it, actually," Eastwood revealed. "They said, 'Oh, we don't want you to do that! Why would you be Taylor Swift's boy toy?' And I said, 'Why the hell not?'" So after ratting out his co-stars who don’t leave their trailers, Scott Eastwood is now ratting out his management for telling him not to take the job that put him next to one of the biggest popstars in the world. That’s one way of looking at it. The other way of looking at it is that he ignored the counsel of his management and ended up being in a controversial music video by one of the biggest popstars in the world. Of all the music videos that Taylor Swift has produced, Scott Eastwood, the luck killer, is in the one that was heavily criticised for its white colonialism. So he loses both ways. He’s either disloyal to his team or he’s too dumb to listen to his team. But what’s fascinating about Scott Eastwood is that he remains totally unaware, the living embodiment of ignorance is bliss. In other Scott news, apparently he [hooked up with Charlotte McKinney this weekend]. Attached - Scott leaving his hotel in NYC last week. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 4:55 PM [Taylor was in the Hamptons too] [Taylor Swift] Gwyneth and Beyoncé were [in the Hamptons this weekend] and so was [Taylor Swift]. On Saturday night, Taylor was with [Karlie Kloss] at Michael Hess’s 30th birthday party. Nelly performed and pulled Taylor up on stage to duet on Dilemma with him. [#taylorswift #nelly #taylornation #theswiftietag] A video posted by 💎💎💎 (@cherrylips.krystalskies) on Aug 7, 2016 at 8:00am PDT Taylor and Nelly have been friends a while. And Taylor and Karlie have [known Michael Hess a while]. He’s the one in the ball cap. She gives him a kiss on the cheek. Another vid of Taylor and Nelly! [pic.twitter.com/9dWHkrzG89] — Hardcore Swiftie (@Swift13Updates) [August 7, 2016] Michael goes by “Mikey” to his friends. And he’s close with Karlie’s VC millionaire boyfriend Joshua Kushner. I wrote about Taylor and Karlie-Joshua’s Instagram connection a couple of weeks ago when Instagram was apparently [helping her censor negative comments]. Mikey is also very, very, very wealthy. His name sounded familiar to me and it took me a minute this morning to remember where I had read about him. It was from a piece on [Harvard’s Super Rich MBAs] three years ago. I think I was following a link about secret societies and how a regular person who doesn’t come from a legacy family might feel pressured and driven to extremes if surrounded by rich kids, on Instagram or otherwise. The article explores the growing divide between the trust fund babies and the other students who didn’t have access to family wealth and connections. Mikey was actually “singled out” by the New York Times “as one of the spoiled rich kids at Harvard and a possible member of Section X, a secret society of HBS students known for their decadent parties and travel”. It’s a good read, with insight on a very, very exclusive lifestyle and the privilege enjoyed by those fortuitous enough to have been born into it. The future wolves of Wall Street? This is how a grown man of 30 can still go by “Mikey”. And today he and his friends are still messaging back and forth, bragging about how Nelly and Taylor Swift were at his birthday party. As for Taylor, it’s now been a full week since she and [Tom Hiddleston] have been together. Which means it’s time for people to start wondering whether or not it’s over. If it’s not over she’ll let us know soon enough. If it is over, well, she’s hanging out with Richie Rich so… again… no one needs to worry about Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift will always be OK. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 4:12 PM [Gwyneth Paltrow’s pre-Olympic cupping] [Gwyneth Paltrow attends the 2016 Paddle & Party for Pink at Fairview Farm on Mecox Bay on August 6, 2016 in Bridgehampton, New York] On Saturday in Rio, American gymnast Alex Naddour competed in the team qualification with circular marks on his arms and back. Yesterday [Michael Phelps] competed in the men’s 4x100 freestyle relay with similar looking marks. Obviously, for me, this was the first person who came to mind: Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow was cupping over a decade before these Olympics? [#Olympics2016] [pic.twitter.com/FzkMLfIjxJ] — Elaine L. (@LaineyGossip) [August 8, 2016] It was 2004. G was at the Anchorman premiere in New York. And even then, well before Goop, well before she became a lifestyle brand and started recommending vaginal steams, well before the most decorated Olympian in history was doing it, G was showing us that she was doing it. After all, it’s not like she wouldn’t have had anything else to wear that day. That was 12 years ago, three Olympic Games ago, a month before Michael Phelps won his first Olympic medal in Athens. Something else for her to smug about. This weekend, G was in the Hamptons for a couple of parties. [Chris Martin] was around too. Last night, Coldplay performed a (not so) secret show at Stephen Talkhouse in Amagansett. [Beyoncé] and Jay Z showed up too: Beyoncé & Jay Z are attending [@coldplay]'s concert in The Hamptons tonight! [#ColdplaySXM] [pic.twitter.com/WIoJzzEgL9] — BEYONCÉ LEGION (@Bey_Legion) [August 7, 2016] So on top of the cupping boast G also hung out with Beysus this weekend. You mad? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:30 PM [Olympic Leslie] In case you hadn’t picked up it on over the last decade-plus (if you’ve been visiting this blog that long) or in the weeks leading up to the Games, I am an Olympic junkie. Yesterday I yelled at Duana – on her birthday! – over text because she messaged me during swimming primetime to tell me to turn to the rerun of the Teen Choice Awards to watch some kid play the piano. WTF????????? Anyway, all I did this weekend was mainline the Olympics. I am now obsessed with women’s rugby sevens. Like am seriously considering offering my water-girl services to the Canadian team because they are so f-cking Hard.Core, it would be an honour to hydrate them. I have four channels going at the same time. I have two phones and a tablet tapped into streaming updates. And the timing could not be better, since we’re on TV hiatus for the next two weeks. But as devoted as I am to the Olympics, this is nothing compared to [Leslie Jones]. [Leslie Jones’s Olympic Twitter] has been one of the most unexpected bonuses of these Games. Remember how amazing her Twitter was when she would [live-tweet Game Of Thrones]? Now extend that over a period of over 12 hours and even more Olympic events. If you’re f-cking around at work today, you should go back through her timeline and find the tweets where she’s yelling at the f-ckwits running after the cyclists during the road race. Or her tweets during water polo when she doesn’t understand what the hats are for. She is the BEST. Which is why NBC has invited her to come to Rio. [@jfb] [@shoemakermike] hmmmm don't play cause y'all need me! I would have the whole Olympics pumped!! — Leslie Jones (@Lesdoggg) [August 7, 2016] One of my favourite things that happens during every Olympics, winter or summer, is the NBC hate. Sorry, America, but your Olympic broadcaster is bullsh-t. And you don’t need me to itemise all the reasons why. The NBC hate always inevitably leads to comparisons between NBC and either the BBC in the UK or, closer to the US, the coverage in Canada on the CBC. During Sochi some Americans [tried to pay extra for a feed to the Canadian channels] and during the opening ceremony (it’s ONE ceremony, stop calling it the opening ceremonies!) this time, already people were bitching about [NBC’s one hour delay]. Most Canadians with a cable package have access to both the CBC for the Canadian broadcast and NBC for the American version so we can go back and forth for juxtaposition, which in and of itself can be pretty hilarious. Like last night Jacek and I watched the men’s 4x100 freestyle relay live on Canadian TV and then, after the Americans won, switched over the US feed to listen to how they called it. Rowdy Gaines sounded like he was about to fall out of the broadcast booth. It was AWESOME. And, to be honest, I wouldn’t have changed a single second of it. But before you Americans get mad at me, I’m not here to pick a fight. I’m here to tell you what you have that Canadians and British don’t: you all have Leslie Jones. Leslie Jones isn’t going to call any weightlifting events for Canada. She’s not going to provide live commentary during the repechage (if they can get those rowing events going) for the BBC. Please imagine Leslie Jones reporting during the repechage. RIGHT?!? She can and will, however, do it for her home broadcaster, NBC. And if that happens, NBC will be redeemed for at least the next 3 Olympics, at least. If NBC gives us a Leslie Jones Camera for the rest of these Games, NBC will be beyond reproach. PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 2:26 PM [Don’t blame the Third Best Joker] [Jared Leto steps out in London, August 4, 2016] As Sarah just wrote, Suicide Squad opened big this weekend [despite sh-tty reviews] but they’re already forecasting a possible 60% drop-off next weekend. Whoever you want to blame for that though, do not point the finger at [Jared Leto], the [Third Best Joker]. Because he’s not in it enough to shoulder that responsibility. That seems to be the message that Jared Leto, the Third Best Joker, is pushing. A lot of footage of the Third Best Joker did not make the final cut of the film. He’s just doing his job to sell the film, a film that might be better if there was more of him in it. Which he doesn’t say explicitly, but you get the idea. So, [when asked by NME] about the negative reception, Jared Jokersplained it like this: "I've heard that there's been a very mixed response. It's easy to hear that, but I haven't seen the film and I'm in the film so little that that really has not very much to do with me and what I'm doing now and talking and sharing the film." Well there’s a guy you want on your team, non? But this is a movie about a team of villains who never belonged on a team in the first place. Meta. And if I thought the Third Best Joker was capable of that kind of meta, I’d be impressed. (Thanks JJ!) Attached - Jared Leto out in London last week. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 2:01 PM [Suicide Squad and the Hollywood double standard] [Suicide Squad movie poster] Suicide Squad shattered the August box office records, raking in $135 million for the biggest August opening weekend, breaking Guardians of the Galaxy’s previous record of $94.1 million. (And oh, is everyone at Warner Brothers ecstatic to take down a Marvel record.) Box office numbers can mean anything you want them to mean, and devoid of any context, $135 million is a GREAT opening weekend—the X-Men would have killed for this number—and everyone likes the “record breaking” headlines. But when you start putting Suicide Squad into context, well, we’re basically in a repeat of what happened to Superhero Face Punch. Yes, the movie opened big. But the audience awarded it a B+ CinemaScore, which means a bunch of people didn’t like it. Remember, on the CinemaScore scale a C is basically an F, so anything in the B-range isn’t awesome. Other B+ movies include The Amazing Spider-Man 2—which was considered a failure and caused its studio, Sony, to push the panic button—and the other new movie this weekend, Nine Lives, which is quite possibly the worst movie I have EVER seen. And between the [dismal reviews] and unenthusiastic word of mouth, Suicide Squad is looking at a second week drop of 60% or more. That means that, just like Superhero Face Punch, Suicide Squad is going to have to work very hard to meet even the bare minimum of expectations. And those expectations are made of lies, because—just like Superhero Face Punch!—the expenses for Suicide Squad are WAY under-reported. On the record it cost $175 million to make, which is HILARIOUS—it’s closer to $250 million than anyone at Warners wants to admit—and the marketing spend was insane. Warners says they’ll be happy with anything in the $750-800 million range, but if Suicide Squad hits the high end of the second week drop estimate (65%), and given that China passed on releasing this movie, they’ll struggle to get to even that baseline $750 million. Suicide Squad is repeating the problem Superhero Face Punch had—curiosity got everyone out on opening weekend, but no one really liked what they saw. But it also bears a striking resemblance to another divisive movie this summer: Ghostbusters. The audiences went the same way on these two movies—both movies got B+ CinemaScores. Both movies rated higher among women and kids than men, with women, particularly, rating the movies favorably. And whatever face the studios put on it publicly, the theatrical returns are such that merchandising is the saving grace of both movies. But Ghostbusters has yet to get a sequel, while the future of Suicide Squad is assured. Like [Lainey wrote] last week, Suicide Squad will do well enough that Warners can at least put a good face on it for the public and go ahead with more Squad movies. But I do wonder about the fate of that Harley Quinn spin-off [Margot Robbie] previously got approved. Does Warners look at the audience demographics of Suicide Squad and see that diversity was their saving grace—black and Latino audiences drove the opening weekend box office, and women saved it from a lower audience approval rating—or do they look at the disappointed fanboys and think they need to cater to the people launching petitions complaining about critics? Female-led movies don’t get do-overs. Ghostbusters was culturally divisive and financially tepid. The IP is too valuable for Sony to let it sit on the shelf, but when they make the call for the next installment in the franchise, is it to give the ladies another go-round, or do they call Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill to make a bro version? Likewise, Warners will undoubtedly okay more Squad, but do they prioritize Robbie’s Harley movie? Or do they throw a bunch of money at Ben Affleck to get The Batman out of him faster? I’d like to think that Warners will look at the Suicide Squad numbers as a sign of underserved audiences hungry for more, but I’m afraid all they’ll see is evidence of what happens when they don’t cater to boys. [Source] [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 1:32 PM [August 8, 2016 – Smutty Shout-Outs] [Max] On the Chinese calendar, today, 8-8, is considered the luckiest day of the year. Maybe some of this luck will touch Max the German Shepherd. Max is 18. 18!!! And two weeks ago his f-cking asshole owners just left him at a kill shelter where he’s quickly understanding that no one wants him. Please [click here] if you know anyone who can help Max. At his age, there’s not a lot of time. Hopefully, with a little 8-8 luck, the last of his days will be loving ones. 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