Newsletter Friday, February 09, 2018

[LaineyGossip.com - Calling all smuthounds!] Friday, February 09, 2018 [Intro for February 9, 2018]( [Flag bearers Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir of Canada lead their team during the Opening Ceremony of the PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympic Games at PyeongChang Olympic Stadium on February 9, 2018 in Pyeongchang-gun, South Korea](Dear Gossips, The Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony happened tonight in Pyeongchang. The flagbearers for Canada were Olympic and world champions Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, [the first time]( both a woman and a man carried Canada’s flag together into the Olympics. Did you watch figure skating last night? There’s figure skating on TV every night for the next week. I don’t think I’m going to get anything done. Tessa, by the way, was born under the sign of the Snake. Scott is a Rabbit, which is the sign of the Chinese zodiac that is in the spotlight today. And the Rabbit happens to be the luckiest of all 12 signs during the Year of the Dog. The two best lucky stars are shining on the Rabbit this year. Rabbits may meet resistance but these stars will help ride you through. That said, over confidence could be your downfall. Rabbits are advised not to get too comfortable. Luck likes to be appreciated. 1951 Wood Rabbit – comfort is key this year. Enjoy the comfort if and when it’s available. 1963 Metal Rabbit – good career opportunities are available for Rabbits born this year. 1975 Water Rabbit – the luckiest of all Rabbits this year. But temptations surround you because of it. People will be attracted to you, everyone will want to be close to you. Do not allow yourself to be too flattered and become lazy. Maintain your integrity. One lapse and your luck could disappear. 1987 Fire Rabbit – there may be distractions for Rabbits born this year. (This would be Scott Moir.) Stay focused and rest. Fire meets fire. So you must be careful you don’t burn up and out. 1999 Earth Rabbit – you could see excellent results in your studies this year. You know who’s a rabbit born this year? My current figure skating obsession, Nathan Chen, one of the favourites to win the gold medal. He didn’t look great last night in the team skate. But the men’s short program happens next Friday, Lunar New Year. Keep an eye on that. Rabbits who were not born in winter this year should hydrate, lots of water, lots of fruits and veg. If you can, stay out of the heat. All Rabbits are advised to get a checkup, full physical, between May 5 and June 5. In July and August, drink water, stay cool. Do not overindulge. Rabbits may want to seek advice and opinions before making major decisions this year, especially financial ones. And try not to be too flashy. Celebrate within reason. And a note for everyone else, Rabbit or otherwise: this is the final weekend before Lunar New Year next Friday, February 16th. It’s time to get rid of last year and clear the path for the luck of the new year. It’s a good time to purge. Jacek and I are spending all of Saturday purging all the sh-t we don’t need in the kitchen. I’m going to try to organise my closet. Before Friday, make sure the house is clean. And do the hard jobs – behind the stove and the fridge, along the baseboards, don’t forget about the car! Clean the car! Good luck avoids a mess, there’s nowhere for it to go. On Monday it’s the Ox’s turn. Have a great weekend! Yours in gossip, Lainey [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 2:02 PM [Chris Pine on TV]( [Chris Pine on the set of One Day She'll Darken in LA, February 8, 2018](Here’s Chris Pine in LA yesterday on the set of One Day She’ll Darken, an upcoming 6 episode series on TNT that he’s also executive producing with Patty Jenkins who is directing at least the first two episodes. As you know, Chris and Patty worked together on Wonder Woman. So this is how they’re continuing their partnership, especially since he’s probably not going to be in Wonder Woman 2. That’s not a spoiler, is it? Chris has been on a hot streak for the last two or three years or so though, non? Hell Or High Water was one of the best films of 2016. He surged up the Chris List last summer with Wonder Woman. Next month it’s A Wrinkle In Time and now this, One Day She’ll Darken, based on the true story of Fauna Hodel. Do you know this story? George Hodel was a big time Hollywood doctor, long suspected to have been Elizabeth Short’s (the Black Dahlia) killer. He was also acquitted in an incest trial. And then …his 16 year old daughter, Tamar, gave birth to a baby girl. This is clearly not a warm and fuzzy family drama. This Is Us does not live here. The baby girl had blue eyes and white skin. But Tamar kept claiming that the father of her child was black. Her mother, unwilling to welcome a mixed-race child in the family, ended up giving the baby, Fauna, to Jimmie Lee, a black woman working in housekeeping at a casino in Nevada. Jimmie Lee and Fauna struggled. Here’s Jimmie, suddenly having to raise a white baby in a black community, and resources and opportunities were understandably scarce. When Fauna grew up, she wanted to know the circumstances around her birth. And from there, [as she wrote in her book](, she began to uncover all the grossness of her biological family’s past. It’s a f-cking crazy true story. And [Chris Pine]( is part of the production team making it happen, with a diverse cast and a world class filmmaker who directed him in the most successful female superhero blockbuster of all time. Chris Pine has apparently been quietly and strategically showing his work. This is when Kathleen bursts into the room, steps in front of the camera and says, “I told you”. [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 8:52 PM [Domhnall Gleeson, Internet Boyfriend 2018]( [Rose Byrne, Domhnall Gleeson, Elizabeth Debicki, Will Gluck at the LA premiere of Peter Rabbit, February 3, 2018](The Peter Rabbit screening I attended was on a Saturday morning, when I would otherwise be asleep. The movie theater was crawling with children. They handed out paper bunny ears at the door. THERE WAS FACE PAINTING. What I’m saying is, the environment was not conducive to encouraging my better angels. And then the movie started and…I could not stop laughing. The trailers have been atrocious, but—hear me out—Peter Rabbit is good. Like, actually, really good. Is it [Paddington 2 good](? No, it’s not quite THAT good. But Peter Rabbit is really funny. It’s SUPER CUTE, with something for everyone without feeling like it’s trying to please everyone, and, here’s the kicker, it’s a STEALTH ROM-COM. James Corden voices Peter Rabbit, whose running feud with Old Mr. McGregor (Sam Neill) ends when McGregor croaks during one of their fights. Beatrix Potter purists might be annoyed at the turn, but there is an exposition dump about Peter’s (violent) history with Mr. McGregor done in the classic Potter style, which should soothe sore tempers. And any remaining annoyance is then erased because this is when Domhnall Gleeson shows up as “the new McGregor”, shoulders this movie, and CARRIES IT ACROSS THE FINISH LINE LIKE A CHAMP. Domhnall Gleeson is the first, second, and last reason to see Peter Rabbit. Sure, the animals are cute and the voice work is generally good (the trio of Margot Robbie, Elizabeth Debicki—did you know she is six-two?—and Daisy Ridley voice Peter’s younger sisters, Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail). But Domhnall Gleeson, it turns out, has the comedy gene. It's not even really a secret, like it was with Chris Hemsworth. Gleeson was on a sketch comedy show in Ireland years ago, so they’ve known about his funny for a solid decade and never clued the rest of us in (STOP BEING SELFISH, IRELAND). But if you fall down the YouTube hole of Domhnall Gleesons’s Irish sketch comedy show—and you REALLY should—you will see that we have been missing out on so much Gleeson goodness (see also: [this]( and [this](. He’s HILARIOUS. And that is what Peter Rabbit is using, getting not only an A+ physical performance out of him—reacting to nothing, it’s really impressive—but also leaning on his knack for killer line readings. Unfortunately, he’s not in his native Irish accent (#freetheaccent2018), but his English accent is funnier (see also: General Hux), and his sneering line readings are golden. The new McGregor is not an irascible old farmer annoyed with Peter and his friends tearing up his garden, he’s a control freak who can’t handle the disorder and dirt of nature, as represented by Peter. And between them is Bea—an obvious Beatrix Potter stand-in—played by Rose Byrne, who does not have nearly enough to do but makes the most of what she’s got. Bea loves Peter and all the local wildlife, and believes that humans are just sharing nature with animals. She wants the new McGregor to leave his garden gates open. But the animals ruin the garden and track dirt everywhere, so that is not going to happen. And thus Peter and the new McGregor are embroiled in war. But really, what’s happening is that the new McGregor is falling for Bea, and as they grow closer, Peter becomes more and more unhinged, threatened by, essentially, the potential step-father wooing his surrogate mother—after the death of his parents, Bea took care of Peter and his siblings, and he resents the new McGregor for coming between him and Bea. Their feud is less about the garden and more about the sometimes painful acclimation faced by blended families. There’s a nice little lesson about the infinite nature of love tucked into Peter Rabbit. But mostly it’s Home Alone but in a garden with talking animals. If you’ve got to take the tots to the theater, see Paddington 2 while you can. That’s the top shelf stuff. But if that’s not available, move down one shelf to Peter Rabbit. It’s adorable, it’s not painful to sit through, and Domhnall Gleeson is really, really great. In fact, he’s so great he should be Internet Boyfriend 2018 (I have the campaign [all worked out](). Peter Rabbit is well written—courtesy Rob Lieber and director Will Gluck—and has a lot of pretty great jokes, and one KILLER gag involving Bananagrams. It would be a decent movie with anyone starring in it. But with Domhnall Gleeson, Actual Funny Person, it rises to being one of the funniest kids’ movies in recent memory. [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 8:25 PM [Smutty Social Media, February 9, 2018]( [Justin Theroux attends the Adam Selman front row during New York Fashion Week: The Shows at Gallery I at Spring Studios on February 8, 2018 in New York City](Beyoncé was the first non-model to cover the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. I know in her long list of accomplishments this might not seem like a big deal, but what’s most interesting to me is how far her media strategy has evolved in the last few years. [A post shared by Brooklyn Decker (@brooklyndecker)]( on Feb 9, 2018 at 6:21am PST The Four has crowned a winner – has anyone watched this show? The trophy looks like something you’d get at a marketing awards banquet. [A post shared by Diddy (@diddy)]( on Feb 8, 2018 at 7:30pm PST Aaron and Lauren Paul’s baby has arrived and she is adorable! So much hair! And her face isn’t squished. Sometimes babies look like grumpy old men when they come out. As Lainey mentioned yesterday, Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux’s home was featured in [Architectural Digest](. Justin was in some of the photos, but he has yet to post it on Instagram. Lainey wondered why Jennifer chose to feature her house and I did a little digging to find [an old article on her](. It was 2010, pre-Justin, and that house was called Ohana. (She sold it a little more than [a year later](.) [A post shared by @justintheroux]( on Feb 8, 2018 at 7:14pm PST It took me a minute but when I got it, I screamed. "I knew your dad." [pic.twitter.com/7xW18LJ6BF]( — Bryan Fuller (@BryanFuller) [February 8, 2018]( Liam hosting the Brits would be a dream come true (for me). So the Brit awards have ballooned it again as you were LG x — Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) [February 9, 2018]( All I wanted to do was play LIVE but there too scared too cosy the cheeky cunts asked me if I wanted to host it are they having a laugh LG x — Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) [February 9, 2018]( [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 6:35 PM [Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s range]( [Gugu Mbatha-Raw attends the 'Irreplaceable You' New York screening at Metrograph on February 8, 2018 in New York City](Gugu Mbatha-Raw is an LG favourite. We’ve been writing about how much we love her for years. For years, she’s been putting in the work. After Belle and Beyond The Lights, two excellent films that should have propelled her into superstardom, I’ve been waiting for Gugu to blow up. I’ve been waiting for her to cover Vogue or land a massive blockbuster and become a household name. The thing is, she has been in some huge films – Beauty and the Beast, Concussion and most recently, The Cloverfield Paradox. She starred in everyone’s favourite episode of Black Mirror and she’s about to play Dr. Kate Murry in A Wrinkle in Time. Based on that resume, she should be a legit star by now, right? The Cloverfield Paradox was a disappointment unworthy of [Gugu Mbatha-Raw](’s talent according to [Sarah’s review](. As for her other films, she’s always paired with bigger celebrities. I still think Gugu should have played Belle in Beauty and the Beast but alas, that was Emma Watson’s vehicle (Gugu can sing circles around Emma, come at me.) For Concussion, it was all about Will Smith. Maybe Black Mirror and Doctor Who are too British to make you a star across the pond. She’s also a staple in ensemble films. A Wrinkle In Time’s cast is stacked and it was [just announced](NAME}-motherless-brooklyn-1202278568/) that Gugu is in the upcoming Ed Norton-directed Motherless Brooklyn starring Bruce Willis, Alec {NAME}, Leslie Mann and Michael K. Williams, just to name a few. No matter how great she is in either of these movies, Gugu probably won’t get the praise. She’ll continue to fly under the radar casually as one of the best actresses of her generation. The most impressive thing about Gugu’s talent is her range. What I loved about her in Belle and Beyond the Lights is that she proved she can be an enthralling romantic lead. She’s coming off a sci-fi horror film with Cloverfield Paradox and now, I just want to watch Gugu fall in love. Enter the Netflix original, Irreplaceable You. Gugu has been busy. Two days after Valentine’s Day, Netflix will drop this dark romantic dramedy about two madly in love elementary school sweethearts who find out one of them is dying. This movie is the kind of content I live for. Give me a Netflix romance and some Kleenex any day. If you’ve read basically anything I’ve ever written, you know I have a crying problem. When it comes to a movie like this, it’s not a question of *if* I’m going to cry, it’s *how much?* Lainey sent me the trailer for Irreplaceable You on a Saturday morning and I couldn’t get out of bed for 40 minutes. I was destroyed. Another sign this film is going to be good: it was [directed and written by women]( (Stephanie Lang and Bess Wohl, respectively). Irreplaceable You also stars Michiel Huisman, who you may recognize as Khaleesi’s ex on Game of Thrones, Sarah’s baby daddy on Orphan Black or from The Age of Adaline, the cheesiest romance of the decade/ the only Blake Lively standalone film (not including the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants franchise) I can tolerate. He’s looks a lot better with longer hair and a beard but he’s still adorable in this. Christopher Walken, Kate McKinnon, and Steve Coogan round out the cast. It’s a great cast but unlike the movies I mentioned above, there’s no one here who is going to steal Gugu’s shine. This is definitively her movie. I just wish it was coming out on Valentine’s Day (instead of the same day as Black Panther) and that, for the sake of everyone finally putting respect on Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s name, that it wasn’t a Netflix only release. We’ve seen how Netflix releases can get buried and I would’ve loved for this film to beat 50 Shades Freed at the Valentine’s box office. We’ll have to settle for watching Gugu Mbatha-Raw slay another role while the world continues to take her for granted. Here’s Gugu Mbatha-Raw at the Irreplaceable You premiere in NYC. [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 5:36 PM [Joaquin Phoenix: from Strange to Joker?]( [Joaquin Phoenix has lunch at Little Dom's in LA, February 8, 2018](Joaquin Phoenix was making headlines all over the place yesterday because of [reports]( that he could be the Joker in a new standalone movie. Sarah is our resident comic nerd so I asked her if we needed to talk about this. It’s very confusing. Jared Leto is still the Joker but there’s going to be another Joker and both will co-exist but have nothing to do with each other? Her response was to say that we should only care about this when it’s confirmed because nothing’s been confirmed. Todd Phillips is writing and directing the movie and all we know for sure is that Joaquin was his first choice. Todd Phillips, by the way, is the man who gave us The Hangover. Again, this is all very confusing. So while, as Sarah has advised, there really isn’t anything to say about the Joker yet, let’s take away it away from the Joker and focus on Joaquin. A couple points of interest here: first, when they were casting for Doctor Strange, he was apparently the frontrunner and they were close to signing him until he supposedly backed out. Here’s what he said in an interview with [Time Out London]( in 2015 about that decision: “When I was younger I was probably a bit of a snob about (being in a superhero blockbuster). But they’ve gotten better. I’ve flirted with several of those films, having meetings and getting close, but ultimately it never felt like they’d really be fulfilling. There were too many requirements that went against my instincts for character. I’ve been spoiled. I’ve never had to make those compromises.” Phoenix went on to clarify that he’s not intentionally trying to be difficult, despite what filmmakers think. “I’m just trying to find what works for me,” he said. “I don’t want to commit to something and not fulfill those obligations. I enjoy watching those movies. Did you see the rebooted Star Trek? That kid Chris Pine who plays Kirk is f—ing genius. I just don’t know if I want to have the experience of being in them. I’ve read some of those scripts and 75 percent is a description of some asteroid going through space.” An update on the Best Chris Debate: [Joaquin Phoenix]( would vote for Chris Pine. As for his thoughts on the superhero thing, that is so on brand for Joaquin Phoenix. Think about everything that goes into becoming a superhero. All the marketing. All the messaging. All the action figures! Can you imagine Joaquin Phoenix having to endure that? So… why would he want to be the Joker? Maybe it’s the word “superhero”. And the word “hero” that’s part of the superhero. Knowing what we know of Joaquin, it’s probably a word he avoids. The Joker, however, is antihero. And that’s an entirely different kind of hero, the kind of hero and character that Joaquin has typically been more drawn to throughout his career. Still, even if the Joker’s an antihero, there would be a big budget money machine behind him. Big money machines don’t look any different whether they’re funding superheroes or antiheroes, good guys or villains. It’s all the same game. And yet, there could be another connection, and emotional one. Joaquin was friends with Heath Ledger whose performance of the Joker in The Dark Knight has become the definitive version …which you’d think would be a reason for Joaquin NOT to do it? But if he is doing it, what are the layers involved there? One of my favourite Sarah jokes forever is when she called [Jared Leto]( the [Third Best Joker](. Already Joaquin might be a better Joker than Jared. And we don’t even know if he’s actually going to be the Joker. Here’s Joaquin out in Hollywood yesterday. Which of course is when everyone was wondering whether or not he’ll be the Joker. Joaquin isn’t usually on the pap route. Coincidence or conspiracy? [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 4:51 PM [Quentin Tarantino apology tour]( [Quentin Tarantino](At the beginning of the week, [we heard from Uma Thurman]( about her history of abuse by Harvey Weinstein and, let’s say, reckless endangerment from Quentin Tarantino. It was a perfect combination of a serial predator and tyrannical director combining forces to make sure no part of a woman’s life was safe, and that she was betrayed in every possible way. In the aftermath, people were, quite understandably, upset with Tarantino, so he had to issue his second apology of the Hollywood Sex Pest Fumigation. The [first]( came in the wake of the initial Weinstein revelations, when everyone was assessing who knew what, and when. Tarantino copped to knowing at least some of what Weinstein was like behind closed doors, and not doing anything about it. He seemed sincere, though the weight of his apology rested on his follow-through, and we still don’t know what he’s doing to make the industry a safer place for women, except apologize again. His second apology is specifically about Uma Thurman, and came in the form of a [fairly gross interview]( with Mike Fleming of Deadline. It opens with Fleming writing, “I offered Tarantino the opportunity to clarify because at this moment, stories get written and then picked up across the globe, often getting twisted to suit convenient narratives in this #MeToo moment.” So this is obviously very garbage, and Fleming’s tone throughout is that of the noble defender of a Great Man under fire from a bunch of hairy-legged Feminazis. Everyone is using criticism of Maureen Dowd and how she wrote up her interview with Thurman to discredit Thurman’s story—Tarantino relays he expected Dowd to call him for comments but she never did, tacitly blaming her for the fact that people are, understandably, upset—but no one is criticizing how Fleming’s gross tone makes Tarantino look worse by association. Tarantino owns endangering Thurman on the set of Kill Bill. He drove the car one way to see what road conditions she would deal with, but when they decided to change the shot, he didn’t test it the other way, so he didn’t realize she would be dealing with a curve in the road. He even explains spitting on her as distrust of Michael Madsen, who he didn’t believe would spit right and they would have to do a bunch of takes, instead of just a couple with him doing it. Tarantino says these things like they absolve him of ill intent, but a tyrannical director is not necessarily out to hurt anyone. A tyrannical director just believes their shot is more important than the person in the shot, and nothing Tarantino says dispels the notion he put getting his Perfect Shot over Uma Thurman’s safety. He’s sorry she was hurt, he blames himself for cutting corners, but he’s secretly a hero because he found the crash footage and gave it to her. But wait, we’re not done yet! Jezebel unearthed a [2003 Howard Stern interview]( in which Tarantino says some truly terrible things about Samantha Geimer, whom he dubbed a “party girl”, and was thirteen when raped by Roman Polanski. He says, “He didn’t rape a 13-year-old. It was statutory rape...he had sex with a minor. That’s not rape. To me, when you use the word rape, you’re talking about violent, throwing them down—it’s like one of the most violent crimes in the world.” Okay one, gross. And two, GROSS. This is awful, although Tarantino is hardly the only person to take this tack when defending Polanski. Which doesn’t make it okay, but it does make him a cliché. For her part, [Geimer responded](, “I’m not upset, but I would probably feel better if he realizes now that he was wrong, after 15 years, after hearing the facts.” Which brings us to [Quentin Tarantino](’s THIRD apology. This time, he went to Indiewire to issue his statement: “I want to publicly apologize to Samantha Geimer for my cavalier remarks on “The Howard Stern Show” speculating about her and the crime that was committed against her. Fifteen years later, I realize how wrong I was. Ms. Geimer WAS raped by Roman Polanski. When Howard brought up Polanski, I incorrectly played devil’s advocate in the debate for the sake of being provocative. I didn’t take Ms. Geimer’s feelings into consideration and for that I am truly sorry. So, Ms. Geimer, I was ignorant, and insensitive, and above all, incorrect. I am sorry Samantha.” Quentin Tarantino is a great writer. He knows how to make words sound good. But this is the THIRD time he has had to apologize for, let’s call it consistently troubling interactions with women. To be fair, not everyone is troubled. Diane Kruger says her experience with Tarantino was “[pure joy]( and she has no bad feelings about him choking her on Inglorious Basterds, but that doesn’t invalidate Thurman’s anger. And thanks to that resurfaced Howard Stern interview, we have gone past the realm of the tyrannical director and are now solidly in the territory of just a gross dude. He’s not in trouble for assaulting anyone, but this week Tarantino has become the poster boy for the kind of complacent, complicit, smug dude who is just as harmful in his own way. And this time, his words are not enough. He’s telling us he’s a different man today than he was fifteen years ago when he said such awful things about Samantha Geimer, and he wants us to believe he is no longer that man, and that he regrets ever being him. And he wasn’t on Uma Thurman’s side back then, but he is now, and if only Maureen Dowd had called him, he would have explained that. But we’re way past the point of explanations. Tarantino can apologize all day every day—and he basically has this week—but what really matters are his actions. He was part of a system that enabled a predator for years, and his own questionable behavior has been tolerated under the umbrella of “genius”. He’s apologized for these things, but I’m still not seeing any tangible follow-through to make his sets in particular and his industry at large a better place for women. [Source]( [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 4:26 PM [Black Panther style porn takes over London]( [Danai Gurira attends the European Premiere of 'Black Panther' at Eventim Apollo on February 8, 2018 in London, England](Sarah just posted her review of [Fifty Shades Freed]( and the movie should win the box office this weekend with a projected take of [$33 million](. It’s been a successful franchise, for sure, but it’s also a steadily declining franchise, like the NFL and Justin Timberlake. When the first movie opened, you could not get away from the hype. The opening weekend box office for Fifty Shades Of Grey was $85 million. But then the second movie opened with just over half of that at $46 million. And now the third is coming in with even less. Which totally makes sense. Because I’m not sure anyone’s been paying attention. I almost forgot that Fifty Shades Freed was happening this weekend until Sarah’s post. Why? Because everyone cares about another movie, the one that’s coming out next week: Black Panther. There are so many articles that I’ve banked about Black Panther that I can’t wait to read until I see it. The only ones I’ve read are Kathleen’s. There are two reasons for this. The first is that I want to go in as fresh as possible. The second is that, afterwards, I want to prolong the experience with all the deep-dives and the thinkpieces that have already been published and all the ones to come. Not unlike the way it was when Beyoncé released Lemonade. For now then…let’s enjoy the photos. And the style porn. The Black Panther European premiere was last night in London. Can we start with [Danai Gurira](? Because this dress, holy sh-t motherf-cker (Quincy Jones’s favourite word). It’s Jean Louis Sabaji. And it’s a design that feels like it’s taking place in real time. Doesn’t it look like those feathers are spreading across her body right now? As you’re looking at it? Kind of like the way Mystique’s body transforms in X-Men? For [Lupita](, it was all about the hair. Am obsessed with this hairstyle. This hairstyle is the outfit. I mean, sure, she’s wearing the sh-t out of that dress but it really wouldn’t matter even if she wasn’t. The hair is the soul of the look. The soul of all of Kathleen’s desires is [Michael B Jordan](. And, well, MBJ in a three quarter length jacket …what is there to complain about? Also, for all of us, here’s a shot of MBJ and Lupita looking at each other adoringly. If you would like to write some horny fan fiction about these two, I would read it: If you would like to write some horny fan fiction about [Chadwick Boseman](, I would read that too. I might read that first. This JACKET. Chadwick is 41 years old. He is not married. He had a girlfriend six months ago but I can’t get an update on that, or maybe I just haven’t been looking hard enough because it doesn’t serve my purposes. What I’m trying to say is that even though it’s none of my goddamn business I would like to have a say in this. Also attached – Letitia Wright, who everyone says will be the major breakout from Black Panther. When Letitia smiles, she reminds me of Kathleen. I told Kathleen this yesterday and she almost cried. She is either crying or almost crying any time we talk about Black Panther these days. She also wanted me to shout out Michaela Coel, the creator and writer of Chewing Gum. If you haven’t already, WATCH CHEWING GUM. It’s on Netflix. Duana yells at me a lot to catch up on whatever show it is it that she’s up on and to finally finish Gilmore Girls. Chewing Gum is one of the reasons I never do what she tells me to. And I’m not sorry. Finally… we need to talk about this photo that Lupita posted on Instagram the other day: [A post shared by Lupita Nyong'o (@lupitanyongo)]( on Feb 7, 2018 at 9:40am PST A Black Panther airplane slumber party. Excuse me. But how did those pyjamas happen? Who organised it? One week to Black Panther. Be ready! [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 3:38 PM [Embarrassed Mannequins in Fifty Shades Freed]( [Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson attend 'Fifty Shades Freed - 50 Nuances Plus Claires' Premiere at Salle Pleyel on February 6, 2018 in Paris, France](Fifty Shades Freed is the final movie in the Fifty Shades trilogy, and the tone of this movie is “palpable relief”. The whole movie has the energy of the last day of school, teetering between the monotony of just going through the motions and the anxiety of almost, finally, being completely done. Everyone looks embarrassed to be here—except Rita Ora, bless her heart—and the acting is on par with people forced into witness protection. At least Rita Ora is 100% glad to be here, and if everyone had her energy, maybe the movie would actually feel like a movie, and not a series of commercials intercutting the most chemistry-deprived soap opera in history. Freed picks up with the wedding of kinky billionaire Christian Grey ([Jamie Dornan]() and mousy-but-also-secretly-a-sexpot Anastasia Steele ([Dakota Johnson](). Everyone acts like Christian Grey is a real person and not a life-sized cologne ad, and everyone says her name like they can’t quite remember it: “Ana…sta...sia?” After a wedding montage straight out of Brides magazine, Christian and Ana jet off to Paris for their honeymoon. Dornan and Johnson make great travel ad pitch-people, and they smile their way through a montage of jaunty activities around Paris. That’s right, this movie starts with two montages! But then the first of several plots kicks in and Dornan and Johnson visibly deflate when they have to start dialogue scenes. One of the (many) plots of Freed is that Ana’s creepy former boss, Jack (Eric Johnson, looking trapped), is stalking Ana and trying to blow up Christian’s mainframe or something. It’s supposed to be suspenseful, maybe? Except we know who the antagonist is from the beginning, and none of his plans work so there’s no drama. Also, every ten minutes there’s a commercial for Audi roadsters or a travel ad for Aspen, Colorado, all shot like the commercial for a hotel that plays on that channel about the hotel. At least Freed finally embraces the lifestyle porn inherent in a Cinderella story, but man, there is no narrative momentum in this movie. There is, however, the WEIRDEST INSULT maybe in all of history. In what would be a subplot in any other movie but is just an interstitial between car ads in Freed, Christian and Ana are renovating an old house on a lake (their castle, get it?). Their architect is Gia Matteo (Arielle Kebbel), whose totally normal-sized boobs are an object of much discussion and debate among Christian and Ana’s social circle, and who openly hits on Christian in front of Ana. Putting Gia in her place, Ana sneers, “You can climb in your SH*T-COLORED CAR and drive back to Seattle!” This masterpiece burn must be a cut line from the homewrecker anthem Jolene: Climb in your SH*T-COLORED CAR/Drive back to Seattle, Jolene. And just when you think Fifty Shades Freed can’t get any weirder (SH*T-COLORED CAR), there is a KIDNAPPING. Jack kidnaps Mia (Rita Ora, excited to be in plot) and Ana must race to save her, which she does with zero problem. She even shoots Jack, which she and Christian laugh about later. I shot that guy! So funny! We’re billionaires! Look, Freed really could have done something with a stalking subplot, but this movie has no interest in sustained storytelling, or even just storytelling, period. At least in Freed everyone has given up the pretension of making a classy erotic drama and just commits fully to lifestyle porn and the porn-porn. Easily 70% of Freed is either porny shots of luxury real estate or sex scenes. Speaking of which, for a movie about kinky sex, Christian and Ana almost always end up doing it missionary. They are the most weirdly boring kinky couple in history. There’s another subplot—to quote Duana, this movie is nothing but subplots—about Ana being pregnant and Christian being like, “You’re going to love this baby more than me!” and then Ana is all, “Well with that attitude, yeah.” Like every other subplot, this one is easily resolved within ten minutes of being introduced. Fifty Shades Freed is a total mess but thanks to its insane dialogue (SH*T-COLORED CAR) and ever-changing plot, it’s also the most fun Fifty Shades movie, in that good-bad way that begs for drunk-watching and yelling at the screen. [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 2:48 PM [February 9, 2018 – Smutty Shout-Outs]( [Pimple popping toy](Shanna! Happy wedding weekend! And, girl, THANK YOU SO MUCH for giving me all those details about your cyst removal. I am so proud of you for taking them up your offer to look at it after it was removed. How did you “play” with it? What kind of sh-t can you do with it? Also, have you heard about the new [pimple-popping toy](?!? I need one. Wishing you only non-gross wishes tomorrow! Congratulations! [Click here for the rest of the photos.]( Posted at 2:20 PM [Privacy Policy]( - [Unsubscribe](