Newsletter Monday, April 04, 2016

[LaineyGossip.com - Calling all smuthounds!] Monday, April 04, 2016 [Intro for April 4, 2016] [The Weeknd and Buffy St Marie attend the 2016 Juno Awards at Scotiabank Saddledome on April 3, 2016 in Calgary, Canada] Dear Gossips, The Weeknd was the big winner last night at the JUNO Awards in Calgary going 4/5, accepting one of those awards from Buffy Sainte-Marie, the coolest ever. No one is cooler than Buffy Sainte-Marie. No f-cking one. The Weeknd’s performance was also simulcast at the iHeartRadio Awards taking place at the same time in LA. And over in Vegas it was the Academy of Country Music Awards hosted by Luke Bryan and Dierks Bentley. Oh and the Olivier Awards went down in London too. So we’ll touch on highlights from all of that today. Unless, of course, Beyoncé. It’s April 4, 2016, not only Beyoncé and Jay Z’s wedding anniversary but, since they both love 4s, it’s 4-4 and 16 = 4x4. Or, you know, nothing. She might do nothing. She might just do nothing while watching us wait for nothing. Yours in gossip, Lainey [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 11:33 AM [The Heavenly Katherine Heigl] [Photos from Katherine Heigl's blog ] Late last week, Katherine Heigl officially launched her blog, [Those Heavenly Days]. I think at this point, it would be easier to keep track of actresses that don’t have a lifestyle side-job, like Jennifer Lawrence and Cate Blanchett. Beyond Goop, in the digital lifestyle world there’s Vanessa Hudgens, Vanessa Lachey, Lauren Conrad, Haylie Duff, Jamie Chung, Tori Spelling, Alicia Silverstone, Mayim Bialik, Camila Alves, Elizabeth Banks – and Draper James, ED by Ellen and The Honest Company all have blogging components, although they focus on e-commerce. Jessica Simpson has a vault of money procured from open-toe wedges. And let’s not forget the self-help authors -- Cameron Diaz, Miranda Kerr, and Lea Michele. Those Heavenly Days avoids the latest trends in lifestyle – e-commerce and “community building.” Community building is code for ambassadors and influencers, which is code for asking fancy friends to do things for you for free – it’s “squad”-ing on steroids. Those Heavenly Days is much more earnest: it is quite simply a blog about Katherine Heigl’s life on a Utah ranch and there is no obvious product placement or promise beyond what you read. The tone is conversational and casual -- think Martha Stewart meets Jennifer Garner meets a very intense mom from playgroup (some of the posts include Jams And Syrups And Fudge, Oh My! and Spring Has Sprung, The Grass Has Riz, I Wonder Where The Flowers Is). I’ve looked through hundreds of blogs just like this over the last 10 years (because although we think of blogging as “new”, we are just getting older), and many of them have a remarkably similar aesthetic (a pretty woman on a swing, in a white lace dress and Hunter boots, fresh cut flowers, mason jars of jam), and focus on home/hearth/harvest. I don’t doubt that Katherine knits and has an organic garden, but in the lifestyle realm of 2016, that is pretty basic. Those Heavenly Days doesn’t differentiate itself from every other regular-woman lifestyle blog, except that it has Katherine Heigl attached to it. One of the most enthusiastic posts is about Spaghetti Bolognese. Type “spaghetti Bolognese recipe” into Google and 395,000 links come up. I don’t know why out of all those choices – Mario Batali, Jamie Oliver, Ina Garten – I’m going with Katherine Heigl. While reading the posts, I kept going back to who her audience would be, who would turn to this blog over the thousands of other blogs and Pinterest boards with knitting and canning tips, and it would have to be enthusiastic Katherine Heigl fans. People who really love her, people who want her to succeed, people who think Shonda should have her back on Grey’s so they can say a proper goodbye to Izzie. It’s interesting because Katherine is in the sort of spot “[mocktresses]” try their mightiest to avoid. They attend parties and do product collaborations and wear really nice blazers to distract from the fact that they aren’t working. With Katherine, you can’t read even the friendliest article without the cloud of what coulda/woulda/shoulda been – her career mistakes are always front and center. This blog, with all of its time-consuming craftiness, is another reminder of far removed she is from making movies. Obviously, her professional life hasn’t panned out as she expected; she told [Marie Claire] as much in 2014, saying she felt her career “turned” on her. And I don’t know if there is any actor that has built such a public, on-the-record reputation for being difficult, so much so that the trades aren’t scared of her team. It’s open for discussion, ([click here] for a refresher) and so is her [mom’s management style]. She had to ask people for money [to finish a movie]. She is now the spokesperson of a [kitty litter brand], which Twitter had a field day with (especially considering she once tried to [sue Duane Reade for $6 million]). She has become the David Caruso of her rom-com generation. Six years on from her double flop year in 2010 (Life As We Know It and Killers), she is not back to where she started insomuch as doing what everyone else is doing: trying her hand at lifestyle, a move that keeps a name circulating. It’s not a terrible strategy as the press pertaining to celebrity lifestyle is mostly positive and friendly. Her name can now be slotted in with the rest of the crew – Gwyneth, Kate Hudson, Reese Witherspoon, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Nicole Richie, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson and Jessica Alba. It’s been a long time since Katherine had that kind of company. Lifestyle is competitive but also a level playing field. Someone like Lauren Conrad can have the same audience and the same influence as someone like Gwyneth Paltrow. A fashion darling like Blake can flop selling her aesthetic, and a pop culture punching bag like Jessica Simpson can build a billion dollar fashion brand. It’s the wild west, if the wild west had $100 spruce-scented candles and backyard pizza ovens. And if no one reads it, it’s not a public failure. She can simply stop posting. Back when Preserve closed, Lainey made a point that there are second, and third, and fourth chances for [women like this]. She needs to cross-promote her happy homemaker image with her upcoming [CBS drama, Doubt], so that every story reads “actress and country lifestyle guru Katherine Heigl”. (I imagine the people who would be super into Doubt may also be super into a menu comprised of apple-themed dishes.) While I don’t know if she has plans for world lifestyle domination, Those Heavenly Days isn’t a hokey online diary for her nearest and dearest, either – would she include a professional photoshoot with her family if that was the case? Of course she is hoping for more. And there’s room for it, because Katherine offers something none of the other women’s sites do: a bit of a redemption. She’s been painted as unlikable for almost as long as we’ve known her, and if she wants to turn that around (which I really think she does – people who rhyme headlines want to be liked), the blueprint has been laid out by the many who charmed before her. Treat magazine editors to some homemade jam, show up at a talk show with hand-knit scarves for the hosts, and stay as far away from “difficult” as possible. Kill them with quaintness. Write and use social media on a consistent basis, and keep the content timely and relevant to what is happening in the lifestyle world (which is completely removed from the real world). Unlike the slow build of many other celebrity entrepreneurs, she would be smart to do her work upfront now, when she has all these fresh readers and attention. She does not have the star power or brand to rely on “I’m Katherine Heigl and my interests are important because I’m famous” as a default narrative. We already have one of those and it’s called Goop. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 7:42 PM [Miranda’s good Tush] [Miranda Lambert accepts the Female Vocalist of the Year award onstage during the 51st Academy of Country Music Awards at MGM Grand Garden Arena on April 3, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada] Carrie Underwood was SO good performing last night at the ACMs. And so was [Miranda Lambert]. She’d just been named Female Vocalist of the Year and then she joined ZZ Top for their song Tush with Keith Urban. And even still, she was the main event. Because Miranda is a commanding entertainer. You cannot take your eyes off of her. Also because … didn’t she look like she was having the best time? There was a freedom to her last night that was compelling, irresistible, and really, really f-cking sexy. Think back to the last country music award show. In November. At the CMAs. Remember? Two hours before the event, [Blake Shelton] and [Gwen Stefani] confirmed they were dating. On that night, while accepting on that stage, Miranda seemed … Grateful? It was implied that she knew that we knew that it’d been rough. And that she was appreciative – relieved, even – that she’d still won something. But they’ve both moved on now. He was there last night without Gwen Stefani who’d spent the weekend in New York for Saturday Night Live. Miranda, however, came with her new boyfriend Anderson East. It’s their first red carpet together. Can we, for nostalgia’s sake, revisit Blake and Miranda at previous ACMs though? Because … [Embed from Getty Images] [Embed from Getty Images] [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 6:24 PM [Carrie’s stage personality] [Carrie Underwood performs during the 51st Academy of Country Music Awards at MGM Grand Garden Arena on April 3, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada] [Carrie Underwood]’s clothing choices last night at the ACMs weren’t the worst we’ve ever seen from her. And that’s not what stood out to me. Did you watch her performance? If you did, you know what I mean. If you didn’t, I hope you can find it somewhere because she killed it. So good. At one point she played the drums then tossed away her drumsticks and then transitioned smoothly, with attitude, back to the microphone and I was like, goddamn her stage personality is electrifying. Consistently electrifying. I rarely know what she’s singing. I’m not familiar with her music at all beyond the big, big hits. But it almost doesn’t matter because she’s so entertaining, she has such presence when she’s up there, which… well… It’s not exactly the presence she has off-stage. Off-stage it’s… well… dead eyes. There’s no life in them. Cold, standoffish, perfunctory, and hard to imagine it’s the same person. Maybe the way she is off-stage is how she summons her energy on-stage. Maybe she’s saving it all up for the song. Because whatever it is, it’s two completely different people. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:48 PM [Smutty Tingles] I might have to buy tickets to this. You’re thinking about it too, don’t lie ([Dlisted]) Scott Eastwood manages to keep up the douche-face even during a triathlon ([Just Jared]) Princess Catherine’s clothing budget on tour ([Cele|bitchy]) Christina Aguilera’s daughter all grown up ([TooFab]) The First Couple of Canadian Music at the JUNOs ([Pop Sugar]) Tyrion Lannister’s space pants ([The Superficial]) Jessica Simpson eats ass ([Hollywood Tuna]) Nicole Kidman’s beautiful dress and very tight face ([Go Fug Yourself]) The rainbow grill ([TMZ]) [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 5:06 PM [Benedict Cumberbatch IS Doctor Strange] [Benedict Cumberbatch and Chiwetel Ejiofor are seen on the set of 'Doctor Strange' on April 2, 2016 in New York City] Back in December we got our first look at [Benedict Cumberbatch] in costume as Stephen Strange for Doctor Strange. It was a [really good look]. And now, thanks to outdoors, on location filming in New York City over the weekend, we can see Cumberbatch and [Chiwetel Ejiofor] in full costume, and they look amazing. Cumberbatch, especially, looks EXACTLY like Strange. This is probably the most literal page-to-screen translation Marvel has done yet. It’s not just the costume—which is gorgeous—it’s the hair and the goatee and the scars on his hands and the angles of his face. Whatever you think of The Batch’s attractiveness, he’s a dead-ringer all done up as Strange. Ejiofor looks good, too. His face, especially, is amazing. He’s serving some excellent bitch face in these photos. I kind of wish his costume wasn’t green, simply because Loki has conditioned us to see characters who wear green a certain way. But that’s a minor quibble, because these costumes are just beautiful. [Here they are in action]—when you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way—which looks ridiculous out of context, but if the costumes look this good in real life, they’ll look f*cking AMAZING on screen. (Which maybe we’ll see soon, if a Doctor Strange teaser gets attached to Captain America: Civil War.) Now we know what Cumberbatch looks like in his full Strange glory. Can you imagine what Tilda Swinton looks like? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 4:47 PM [Drew Barrymore’s separation] [Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman] Last Wednesday I wrote about divorce lawyer Laura Wasser’s client list, and the heads up she gave us about celebrity splits in March. I noted that with the approach of April Fools’ on a Friday, that might be a strategic dump day for a separation. [Click here] for a refresher. On Friday afternoon, it was [Page Six] that first reported that [Drew] and husband Will Kopelman had broken up. She then followed with an [official confirmation]: "Sadly our family is separating legally, although we do not feel this takes away from us being a family. Divorce might make one feel like a failure, but eventually you start to find grace in the idea that life goes on. Our children are our universe, and we look forward to living the rest of our lives with them as the first priority." PEOPLE is reporting that one of the reasons it’s not working out is location. She wants to be in LA and he is based in New York. Since Page Six was first on the story though, it’s worth noting that their source mentioned a personality conflict: “Drew had a very rebellious and wild childhood, with no family around her, and while she is a very different person now, and a great mother, some of that can stay with you.” Now compare that with what she told InStyle last year: "Will struck a lot of my pragmatic sides. He was someone who was always reachable on the phone, someone who was a classy human being, someone who has this incredible blueprint of a family that I don't have." That’s interesting to me, pointing out that one of the reasons your husband is appealing is because he’s reachable on the phone. It’s the kind of attribute that only matters when you’ve had the opposite, you know? And you can probably read even more into the comment about the “blueprint of a family that I don’t have”. Because we all know about Drew’s childhood, her relationship to her mother, how that informed her childhood, her adolescence, and, perhaps, her entire life view. Was it a classic case of creating what she never had? Put another way, was it a classic case of pretending to fit into a life she always thought she wanted – only to realise that the best fit was not to jump from one end of the spectrum to the opposite but, maybe, to find somewhere in between? Fundamentally how realistic is it to completely rewrite who you are? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:52 PM [Justin Bieber new hair, old attitude?] [Justin Bieber at the iHeartRadio Music Awards on April 3, 2016 in Inglewood, California] [Justin Bieber] opened the iHeartRadio Music Awards in LA last night which is why he wasn’t in Canada at the JUNOs. But he won the Fan Choice Award at the JUNOs. So he sent a message. Of thanks? I’m not sure. Watch the video: What happens after that is that the audience booed him. It was audible. And… do you blame them? I can’t blame them. How is it a proper thank you when it happens during a workout? Oh, here I am with my boxing trainer… wait a second, let me just toss off this thing for the JUNOS because it means so little to me I can’t be bothered to set aside a dedicated block of time. And then as soon as it’s over, I’ll run away off camera to go back to what’s more important – messing around with my friends. It’s a throwaway. And many saw it as disrespectful. And I’m not sure I can argue with that. I mean a year ago, he was apologising up and down for being a sh-t. Then he’s forgiven and comes out with a great album and now… has he gone back to being a sh-t? Or is he just a sh-t to Canadians because sh-tting on us doesn’t carry much consequence? Like would he have done this for the Grammys? Or would he have taped a proper acceptance instead of sandwiching it in between punches? [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 3:18 PM [Superhero Face Punch is crashing] [Ben Affleck runs errands in Santa Monica, April 1, 2016] Batman v Superman is still making a ton of dough, crossing $680 million worldwide, but at the rate it’s dropping, it really might not break the much-needed $1 billion. Superhero Face Punch was expected to suffer a big drop in its second week in release, and it landed on the worst end of the estimate, losing 68% in week two. It’s the fifth-highest blockbuster crash, and this is just the estimate. The actuals could be even worse. And it’s not just North America—it plummeted 85% in China, the second-biggest box office in the world. So what does it mean? Well, for starters [Ben Affleck] is probably [still sad]. And it means that no matter what face they put on it publicly, Warner Brothers is in panic mode behind closed doors. They’re committed to Zack Snyder directing The Justice League Part One—it’ll start lensing this month—but I really, really won’t be surprised to see a new director come in for Part Two. I also won’t be surprised if Part Two, currently slated for 2019, ends up getting pushed back to make room for a solo Batfleck movie. People want to see that movie, and at certain point it’s idiotic to hold it back. I also think the tone will be shifting for the entire franchise. For years they’ve marketed Superhero Face Punch as the grown up, serious alternative to Marvel, but I think the main difference between the two franchises will end up being nothing more than color palette. Everyone turned up to see Superhero Face Punch, and their response was, “No thank you.” WB/DC will have to shift gears to keep pace with Marvel. It bears repeating—they’re spending WAY too much money to make movies for a niche audience. They HAVE to appeal to the masses. To that end, they’re throwing tens of additional millions at Suicide Squad to rejig the tone to be more consistent with the trailers, which have gotten a positive response. Birth.Movies.Death [is reporting] that that movie is undergoing extensive reshoots right now to increase the fun factor. This will probably be a good thing—although it completely kills the “people want serious superheroes, not just jokey Marvel ones” argument. But the increased spending means that Suicide Squad could well end up in the same hole as Superhero Face Punch—spent too much to actually make money. Warners has a money problem, and wild superhero spending isn’t going to help. But for the long-term, it’s essential. At some point, no matter the cost, they have to produce a DC movie people actually like. [Source] Attached - Ben Affleck out in Santa Monica on Friday. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 2:37 PM [Alessia Cara’s first] [Alessia Cara performs at the 2016 Juno Awards at Scotiabank Saddledome on April 3, 2016 in Calgary, Canada] [Alessia Cara] opened the JUNO Awards in Calgary last night. I’ve attached video below of what it sounded like not from the television broadcast but in the arena, her pure voice, live, and killing it. Impressive, right? SO impressive that by the time she won for Breakthrough Artist there was no doubt about it. When she went up on stage to collect her award though, she mentioned that it was her first ever acceptance speech. The charm in that comment, non? They’re saying for her that this is just the beginning. Here was a “sleeper” hit going double platinum in the United States. Two years ago she was posting videos on YouTube. And she’s still just 19 years old. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 2:14 PM [The Dangers of ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ Posters] [Girls Season 5 Episode 7] Girls Season 5 Episode 7 recap God, I love Ray so much. Do you think that he has a mansplaining monologue about the dangers of mansplaining? Because I know he does, and I really want to hear it. I will listen to him Deep Internet any day. Even though he says things like ‘you deal with this one’. Hannah doesn’t even react to that comment, and you might assume that’s because she doesn’t hear it, or because she agrees she needs to be ‘dealt with’. But I don’t think I agree. Half of what makes her so strident about showing her ‘vagina’ (come on, Hannah, that was your mons pubis and vulva, I expect more verbal accuracy from you!) is that she mayyybe thinks she went too far, but also has this idea of herself as a trailblazing so-crazy and she can’t back away from that. Because if she does, then who would she be? So her moments of doubling down on being ridiculous and awful are mostly, I think, triggered by the knowledge that she’s going too far. If she acknowledges that and backs away from it, though, she looks weak, and like she didn’t really believe the histrionics. So she has to follow through, even though she’s already aware that she’s ridiculous. To me, this is so exemplified by the feet on the wall in the amazing Marnie and Desi scene. She flails out of her own self-loathing and upset—and, let’s be honest, because Marnie’s attention is distracted from Hannah and her problems – but when she realizes mid-flail that it’s likely to go unnoticed (especially by those two) she has to punctuate it, the adult-child equivalent of ‘I meant to do that’. Doubt me? Notice Hannah when she sees Adam and Jessa, and notices, by their quiet, by their not saying anything, how clearly they really do believe in their two-ness. She uses the word ‘f*cking’ over and over again, but as we – and Hannah, at her core - knows, that’s not what it is. If it was, she wouldn’t be so upset. It’s so much more. You can tell, because of how quiet and calm they are together. Just like Marnie and Desi, when they quietly sing their soon-to-be-famous song. (OMG, those two.) I don’t necessarily think this is always true—that ‘true’ romance is quiet, while posing needs to be loud and showy—but I think Girls does. That’s what Fran says, after all: “I do not make scenes in public”, and, elsewhere, that’s what ultimately tips Elijah off. Dill is all about publicly decorating him, and overtly ‘loving that you’re here’, but that’s not the same thing as not wanting to be with anyone else. I love that you can see Elijah realize a few things in succession: that he’s not Dill’s only partner; that that bothers him; that he knows it’s not necessarily supposed to bother him, because he’s a sophisticated man in the world, but it does anyway. Being honest about that (and, in the theme of the episode, quiet rather than dramatic) is super mature—but where does it get him? Because at the end of the episode, Hannah and Fran quietly postpone the inevitable, and quietly walk away together. They are, as Fran requested, not making a scene in public. Instead, Hannah made scenes all through the ‘play’, hoping one of her friends would notice her pain. Nobody does—just like they didn’t notice Kitty Genovese’s. But then, Kitty was screaming. See how hard it is for Hannah to figure out what’s right to do? She keeps making noise but nobody can hear her. But nobody hears her when she’s quiet, either. Why can’t Hannah find a way to be heard? She’s screaming as loud as she can. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 1:58 PM [Katy & Taylor’s identity swap] [Dolly Parton and Katy Perry perform onstage at the 51st Academy of Country Music Awards at MGM Grand Garden Arena on April 3, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada] While Taylor Swift was collecting iHeartRadio Awards last night (which some would call #iFakeAwards – like the People’s Choice Awards of music?) her rival, [Katy Perry], was at the Academy of Country Music Awards as [Dolly Parton]’s plus one which, like, can we all agree was the better ticket? If you’re presenting Dolly Parton and performing with Dolly Parton, where else could you possibly want to be? And maybe it was the Dolly effect because it’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed Katy Perry this much. Her introduction of Dolly was full of personality but still respectful (a combination Justin Timberlake seems incapable of putting together) and, without her usual pop stylings, she sounded as good as I’ve ever heard her. I loved Katy last night. And I never love Katy. But this is the magic of Dolly, see? As for Katy’s outfit… I’m giving her a pass because, clearly, she dressed for the occasion and for Dolly. This is not the same as how bullsh-t she looked at the Golden Globes. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 1:36 PM [Taylor’s boyfriend and golf claps] [Taylor Swift attends the iHeartRadio Music Awards at The Forum on April 3, 2016 in Inglewood, California] [Taylor Swift] won some awards last night at iHeartRadio. [Justin Timberlake] presented one of them to her. We’ll get to him later, if I feel like it, but I am amazed that in his Instagram post from the event, he didn’t include himself in the photo. The patronising “dear” kills me, though. [My good friend, Taylor... Congrats, dear!!! #iHeartAwards] A photo posted by Justin Timberlake (@justintimberlake) on Apr 3, 2016 at 9:09pm PDT Anyway, as JT points out, Taylor at this point in her career has now won over 250 awards. And as we’ve seen, she’s never been able to thank a boyfriend… until now. Taylor Swift accepts the award for best tour at [#iHeartAwards] ❤️[ — billboard (@billboard) [April 4, 2016] Her boyfriend, Adam, also won an award last night (by the way, at one point #IFakeAwards was trending last night) and she looked up at him with hearts in her eyes. This is not, however, what her face was doing after [Justin Bieber] opened the show. Remember, this is a girl who knows all the words to all the songs and enthusiastically jumps up and down for all the artists, but one? Golf claps and a look-away with a sip of water. Don’t tell me that was innocent. Don’t tell me Taylor Swift didn’t know exactly what she was doing and what she would have looked like. She’s aware at all times when the camera is around. This is how she wanted the camera to show her. But I’m not sure if she knew how the camera would show her outfit. This belted sequined catsuit. Two weeks ago another thin blonde put on a jumpsuit that gave us some weird gunty proportions – Gwyneth Paltrow, remember? [Embed from Getty Images] Same thing is happening here with Taylor. From behind it’s no better either. And you know why? This is about greed. The greediness of that belt. She didn’t need that belt. She went with the belt to further highlight the size of her waist. As if you needed a reminder that she has a tiny waist. But in doing so, well, she created a diapered pelvic triangle. Style avarice has its consequences. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 12:52 PM [The Walking Dead 6.16: “Eenie, meenie, miney, moe”] [Norman Reedus out in NYC with a friend, April 1, 2016] The Walking Dead Season 6, Episode 16 recap SPOILERS. SERIOUSLY. The Walking Dead is The Revenant of TV. It’s constructed to make you feel smart, without requiring you to be smart. Like The Revenant, it has a high level of technical proficiency, and it’s chock-full of the kind of stylish, weird imagery that distracts you from its hollow core. It looks like it’s supposed to mean something, which is taken as good as actually meaning something. But there is nothing here. It’s just window dressing advertising a store that’s gone out of business. The finale is ninety minutes, which has nothing to do with the needs of the story—which could be served in a tight thirty minutes—and everything to do with selling more ad space. Television (and movies) is a business, but creative decisions ought to start in the writers’ room, not the boardroom. This episode is burdened by the demands of the C suite, and as a result, it’s horrendous. Let’s start with the B plot, which is that Morgan found a horse. Isn’t everyone so happy that Morgan found a horse? What an excellent visual callback to Rick in the pilot episode! Does this mean that Morgan is the new Rick? No, of course not, because this show refuses to kill off Rick and see what happens with someone else in charge. It’s just more of the “This Looks Cool, F*ck The Story” school of filmmaking. Morgan chasing Carol and trying to convince her to return to Alexandria is not only dumb, it successfully ruins Carol’s character. Remember when Carol was the most interesting person on the show? Well no more! Now she’s the same mopey charisma-drain Morgan was when that goat farmer had him locked up. This plotline ends with an injured Carol and Morgan going off with a couple guys. I don’t think they’re Hilltop—this probably our introduction to The Kingdom, another group of survivors. In the A plot, Rick & Co. drive around in the RV, literally going in circles, trying to get Maggie to Hilltop for help. We’ve been through the “is having a baby in this world selfish?” debate before with Lori, but Maggie’s pregnancy gives us the definitive answer—YES. IT’S INCREDIBLY SELFISH. Sasha and Abraham have a conversation about whether or not they could handle it like Maggie and Glenn are, and I literally yelled at my TV, “Don’t you do it, you selfish f*cks!” They are unsuccessful in their quest because at every turn they encounter groups of Saviors, blocking off the road. Eventually, they’re run to ground in a clearing, and here all the wayward members of Rick & Co. are reunited. Of course no one died in the previous episode, but they were captured, and now everyone’s on their knees and we meet the man himself—Negan. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is EXCELLENT, hitting the right combination of charm and psychopathy that makes Negan so compelling on the page. But I’m not sold simply because the show couldn’t stick the landing with The Walking Dead’s other signature villain, the Governor. This show is really good at introductions and really bad at follow through, so we’ll see how Negan shakes out. For now, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is the best part of the finale and I am 100% #TeamNegan because at least he f*cking DOES SOMETHING. Which is, of course, kill someone. We don’t see who because this chickensh*t show cuts to black, but it should be obvious. (IT’S GLENN.) Inevitably this will garner Jon Snow comparisons, but the difference is that within the show, Jon Snow’s death is handled correctly. The problem with Game of Thrones is how they’re handling the real-world aftermath—lying their asses off—not with how they handled the execution of Jon Snow. But Dead has already botched this. They’ve already psyched us out and wasted the emotional response on a [bullsh*t cheap piece of theater]. So instead of throwing viewers into upheaval at the death of a major character—the first one since, what, Andrea?—everyone’s pissed that we got faked out again, robbing the moment of its gravity and shock value. This is, by far, the dumbest show on television, completely devoid of any meaning or actual stakes. The first season and the first half of season three were great. Everything else is garbage. Sure, it can generate beautiful images of decay and gore—the moss zombie from season four stands out—and occasionally it puts together a legit great episode, like “Clear”. But taken on the whole, The Walking Dead is horse sh*t. Attached - [Norman Reedus] out in New York last week. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 11:58 AM [April 4, 2016 – Smutty Shout-Outs] [Aidan Turner for Liana] Liana! Happy Birthday! By request, and for your “happy dance”, here’s Aidan Turner. [Click here for the rest of the photos.] Posted at 11:46 AM [Privacy Policy] - [Unsubscribe]