âAh, thatâs right ⦠sheâs out at that event this week.â âRemember, heâs traveling to see clients for a few days.â âOhâyou didnât hear what happened?â A vacant cubicle and a missing colleague invite these kinds of observations. We are aware, consciously or unconsciously. We all notice that empty seat. And it used to be far more transparent when we were all in the office. Day in and day out, bonds were forged as lives became interwoven, even among those who were not necessarily friends outside of work. From celebrations of joy to consolations of sorrowâeverything was out in the open and shared in the moment. But if weâre honest, what used to be organic is now inorganic. As a result, some of the workplace conversations are a little different these days. âItâs going to be a tough weekâI have to go into the office twice for work events.â Hearing these words just the other day from a young professional I know, I was curious. âWhyâs that?â âTheyâre not my real friends,â she told me. âTheyâre just the people [Black Korn Ferry logo JPG 400.png]() âAh, thatâs right ⦠sheâs out at that event this week.â âRemember, heâs traveling to see clients for a few days.â âOhâyou didnât hear what happened?â A vacant cubicle and a missing colleague invite these kinds of observations. We are aware, consciously or unconsciously. We all notice that empty seat. And it used to be far more transparent when we were all in the office. Day in and day out, bonds were forged as lives became interwoven, even among those who were not necessarily friends outside of work. From celebrations of joy to consolations of sorrowâeverything was out in the open and shared in the moment. But if weâre honest, what used to be organic is now inorganic. As a result, some of the workplace conversations are a little different these days. âItâs going to be a tough weekâI have to go into the office twice for work events.â Hearing these words just the other day from a young professional I know, I was curious. âWhyâs that?â âTheyâre not my real friends,â she told me. âTheyâre just the people I work with.â Her comment is a sign and a symptom of whatâs happening across the workscape. And itâs not the remote versus in-person debate. Thatâs not what weâre talking about hereâanother dynamic is at play. In a world thatâs becoming increasingly polarized these days, people may be reluctant to bring their real selves to work. Even in the office, working side by side with others, we can all be guarded in what we say. All of this can lead to compartmentalizingâseparating ourselves, like fire and ice. With that comes the tendency to walk only in our own shoes, instead of in those of others. It used to be so natural. Just think back to the elementary school playground. Someone asked, âWanna be my friend?ââand thatâs usually what happened! Not so easy today. Our firmâs psychologists explain that three dimensions of friendship are trust, authenticity, and organic shared experiences. Frankly, itâs hard to create that through a 12-inch screen with a set agenda and a scripted discussion. And even when people are together, the relational has become far more transactional. As a result, what was once seen is often unseenâthe obvious now opaque: Someone having a difficult day. The colleague leaving early to visit a sick loved one. The exuberant celebration and deep satisfaction of success. And, that empty chair. So perhaps it is not friendship that we are really missing, but the art of connecting in meaningful, authentic ways. Or, maybe itâs bothâwhat we might call connectionship. And thereâs science to back it up: Affiliative leadership is among the six leadership styles identified in our firmâs research, based on hundreds of thousands of leaders around the world. It focuses on creating trust and harmonyâacknowledging that we all want and need human connection. After all, we all long to be part of something bigger than ourselves. Even more than deep friendship, what we seek from others is the sense that they have our backâjust as we have theirs. As Carole King famously sang in her iconic song: âIf the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds, and that old north wind begins to blow ⦠Keep your head together, and call my name out loud. Soon you'll hear me knockin' at your door.â In short, itâs a sense of community that pulls people in. And itâs up to all of usâphysically and virtuallyâto open our doors. Connectionship is a two-way street. Yes, employers can and should seek ways to increase engagementâno matter where or how people work. But equally important, everyone must show upâwith authenticity and vulnerability. Because hereâs the thing, if people arenât their real selves, theyâll never achieve real connection. Leaders have an important role to play, tooâmodeling what this looks like for others. In fact, as our firm has found, forging and fostering connection requires the same traits and abilities that underscore all effective leadership. It starts with selflessnessâitâs not about you. Bring in empathyâmeeting others where they are. And, most important, itâs showing our true selvesâwho we are, not just what we do. As these attitudes and behaviors cascade through the organization, it sparks connection. Indeed, when we feel connected, we fit in. And when we fit in, we belong. And when we belong, we can truly see and notice othersâboth the colleagues with us and that empty seat among us. Weâre pleased to launch a new book from Korn Ferry, [Take Control]() â and itâs all about getting ahead and advancing careers. This latest book follows [The Five Graces of Life and Leadership](), offering imagery, emotions, and insights that capture the human side of leadership. Both books are now available. Regards, Gary Burnison
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