How to Say "No", Anxiety, Success & More

I’m historically bad at saying “no.” I used to lost friends over this. That’s how bad I was. July 11, 2018 [WEBSITE]( | [UNSUBSCRIBE]( [Altucher Confidential] “I'm historically bad at saying "no." I used to lose friends over this. That's how bad I was.” [James] Altucher Breaks His Silence on Gold: This “Fear Metal” Just Changed FOREVER It is a subject he’s often avoided… 72 months ago, James told AOL Finance about this “fear metal”: [Interview with James Altucher]( “Let’s just be clear, gold is a rock.” For nearly 200 years, James said: “basically the price was flat.” But now, for [the first time EVER...]( He’s confident [this gold opportunity]( could earn you up to $250,570 or more starting Aug. 3… [THIS is what made James change his mind.]( I wanted someone to interview me. And Amy Morin was the perfect choice. She’s been on the podcast a few times. And she knows me well. “I’ll try to wear my mentally strong author hat rather than my therapist hat,” Amy said. I interrupted. “No. Wear your therapist hat.” “Really?” “Yeah. I need that.” “Game on.” I could tell she prepared. She chose questions that led deep into my successes and failures. We talked about everything from anxiety to my writing process. But also: - Reinventing yourself - How to say "no" (and when to say "yes") - WHY you should invest in yourself & how to diversify that investment That’s all in Part 1 of the interview... And in Part 2 (out Thursday), we talk about: - How to go from idea to implementation (and why so many people get stuck executing) - The benefits of learning new skills - Some of my personal investment philosophies - Why I think I’m stupid (and how this helps me) - Burnout - Relationships - Building your inner circle And more. [(Subscribe to make sure you get to hear Part 2)]( I put together a list of 10 questions Amy asked me. And let me just say these barely scrape the surface of everything we talked about. QUESTION 1. How do you say “No”? I’m historically bad at saying “no.” I used to lose friends over this. That’s how bad I was. I’d get invited to do something and instead of saying “no,” I’d just ignore them. I thought it was easier for me to do this because I don’t like confrontation. But it backfired. I was losing my network and my friends. And, eventually, these people stopped talking to me. So I decided to learn how to say “no.” And it took me a long time. I had to figure out what to say “no” to and also HOW to say “no.” I even wrote a book about it called “The Power of No.” Someone might say, “Why are you writing a book about how to say ‘no’ if you don’t know how to say ‘no?’” And the answer is simple. I wanted to learn. I can’t learn anything from exploring what I’m naturally good at it. Because I don’t know HOW I got good at those things. There’s no experience there. No hard work. The things I struggled to learn are deeply ingrained in my experience. So when I write, I start with the low point, whether it’s being broke or being in a bad relationship or being suicidal. There’s an arch. Similar to any other arch where finally at the end I’m able to come back and say what I’ve learned. So this is what I learned about saying, “no.” In your 20’s you should say “yes” more than in your 30’s and 40’s and so on. I say “no” to almost everything now. My kids and relationship come first. Then my creative work (writing, podcasting, comedy). These are the things that excite me the most. Then, I focus on business. Saying “no” to one thing is equal to saying “yes” to something else. I won’t go to a party over writing. It takes years to master the art of saying “no”. I wish I learned my priorities early on. It’s not easy. And I’m still learning. It’s such a critically important aspect of every part of life. Now instead of ghosting, I tell the truth. I don’t give a reason. Maybe that’s personal or whatever. But I try to be really honest and upfront with whoever’s asking. QUESTION 2. How do you deal with anxiety? When my anxiety was at its peak, I took Klonopin. I got horribly addicted. It was the worst experience in the world. Amy works with a lot of people who deal with anxiety. She’s a therapist. “You’ve been really upfront saying, ‘I’m an anxious guy and here’s all the things I do anyway’, how do you do that?” Amy asked me. “Anxiety, as you know, can be totally debilitating. And it comes from a lot of different sources. But I would say for me, anxiety is linked to prior trauma or feelings of low self-esteem. For instance, I’ll get anxious with money.” I used to feel so much less confident about making money. And if I ever felt like I was in a bad money situation, I would get so panicky. I would feel like I was having a heart attack. I couldn’t sleep. And I’d write on pads all night long trying to figure out how I was going to live. But all this worry did nothing. Worry never accomplishes anything. It just wastes time. I still get anxious, but I try to tell myself the anxiety is a tool. I’m aware of it, instead of living it. What’s the worst that could happen? After This, You Might NEVER Touch a “Blue Chip” Stock Again. [Man looking at blue chip stocks]( Tired of watching your wealth inch higher at best? At worst, watching it flatline and drop? It’s because you need to UPDATE the way you find opportunities! Introducing what we call “Pink Chip” Stocks – [a class of stocks scientifically discovered to target huge gains](! WARNING: These are NOT your father’s stocks. [Click here now to read about this breakthrough](! QUESTION 3. Do you ever get a vulnerability hangover? I have a rule. I don’t publish an article unless I’m afraid I’m sharing too much. I use this rule 90% of the time. It can get me in trouble. But there’s a tactic behind it. I’ll say anything about myself, so people know I’m telling the truth. It’s like a test. But I won’t say anything bad about anybody else. “You share a lot of really personal stuff in your podcast and in the articles you write. Do you ever feel like you share too much? Is it ever awkward or uncomfortable for you when you share about your personal life?” Amy called it a “vulnerability hangover.” I liked that. But my answer was “no” because I know that if I’m not close to the edge, then I’m not saying anything worth reading. QUESTION 4. Do you think you can learn any skill you want? I started doing comedy as an absolute zero beginner. And I’ve gotten good because I learned the microskills. Every skill has microskills. Look at basketball. There’s no one skill called “basketball.” There’s dribbling, shooting, running, balance, etc. This is my method for getting good at any skill: Write down the microskills, study each one, and practice.  OK. I said 10 questions. The rest are coming tomorrow. But here’s a sneak preview: - Do you actually think you’re stupid? - How do you implement your ideas? - Where do you put your mental energy?  Here’s Part 1 of Amy interviewing me: And before you go! You can watch Amy interview me [right here]( on my YouTube channel. Or click the images below… [james]( Sincerely, [James Altucher] James Altucher Add james@jamesaltucher.com to your address book: [Whitelist us]( Additional Articles & Commentary: [The James Altucher Website]( Join the conversation! Follow me on social media: [Facebook]( [LinkedIn]( [Twitter]( [instagram]( [Read & comment on site]( ["The James Altucher Show" on iTunes]( Since I launched my top-10 rated podcast back in 2014, it has more than 200,000 listeners and has gotten more than 12 million downloads. [Listen and subscribe on iTunes]( Altucher Confidential is committed to protecting and respecting your privacy. We do not rent or share your email address. 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