The lie of “effortless success” and 3 truths

Growing up, I went to a public high school in California. As you might expect To view this email as a web page, [click here]() {NAME}, Growing up, I went to a public high school in California. As you might expect, my immigrant parents were focused on education. The old joke about getting a 99% and your dad saying “What went wrong?” is not really a joke (but it is a great way to teach discipline). I can’t wait to be disappointed in my future kids, too. I had a competitive group of friends and we were all gunning for good grades. The SAT was important to me because I wanted to get into Stanford. So I started buying SAT books. You know the ones: Princeton Review, Kaplan, etc. I deeply understand “info product” junkies — the people who buy course after course, then never do anything with it — because I did that! I bought 10+ thick-ass SAT books and did everything except actually read them. After I finally cracked a couple, I still wasn’t getting it. I was especially struggling with the math part, which I’ve never been great at. Then I heard about this Kaplan class. It included special examples, classroom instruction, and an expert instructor who would walk you through the examples. It was something like $800. That was a TON of money for my family. When I brought it up to my mom, I’ll never forget what she said: “We’ll find a way to pay for it.” And they did. And it worked. I’ll never forget that moment. I realized three truths about success that nobody ever talks about. TRUTH #1: If it’s important, there’s ALWAYS a way to pay for itEven though that was an astronomical sum for my parents, they found a way to pay for it. They may not have had the money to buy the coolest clothes or eat out a lot, but if it came to education, they’d find the money. I took the class. They drove me 30 minutes each way, on weekdays, so I could learn SAT prep. Now that’s love. And it helped! Having an instructor who could work with me and help walk me through the examples was priceless. It was also nice to be around other students who had the same struggles. I realized I wasn’t alone. TRUTH #2: Investing in yourself worksIt’s not just about money. It’s about mentally acknowledging the need for help, and then finding a way to make it happen. My mom and dad didn’t have the money or the time — but they found a way. And for me, the security of knowing I could get personalized help from the instructor … wow. Looking back, could I have done it without that $800 class? Probably. Was I doing it on my own? No. Whether or not that class made a big difference, it started getting me in the mindset of reaching out for help. But there’s another thing I didn’t mention. TRUTH #3: We have a weird, puritanical belief about effortless successFor a long time, I didn’t tell anybody I took that Kaplan class. It was just something I didn’t want to talk about. I wanted success to seem effortless. We believe we shouldn’t “try” too hard to succeed, that it’s not cool if we do. WHERE THE HELL DOES THIS COME FROM?? Why isn’t it OK to admit we actually want to be successful? You see this puritanical belief in lots of different, subtle ways. Person 1: “Wow, you look so great. I love that dress!” Person 2: “Ha, this old thing is so old. I found it at the bottom of a dumpster.” WHY?? Person 1: “Damn, congratulations on that promotion. How’d you do that?” Person 2: “I have no idea. Literally, I should be fired for how little I work.” PLEASE STOP THIS BULLSHIT. Why is it so hard for us to say, “Thank you. I really appreciate it.” Or, “Thank you. I’m really proud of the hard work I put in last year.” (Try to say that out loud. Why is it so uncomfortable to say that?) Personally, I’m a fan of being weird and being okay with it. If that means I work hard and I show it, so be it. I’ve spent my life since taking the SATs — more than 20 years — trying to show how any real level of success actually DOES take work. Being the best is never an accident. It takes work to be good, and a lot of work to be great. The people who tell you about making a million dollars in passive income are lying, and worse, delusional. I know what it takes to make a million dollars passively — I’ve done it. Success, whether it’s your finances, your business, or your relationships, takes an investment of time. And sometimes, money. Success is almost never effortless. The surgeon Atul Gawande [wrote]() one of my favorite quotes: “Professional athletes use coaches to make sure they are as good as they can be. But doctors don’t. I’d paid to have a kid just out of college look at my serve. So why did I find it inconceivable to pay someone to come into my operating room and coach me on my surgical technique?” I wish I could tell 15-year-old Ramit that there’s no shame in asking for help. Of tapping into the expertise of someone who knows more than you do, and accelerating your growth. If you want to learn Spanish, get a few books from the library or download an app. If that doesn’t work, get a tutor! If you want to learn to cook, spend $50 on a cooking class. There are a ton out there. Two years from now, you won’t remember the $50, but you’ll love having the skill of being able to make delicious food, anywhere, anytime. I admit I need help! I didn’t know how to dress, I didn’t know how to gain muscle, and I didn’t know how to grow my business. I got help for each one of those things. Over time, I’ve come to be proud of what I’ve invested in learning and improving my life. Let others scoff at self-improvement. That old chestnut, “LOL! What a scam! You could just do that yourself for free!” starts to look pretty old when you realize … they haven’t actually done it themselves. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself. You’re in good company: We have over a million IWT readers who are unapologetic about wanting to improve their lives. Never feel ashamed to ask for help. “My boyfriend is perfect… except he’s broke” (Part 1) On this week’s I Will Teach You To Be Rich podcast episode, we get an example of why understanding psychology is so important, as well as the importance of reaching out for help. Connie’s dad always picked up the tab. She grew up believing that the man in the relationship should be a provider. But her boyfriend Wes can’t fill that role: “We are at two extremely different financial points of our life, and if we can’t figure out how to intertwine them, I don’t think we have a future. And this is a man I love so dearly.” –Connie Wes and Connie love each other and have enough money. They should be able to have a future based on facts. But we aren’t logical when it comes to money. Psychology causes us to think and feel in peculiar ways. Will Connie be able to break out of the gender roles that make her feel resentful and act in a demeaning way toward Wes … or will their relationship fall apart? Is it even possible to get on the same page when you’ve believed certain money and gender expectations your whole life? [Listen until the end when we find something out about Connie that completely floored me](). [Signature] WHAT TO DO NEXT Listen. On this week’s episode of the I Will Teach You To Be Rich podcast, I help Wes and Connie work through deep-seated money beliefs, including gender roles and the emotions of money. [Click here to listen](). [SIGN UP]() Ask for help. What’s an area in your life where you’re stalled? Could be how to save more money, what the next step in your career should be, how to earn more, etc. Ask two people for help this week. [SIGN UP]() Featured Products [Learn how to be your own boss, do what you love, and earn more.]() [What if you woke up EXCITED to go to work? I show you how to achieve it, step by step.]() [Ready-to-use mental frameworks for increased happiness, confidence, & success.]() [No guilt, no excuses, no BS. Just a 6-week program that works. Over 1,000,000 copies sold.]() The I Will Teach You To Be Rich Podcast Raw, unfiltered conversations with real couples: - One partner is $300,000 in debt, but shrugs it off. The other cries at night, anxious about the future. - A couple that’s so worried about money, they feel like they’ll never have enough. They go to a restaurant and order chicken instead of steak to save $10. Their household income: $600,000. - Two parents who feel overwhelmed by work, kids, and debt. When I ask them how they’d describe their lives, they instantly say the same word: “Stuck.” Listen in to hear real money conversations from behind closed doors today. [Apple Podcasts] [Apple]() [Spotify]() [Google]() [IWT]() Follow Ramit: [insta]() [Twitter]() [twitter]() [youtube]() [Linkedin]() Was this forwarded to you? 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