This is why boundaries can feel so hard

Invisible scripts are beliefs so ingrained in our minds that we aren’t even To view this email as a web page, [click here]() Invisible scripts and boundaries myths [Invisible scripts]() are beliefs so ingrained in our minds that we aren’t even aware they’re guiding our attitudes and actions. We can’t see these beliefs unless we dig deeper. Usually, they come from society or our upbringing. They sound like… - “Most people who start businesses fail, so why bother?” - “Wow, $2 more for oat milk in your latte – so extravagant!” - “You should follow your passion.” These scripts guide our behavior and feelings without our awareness, and they can hold you back from living a Rich Life. The myths explained in Boundaries, my first book club pick, are good examples of invisible scripts. According to the book, a myth is “a fiction that looks like a truth” (Boundaries, p. 101). The authors walk us through common, unhelpful myths you might succumb to as you try to set or accept healthy boundaries in your life: “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.” -Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend Boundaries show us what we should take responsibility for … and what we shouldn’t. When you set them, you can protect your time, guard your emotional well-being, and actually be a better partner, friend, son, daughter, parent, etc. Mastering boundaries is foundational to living a Richer Life. But you have to know what traps you might fall into on the way – and how to get out of them. Let’s explore one core boundary myth below. “If I set boundaries, I’m being selfish” In Boundaries, Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend tell the story of a couple concerned about their son Bill, a 25-year-old who needed to be “fixed." Bill’s parents always took care of him financially, giving him money in college so he didn’t have to work and could focus on studying and his social life. But Bill had problems with drugs and couldn’t stay in school or find a career. Their advice: “[Bill] doesn’t have a problem because you have taken it from him. Those things should be his problem, but as it now stands, they are yours. Would you like for me to help you help him to have some problems?” (p. 25). [Gif] Read that again: “Would you like for me to help you help him to have some problems?” These helicopter parents needed to stop constantly rescuing Bill so he could realize he had a problem and deal with the consequences. What Bill needed wasn’t more help. He needed to own his problem. Now, I’m not saying that every time you set a boundary, you should shove your finger in someone’s face and say, “This is YOUR problem – not mine!” Or that they will magically improve their life afterward. [Meme] Boundaries are about defining our OWN bounds. They need to come from our perspectives. Boundaries are where WE begin and end. Here’s an example from my own life. Early on in my work, I realized I needed to set time boundaries to accomplish goals. I never minded working weekends or working late, but I knew I needed time without distractions just for thinking. I knew this would help me do my best work and contribute to my team to my full ability, so I started out with 1 hour on Wednesdays. Over time, this expanded to the entire day. And now, my whole team has no meetings on Wednesdays to give us all time and space for deep work. Extreme ownership is part of our team’s core values, and this boundary allows us to perform at our best. “This is a very different picture than many of us are used to. Some individuals see their needs as bad, selfish, and at best, a luxury” (p.124). When it comes to living our Rich Lives, you have to know what you need to actually LIVE them – to do your fullest work, to fulfill your own sense of purpose, and to be happy in your relationships. And then it’s up to you to take care of these needs – to practice extreme ownership. It doesn’t just help yourself, but everyone around you. REWRITE THE SCRIPT: If I set boundaries, I’m taking care of my needs. “We’re worth $5.7 million but we’re arguing over the price of chocolates for Valentine’s Day” I teach people how to significantly grow their wealth every day — through investing, negotiating massive salary increases, and starting successful businesses. The math behind getting rich is surprisingly easy. But if you’ve lived in poverty for most of your life, getting over the fear of losing it all is another story completely. This week on the I Will Teach You To Be Rich podcast, I talk to Nicole and Michael. They have a combined net worth of over $5.7 million — yet they find themselves arguing over the price of a minor car repair. Nicole has crippling anxiety when it comes to spending any amount of money, no matter how small. While her fears may have once been justified, they haven’t caught up with reality. Now, with a house stacked with boxes of free items and bulk discount junk, Nicole and Michael need to wipe the slate clean and reset their thoughts about money … before the financial wedge in their relationship drives them to divorce. Can I get Nicole to stop viewing money from a place of fear so she and Michael can start living their Rich Life together? [Click here]() to listen to my conversation with Nicole and Michael. New episodes of the I Will Teach You To Be Rich podcast are released Tuesday mornings. Subscribe on [Apple](), [Spotify](), or wherever you get your podcasts. [Signature] WHAT TO DO NEXT FOLLOW: Follow me on [Instagram]() to join the book club conversation! 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