Lose the shame, and grab the lube

We talk with the host of the No. 1 sexuality podcast, Emily Morse. [Healthline]( [Wellness Wire]( IN a nutshell Welcome back to the last day of our first-ever Wellness Wire Better Sex miniseries! ICYMI: We’ve been giving you tips and tools to maximize your pleasure potential all week long. What better way to end this series than an entire sexual health newsletter theme? And we’re kicking it off by interviewing the host of the No. 1 sexuality podcast, *the* Emily Morse of “[Sex with Emily](.” Here’s everything else that’s coming your way today: • your [sex tip of the day]( (hint: it’s playtime!) • a [magic wand](, [a lubricant](, and [19 condoms]( walk into a bedroom ... • more health stories you need, like [debunked IUD myths]( Be well, Morgan Mandriota Newsletter Editor, Healthline Written by Morgan Mandriota February 17, 2023 • 6 min read Want to unlock your best sex life? Say hello to your new BFF [Emily Morse](. A doctor of human sexuality and host of the hit podcast, “Sex with Emily,” Morse is one of the leading sexperts in the space right now. As a self-proclaimed “lube pusher,” she’s now the chief sexologist on high quality lubricant brand [Playground’s Sex and Wellness Council](. Across all of her roles, everything she does is in the name of pleasure-focused sex education. If you’ve ever wanted to ask a sexpert about sexual health misconceptions, frequently asked questions around intimacy, and how to have better sex, look no further! We asked Morse all of the above, and we’re sharing her answers below. *This interview has been edited for length and clarity. Q: What inspired you to launch your show? What has been your biggest takeaway from hosting it so far? A: I started “Sex with Emily” in my mid-30s, because I wanted to know what created authentic, hot, “good” sex. Whenever anyone told me they had an amazing sex life, I wanted to ask: “What do you mean? How? What specifically do you do to make it satisfying?” Over time, “Sex with Emily” evolved into a resource to have open, honest conversations about sex, and I’m so happy that our whole community has grown up around it. Together, we’ve moved the culture forward to talk about sex as a completely normal and vital part of your overall health. One of my biggest takeaways from hosting is we all need help with sex. You never arrive at a place where you’re perfect at sex and you’re done learning. Your sexual needs (and your partners’ needs) are ever-changing and evolving, whether you’re single, in a relationship, or [polyamorous](. Q: What are some common misconceptions surrounding sexual health and intimacy? Can you bust each of them with the facts? A: “If I have a vulva and I need lube for sex, there must be something wrong with me.” We all need lube! According to data from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, an estimated 70% of people with vaginas report having experienced insufficient lubrication at one point or another. This has to do with so many factors, including that day’s [hormone levels](, which are out of your control. So, lose the shame, and [grab the lube](. “If I have problems with erection, there’s something wrong with my penis.” [Erectile dysfunction]( is very common, and penis owners carry a lot of shame around it. If you [prioritize your heart health]( by doing the basics (e.g., regular exercise, healthy diet, cutting down on alcohol and smoking), your erections [may] become more predictable and long lasting. That’s because erections depend on cardiovascular health: blood flowing into the penis to create the erection. Just 30 minutes of walking a day has been linked with a 41% drop in risk for ED. “If my partner has to use a toy to orgasm, I must not be enough.” For hetero couples, the orgasm gap is real. About [95%]( of cis-het men orgasm during sex, compared with [65%]( of cis-het women (which seems to me like an overestimation, actually). Why is this happening? Because for most women, penetrative sex does not [stimulate the clitoris](. There’s nothing wrong with you or your penis. She just needs a toy, a mouth, or fingers stimulating her clitoris specifically to climax. Accept this, and be free! [Greg Grunberg] Q: What’s the biggest theme you’ve noticed in the sexual issues that face people across genders? A: Almost everyone struggles with talking to their partner about sex. They’re worried that they’ll hurt their partner’s feelings or take it as a criticism. I truly believe that if we can [talk about sex]( like we talk about what’s for dinner, everyone wins. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but if we can be more forthright and open when discussing sex itself, the answers come more readily. And that’s true no matter your gender. Q: If you can only share one piece of advice or nugget of wisdom when it comes to boosting your sexual well-being and having a healthier, more pleasurable sex life, what would it be? A: Prioritize your [solo sex](! That’s where you’re going to get useful information about your turn-ons and discover the physical sensations that feel good. I always tell people “you are responsible for your own orgasm.” It’s much easier if you explore your own body on the regular. dirty talk Secrets for Better Sex [It’s time to play!]( [It’s time to play!]( Today’s focus and hot tip: Break out the toys. Like Morse said above, sex toys are *not* competition. They’re our little pleasure pals that want to help us feel good, and they do a great job. Toys can spice up a dull sex life and get you better acquainted with what type of sensations you like. Sex toys can ramp up your sexual satisfaction, which may offer [health benefits]( like increasing immunity, improving sleep, boosting mood, and relieving vaginal pain. From [butt plugs]( and [dildos]( to [BDSM gear]( and [sex furniture]( (yes, furniture), there’s a toy out there for anyone and everyone to enjoy. Are you a toy newbie? Don’t fret. Shopping can be overwhelming, but we’re here to help. Click [here]( to read our beginner’s guide to sex toys. Depending on your sexual health needs, knowledge, and interests, you might also want to check out these articles: • [how to clean your sex toys]( • [8 best cock rings for erectile dysfunction or fun]( • [sex toys and sexually transmitted infections (STIs)]( Want more insight like this? Email wellnesswire@healthline.com to sign up for our upcoming Better Sex challenge! health stories you need What we’re reading next [] 💥 [10 myths about IUDs, debunked.]( A lot of lies are floating around this effective birth control method. Let’s fight those myths with facts. 💧 [Can exercises improve an overactive bladder?]( Yup! Try these pelvic floor workouts to better manage bladder leakage and reduce how often you’re running to the bathroom. ☕ [3 cups of coffee for hypertension.]( If you can drink this much caffeine per day without bouncing off the walls, 1) congrats, and 2) you may be on your way to lower blood pressure. 💸 [Biden calls for a $35 cap on insulin.]( This would drastically reduce out-of-pocket costs for folks in need. Read the president’s other health-related takeaways from his State of the Union. great finds Editor faves with health perks You know those great finds you just *have* to tell your friends about? That’s how we feel about the products we recommend here. Every pick has been [vetted by our editorial team](, and we genuinely think it’ll make your life better. [Magic Wand Massager]( [Magic Wand Massager]( This OG vibrator has deep, rumbly vibration settings that can satisfy all bodies and body parts, including your aching back. [SHOP NOW]( [MyOne Condoms]( [MyOne Condoms]( Safer sex is better sex. This inclusive condom brand carries 19 lengths and widths for penises of different sizes. [SHOP NOW]( [Überlube Silicone Lubricant]( [Überlube Silicone Lubricant]( A smooth, unscented, flavorless, and latex-compatible lube without sticky residue … need we say more? [SHOP NOW]( Thanks for reading! We hope this newsletter helps you have a lovely, feel-good weekend. You deserve it. (We all do.) See you on Monday. Did you enjoy this interview? Until next time, [healthline]( Take care of yourself, and we’ll see you again soon! [Telegram] This edition was powered by inclusive, pleasure-focused sex education. 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