A Holocaust survivor on forgiveness

“Each moment in Auschwitz was hell on Earth. It was also my best classroom.” [Healthline]( [Wellness Wire]( IN a nutshell Some stuff warrants the “forgive and forget” mindset, like accidentally breaking your roommate’s favorite mug or apologizing for a white lie. But when you think of surviving genocide, forgiveness is probably the last thing that comes to mind. Not for today’s interview guest … Dr. Edith Eger is a clinical psychologist and Holocaust survivor whose work revolves around the connection between forgiving and finding freedom and peace. First up is our Q&A with the incredibly inspiring Eger, followed by: • [a card game for building deeper connections]( • [a new AI-based app for mood-boosting playlists]( • [more health stories you need]( Be well, Morgan Mandriota Newsletter Editor, Healthline Written by Morgan Mandriota December 23, 2022 • 8 min read Last but certainly not least, I’m honored to introduce our final interview guest of 2022, [Dr. Edith Eger](. As a Holocaust survivor turned clinical psychologist, Eger uses her learnings to highlight the power of forgiveness on self-healing. From [best-selling books to masterclasses](, her work helps people lead full lives by moving beyond their problems, no matter how insurmountable they believe them to be. Grab some tissues, and prepare for what might be our most moving Q&A to date. Below, Eger shares stories of surviving Auschwitz, overcoming her mental prison, and words of wisdom on how you can use forgiveness to heal, too. This interview has been edited for length and clarity. Q: As a Holocaust survivor, you’ve been vocal about how the worst prison you’ve experienced isn’t the one that Nazis put you in but the one you created for yourself within your own mind. How did you free yourself? A: Each moment in Auschwitz was hell on Earth. It was also my best classroom. Subjected to loss, torture, starvation, and the constant threat of death, I discovered the tools for survival and freedom that I continue to use every day in my clinical psychology practice as well as in my own life. The foundation of freedom is the power to choose. During this time, there was very little I could choose. I couldn’t control how many people the Nazis had shoved into the cattle cars or crematoria, trying to exterminate as many Jews and “undesirables” as they could before the end of the war. I couldn’t alter the systematic dehumanization or slaughter of the over 6 million innocents who died in the camps. All I could do was decide how to respond to terror and [hopelessness](. Somehow, I found it within myself to choose hope. Q: How can other folks who feel mentally or emotionally imprisoned do the same? A: Although our lives have probably been very different, you can likely relate to this. Many of us experience feeling [trapped in our minds](. Our thoughts and beliefs determine –– and often limit –– how we feel, what we do, and what we think is possible. When we realize this, then we can begin to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life. You have the choice to be free. You can learn to accept who you are and forgive yourself for ways the past has limited you. In this way, you can face the future as a responsible and [compassionate adult](. Q: How has leaning into this practice of forgiveness despite your experiences impacted your health and life? A: For many years, I had tremendous [problems with anger](. It controlled me and deeply impacted my family. I wasn’t looking at the real [cause of my anger]( –– what I had stuffed down to try and forget. I realized I had to stop running away from the horrors of my past. In this way, I could actually find [forgiveness]( and freedom. I discovered that there is no forgiveness without rage. And that I could express this in a healthy, responsible way [and] not have it spill over [into] my relationship with my husband and my children. Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone “off the hook.” It isn’t something we do for the person who’s hurt us. Forgiveness is something I do for myself and to myself. In this way, I’m taking care of my mental health. [Greg Grunberg] Q: What are some small tips or lifestyle changes that folks can start doing *today* to learn to forgive and, by effect, improve their life? A: Ask yourself if you’re [ready to forgive](. Think of a person who has wronged or harmed you. Do any of these statements ring true? What she did was unforgivable. He hasn’t earned my forgiveness. I’ll forgive once there’s justice, an apology, or acknowledgment. If so, you’re likely spending energy being against someone, rather than being for yourself and the life you deserve. Acknowledge and release rage. Make a rage date with yourself. If the idea of being angry is too terrifying to face alone, ask a trusted friend or therapist to help you. Legitimize your anger, then choose a way to channel and then dissolve it. Find a safe place away from others, then: - scream and yell - punch a pillow - bang the ground with a stick - break plates on the patio Notice how you feel after you’ve released the anger and the rage. In a day or a week, do it again. Forgive yourself. If I’m having trouble releasing past hurts and traumas, it may be that I’m holding on to guilt or [shame]( or self-judgment. Take out photos of yourself as a baby or child, and really look at them. Notice your innocence, your freedom, your passion for life. Imagine you’re holding yourself as a precious baby in your arms. Say, “I’m here. I live for you. I love you.” Say whatever else you need that younger version of you to hear. Q: How do you feel forgiveness can play a role during the holiday season, especially as drama and conflict may arise or cause stress and tension between families? A: This time of year may force you to confront people and places that caused you pain. Instead of seeing this as a crisis, see it as an opportunity — a chance to see the experience for what it was to you, [release anger](, work through the feelings, and find a new peace and freedom. If you know that you’re going to see people with whom you may have had challenging experiences, think about what you want that relationship to be. Imagine the ideal version of your interaction with them over the holidays. Move toward that in your heart while accepting that you may not get it. You can’t control how they act, but you can control your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Maybe you can commit to being calm, [being patient](, and finding some personal time away from others to process the experiences as they come up, rather than letting them spill out. Remember, this is your life. You get to choose how you want to live it. great finds Editor faves with health perks You know those great finds you just *have* to tell your friends about? That’s how we feel about the products we recommend here. Every pick has been [vetted by our editorial team](, and we genuinely think it’ll make your life better. [We’re Not Really Strangers Card Game]( [We’re Not Really Strangers Card Game]( We’re Not Really Strangers is not your average card game. The 150-card deck of hard-hitting questions is designed to help us make meaningful connections and better get to know our siblings, partners, friends, and even strangers. I've played WNRS with roommates, friends, and family members. I can confidently say that this game has strengthened all of these relationships, [deepened my empathy](, and showed me sides of people I know that I never thought existed. I enthusiastically recommend this game to anyone and everyone. Just beware that feelings may arise. (In my experience, many tears were shed.) [Shop now]( [DJ AI? This new music app makes playlists based on your mood]( Weird Science [DJ AI? This new music app makes playlists based on your mood]( I’m still skeptical (read: scared) of AI-based technologies, but I’ve got to admit that some of them are pretty cool. For example, Hong Kong University of Science and Technology (HKUST) is developing an [app that creates custom playlists]( to help listeners manage their emotions through music. How does it work? Well, it’s a lot more interactive than putting on Spotify’s soothing Chill Hits playlist. You fill out three questionnaires to inform the app of your current energy level and mental state –– this includes a patient health questionnaire and anxiety screening for more personalized [music therapy treatments](. From there, the algorithm goes to work to create a totally customized, specifically sequenced playlist of consoling, relaxing, or uplifting songs, depending on what type of mood boost it determines you might need. “We found out that relaxing and uplifting methods can significantly move listeners from negative to more positive emotional states. Especially, when listeners are in a neutral mood, all three proposed methods can change listeners’ emotions to more positive,” said Man Hei Law from [HKUST](. Add this to the list of research that supports [the music-mood connection](. This app isn’t available for use yet. It won’t replace the benefits of counseling or therapy either. But researchers hope this type of technology can serve as a quick pick-me-up and complementary mental health tool. For now, we support you blasting Lizzo, death metal, or whatever feel-good songs you prefer in your time(s) of need. health stories you need What we’re reading next [] [61 HSA-eligible items from skin care to eye care.]( Did you know you can spend your HSA funds on everyday essentials like menstrual products and over-the-counter meds? Read our guide to learn more. [Put cancer screenings at the top of your resolution list.]( When diagnosed early, many cancers can be successfully treated. Haven’t been checked in a while? Make it your 2023 goal. [Can we prevent or reverse age-related memory loss?]( Our friends over at Medical News Today answer these questions about aging and brain health with the help of experts. [Potatoes and diabetes risk: What’s the link?]( First off, yes, there’s a connection. It mainly has to do with how the spud is cooked (chips and roasted potatoes will affect your risk differently). Thanks for reading, and happy holidays to those of you celebrating this weekend! Whatever you end up doing, take care of yourself. Maybe that means practicing forgiveness, playing good music, or treating yourself to a delicious meal. I’ll be doing the latter. Until next time, [healthline]( Take care of yourself, and we’ll see you again soon! [Telegram] This edition was powered by screaming into my pillow (as per Eger’s advice). [fb]( [tiktok]( [insta]( [View in browser]( Did a friend send you this email? [Subscribe here.]( To see all newsletters, [click here.]( [Privacy]( | [Unsubscribe]( © 2022 Healthline Media 1423 Red Ventures Drive, Fort Mill, SC 29707