my first GUIDED magic shroom experience (trip report - Part 2)

Alright... Time for Part 2 of my shroom story 😄 (IMPORTANT: If you missed Part 1, [here's the link]() to that) TL/DR: Last week, I participated in a 2-day magic shroom retreat. It wasn't your typical "Hey, let's get together and have a good time, man" hippie-style activity... It was a PROPER deep group therapy retreat including: -- Professional therapists and psychologists -- A carefully selected set & setting (super important for these types of trips!) -- Pre-vetted participants who already had lots of self-development experience -- And proven group therapy & bodywork methods used during the ceremony In other words... It was as "legit" as it gets. And it really showed... Because I -- along with everyone else -- had some truly PROFOUND realizations! In my last email, I talked about the "Prep" and the "Comeup" phase... And in this one, I'm going to cover the "Main Trip". ​ Phase 3: The Main Trip ​ After the weirdness of the "Comeup" phase gradually faded away... Along with all its mystical, ethereal, and ineffable qualities... I was able to direct my focus toward myself once again! But instead of feeling like the regular version of "Csaba"... I felt like someone who's half-Csaba, half-"impartial observer"... analyzing Csaba's life from a higher perspective. It wasn't quite the so-called "Ego Dissolution" most psychonauts talk about... but I guess it was a part of it. Anyway... This higher perspective unlocked the ability to look at my entire life from a different point of view. Instead of feeling emotionally attached to certain things in my past (especially particularly hard experiences)... I could "dissociate" from them... And observe things without any judgment, pain, shame, or fear. It just... was. Painful experiences from my childhood? It just... was. And it was ok. Fears and anxieties regarding certain things in life? It just... was. And it was ok. Confusing interpersonal relationships (like nasty breakups with exes)? It just... was. And it was ok. In that moment, everything just... made sense. And it was ok. Not in an "I've become numb to pain"-type of way... (like what certain hard dr@gs do) But somewhat similar to how time gradually heals emotional wounds. (like 10 years passing after a nasty breakup, for example) It's a little hard to explain EXACTLY what I experienced, but it's close to the description above. And it was a pretty blissful experience :) But we all know there's no such thing as a free lunch... ​ Because shortly after, this blissful trip became quite the challenging one! ​ How come? Well... During the blissful part, I didn't notice it -- but in the meantime -- a girl 3 people away from me was having a TERRIBLE trip. And I do mean terrible! She was convulsing the whole time... Moaning in pain... And sometimes even vomiting during her ordeal :( I mean... she was SUFFERING... for hours! (which might feel like almost an eternity while on psychedelics) And despite me feeling relatively OK at that point... Her bad trip felt suuuuuper terrifying! And it actually triggered dozens of my own inner pains, fears, and anxieties. So -- for a while -- my #1 objective was to try to "stabilize" myself in this scary atmosphere... and NOT let it hijack my sanity. To be honest, this took some effort... But I eventually got the hang of it, and managed to feel relatively comfortable -- even in this atmosphere. ​ But then I had to face ANOTHER challenge... ​ Realizing that I *have* to spend 3 more hours in this daunting, uncomfortable, heavy situation. (because we were only 1 hour into our trip at that point... and remember that time passes slower during trips) So I felt pretty much like: "F*********ck me... how am I going to survive 3 more hours of this?!" And I even remember that -- when I went out to take a leak (with a therapist's help) -- I tried to persuade her to let me outside of the room so that I could enjoy my trip alone. I even mentioned how I believed this would give me bigger insights... And it would be better for everyone... But honestly, I knew it was all bullshit (and yet I still tried). Of course, the therapist ALSO knew it was bullshit... And she said something like: "Sure, I totally understand you want out... but unfortunately, I can't let you. Everyone stays in the group space because that's where they can deal with whatever things they have to deal with. I know it's not easy... but if it bothers you, that means this is something you can learn from." And she was right, damn it! I was simply scared to go back... and BE PRESENT in this difficult, uncomfortable situation. But I had to do it regardless. And you know what? This actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise! Why? Because eventually -- as I gradually made peace with my situation -- I realized: This whole group space is JUST LIKE life. It has its beautiful moments that leave you with awe and joy... But it also has its difficult, painful moments that you can't truly escape from. ​ YES... you can *try* to escape by pursuing countless distractions... But you can't truly escape it. ​ The more you run, the more it will keep chasing you... Prompting you to try to avoid it even more... until you crash. It can easily turn into a vicious circle that eventually destroys your life. And THAT was a huge realization for me! Because that's when I realized... My reaction to this uncomfortable situation is exactly how I often react to emotionally highly-charged situations in my own life! (especially when that involves my wife) I often just want to "escape", "get away", or "reframe the situation into something positive" (so that I no longer have to deal with charged emotions). But guess what? ​ That's just my way of trying to escape the uncomfortable! ​ And -- despite often making things feel better for a moment -- it's actually highly damaging to my relationships. (especially with my wife) So -- instead of trying to escape (or trying to "fix") -- sometimes I just have to be there with my FULL PRESENCE... just empathizing with people... Regardless of how "illogical" I may think their behavior is. They just need my presence... And that's what I have to give them. Because if I can do that, the perceived "difficulty" of the situation vanishes. And everyone gets better 🙂 So yeah... I can comfortably say, this was a HUGE realization for me. (and don't worry... the girl with the bad trip ultimately had a wonderfully transformative experience... as did everyone else ;) After a few more hours... The energy in the room calmed down... And a lady who was playing live music for us played the most amazing and beautiful tunes I've ever heard in my entire life... And we all had a wonderful, joyous time together. (sometimes feeling like we were back in kindergarten, having a blissful time!) The End 🙂 Hope you've enjoyed this story. I certainly enjoyed writing it :) Have a wonderful day, -Csaba Please add csaba@gameofconversions.com to your address book or whitelist us. Want to change how you receive my emails? You can easily [Update your profile]( or [Unsubscribe]( Our mailing address is: 113 Cherry St #92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2205