Couples Who Make It Through Tough Times Share These 8 Traits

If You Fail This 10-Second Test, Your Risk Of Death Doubles [Fatherly](%2F%2Ffatherly.com%2F%3Futm_campaign=32078%26utm_medium=fatherlyDailyV2%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000181a6ad7089-44189ab9-7fb8-4312-876a-46364676354b-000000/nkk_hJQfoCnPrm_mdNgj2o4Xd2s=275) Jun 27, 2022 It goes without saying that it’s easier for couples to get along when life is running smoothly. But during tough times that are full of strife, difficulty, or uncertainty, holding on to harmony becomes infinitely more difficult for many couples. It’s those tough times that test the strength of your relationship. Psychologists say stressful events or even crises aren’t likely to single-handedly break up strong partnerships. Couples can get through tough times with their relationships intact. But it helps if they’re flexible, empathic, and team-oriented. The glue binding couples even in times of strife, in fact, isn’t that mysterious. Here’s what couples able to weather struggles together tend to have in common, and how to strengthen those qualities in your own relationship. LOVE %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flife%2Fwhat-couples-who-make-it-through-tough-times-have-in-common%3Futm_campaign=32078%26utm_medium=fatherlyDailyV2%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000181a6ad7089-44189ab9-7fb8-4312-876a-46364676354b-000000/jkQ2GfqW_egLuDCMOsx8asEW2l4=275 [Couples Who Make It Through Tough Times Share These 8 Traits](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flife%2Fwhat-couples-who-make-it-through-tough-times-have-in-common%3Futm_campaign=32078%26utm_medium=fatherlyDailyV2%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/01000181a6ad7089-44189ab9-7fb8-4312-876a-46364676354b-000000/E52HtwyiRp7ZHv11lKK120eaOhA=275) In the long run, [this is the stuff that really matters.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flife%2Fwhat-couples-who-make-it-through-tough-times-have-in-common%3Futm_campaign=32078%26utm_medium=fatherlyDailyV2%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/01000181a6ad7089-44189ab9-7fb8-4312-876a-46364676354b-000000/zKQA3AIAYJyvK2AXeGxuVQYRLtc=275) [Read This Story](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flife%2Fwhat-couples-who-make-it-through-tough-times-have-in-common%3Futm_campaign=32078%26utm_medium=fatherlyDailyV2%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/01000181a6ad7089-44189ab9-7fb8-4312-876a-46364676354b-000000/IPEHiVuPdLq8vsYBP1H0a5cDus0=275) Two Traits of Relationships That Endure [01] They accept each other. Research suggests the most important ingredient in sustaining a long-term relationship is emotional accessibility or availability, says Brent Sweitzer, a licensed professional counselor in Cumming, Georgia. This can show up in many ways, he says, but it’s the answer to the question, “Will you be there for me when I need you?” Put another way, couples able to weather tough times together tend to have established emotional safety, says Jennifer VanBoxel, marriage and family therapist and a trauma researcher and instructor at Michigan State University. “It can be really difficult to achieve, especially when couples are struggling,” VanBoxel says. “But with that sense of safety and security, people feel they can be exactly who they are in the moment and still be accepted and understood.” [01] They Know Themselves The way people react to stress differs greatly and has a lot to do with their upbringing, says Laura Petiford, a marriage and family therapist in Fairfield, Connecticut. Some people might yell when they’re upset, for example, or tend to run away and avoid their partner during stressful times. “If the person you love is distant, it can bring about a kind of panic – the same panic that a child feels when their mother, father, or caregiver is nowhere to be found,” says Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist Ben Fineman. The ability to manage your own emotions, therefore, is extremely important. “We know when people have trouble managing negative feelings or chatter, the spillover effects can negatively affect relationships,” says Ethan Kross, Ph.D., professor and founder of the Emotion & Self-Control Lab at the University of Michigan. There’s no one way to react to stress, but having some awareness about our tendencies can help keep marital problems from escalating. 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