How to Set Boundaries (And Not Be a Jerk About It)

Dan Fogler On Playing a ‘Godfather’ Legend and Keeping the Potterverse Fun [Fatherly](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/ik0RFn5mxC9y0HuMhccettEJmgk=266) If you’ve never thought much about setting boundaries with people in your life, it may seem selfish or even a little controlling. But Oakland-based marriage and family therapist Cameron, assures us that the opposite is true. Rather than a method of controlling someone’s behavior, he says boundaries — which can involve anything from physical space to emotional sharing to money and resources — are more like “communicated guidelines about how to relate with you or treat you.” In other words, they're an important aspect of taking active control of your mental health. But the question is how do you set and enforce them without pushing people away? There’s no one-size-fits-all method for boundary-setting, but the process will be much smoother if you adhere to a few principles. LOVE %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-set-boundaries%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/_9dsxShbzg1M_YbPhR9T0I-xywI=266 [How to Set Boundaries with the People in Your Life (And Not Be a Jerk About It)](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-set-boundaries%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/o_pMcQGdEJVNWbAC7TuMtPEKuqk=266) We all need to draw healthy boundaries. Here’s how to set and enforce them the right way. [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-set-boundaries%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/niSXmd8UiMGByaQSGjqy2K8csKY=266) TIPS AND TRICKS Feel Like You and Your Partner are Speaking Different Languages? Try This Tactic “Couples often discuss how their partners do not hear them accurately,” says psychologist Michelle Goldman. “When we feel unheard or feel like our words are being manipulated, we can easily become [defensive](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fthe-secret-to-talking-to-someone-who-always-gets-defensive%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/KE0m2QC_0KiNH9hcqOuibly93q0=266). Sometimes it feels like we have to nag our partner for anything to change; sometimes we feel like we’re being nagged.” So, what can you do? A tactic to try: Get in the habit of reflecting back to your partner what it is they’re saying. Let them know that you heard them and give them a chance to let you know if you heard it or processed it correctly. Goldman offers an example: “If one partner says, ‘I’m up against a deadline, I have no idea what time I’m going to be home tonight, eat dinner without me,’ the other partner can say, ‘So it sounds like you aren’t sure what time you’re going to be home because of work, I should eat without you and you’ll worry about your own dinner. Is that right?’” While it may feel strange, this allows the first person to know that you heard them and restate it if anything got lost in translation. FURTHER READING - [The Right Way to Tell Your Partner Something They Don’t Want to Hear](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fthe-right-way-to-tell-your-partner-something-they-dont-want-to-hear%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/8hTi12Y7P5dTaOuzdC195xSCySI=266) - ​​​​​[7 Marriage Issues Therapists Are Seeing Right Now](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fmarriage-issues-couples-right-now-advice%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/xFV9FIU8GXzqcj-xBAjJ3bPFyr8=266) - [The Secret to Happy Marriage Is Boundaries](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-maintain-self-respect-in-marriage%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/kDuN_L1mTI75Czo-CqC0TqOXRYM=266) TALKIN’ POPS %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fdan-fogler-interview-harry-potter-fantastic-beasts-daughters-the-offer%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/-Oah6N2KvHzP4sEXHLkztZ4u5GM=266 [Dan Fogler On Playing a ‘Godfather’ Legend and Keeping the Potterverse Fun](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fdan-fogler-interview-harry-potter-fantastic-beasts-daughters-the-offer%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/hxcqkCUsW8TuKBOd6EWb6CFE4_U=266) The actor reveals how meaningful it was to [relive the excitement of the Harry Potter books through his daughters' eyes.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fdan-fogler-interview-harry-potter-fantastic-beasts-daughters-the-offer%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/5dbrpR3JwN-kKk_mo85whjBylHc=266) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fdan-fogler-interview-harry-potter-fantastic-beasts-daughters-the-offer%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/YgG2bJK0G8NE3deOb1RhWxgFzjo=266) WORK %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-tell-your-boss-you-have-too-much-work%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/QjWB3LwS_8UYC0lmu2IlM-Vm8Ts=266 [How to Tell Your Boss You Have Too Much Work](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-tell-your-boss-you-have-too-much-work%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/eNFktz9mVtlaDJA4rpcIcU4hSEA=266) Because you need to say more than, “[Um, hey boss, what the hell?”](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-tell-your-boss-you-have-too-much-work%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/TvwwD2ENNPUu1Rk2yWdH7OAa7ec=266) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-tell-your-boss-you-have-too-much-work%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/fZdoZaqtUvklfnG0yVYE9Uf5YwE=266) FURTHER READING - [7 Important Questions to Ask Before You Quit Your Job](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fshould-i-quit-my-job-questions-to-ask%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/q2jnjoQHKycynW4S3DGzDv_ZKBg=266) - ​​​​​[How to Stand Out When You’re Working Remotely](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fworking-remotely-advice-ways-to-stand-out%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/bh2hBrq8eaTE91b5pHwSo-bPu9U=266) - [Want People to Actually Listen to You? Do This.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-get-people-to-actually-listen-to-what-youre-saying%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/8sSW2BAouaf0ZP7dlxBw3LLEhv4=266) STYLE %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fbest-knit-polo-shirts%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/2lB-1Cj98fIMrKqIvKha_skZGFc=266 [7 Great Knit Polo Shirts to Wear Right Now](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fbest-knit-polo-shirts%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/wVpk0G2ZxcM891W20tpL_DD1Wbo=266) The throwback shirt is back in. [Here are a few of our favorites](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fbest-knit-polo-shirts%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/g_ZL_8YOojNEC5gGVrkCBt2q3Hk=266). [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fbest-knit-polo-shirts%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/zurqG97PfymhpQKPRgBkj-N-JAQ=266) JOKES %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fbest-dad-jokes-for-easter-for-kids%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/SRagfTYNorKYVe_6A_nePzsS-dM=266 [The Best Easter Jokes for Kids](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fbest-dad-jokes-for-easter-for-kids%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/VqCPq12RZvah6VKDd2APXHPQblg=266) Running dangerously low on dad jokes about Easter eggs and bunnies? [We've got you.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fbest-dad-jokes-for-easter-for-kids%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/9dxN419AlLDjzSEab9w58WRUXg0=266) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fbest-dad-jokes-for-easter-for-kids%2F%3Futm_campaign=27066%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/01000180390944cd-6b170888-24be-4252-b7f8-5d759975be50-000000/PXj1VHHO4U86T_u59nH2BN2WgIc=266) You're receiving this email because you signed up to receive communications from BDG Media. 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