What I Wish I Knew About My Partner Before Having Kids

You’ll Need $5200 More This Year to Live the Exact Same Life [Fatherly](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/TaWN5VB-pspI__mngIo6pzEROWY=265) What do you wish you knew about your partner before having kids? It’s a good question to ask, especially if you’re just starting to build your family. Posed to those who are knee-deep in parenting, the question reveals insight into areas of contention that might’ve been avoided if conversations were had earlier. And, as it’s easy to assume you know everything about your partner, the question can also help further shade them in. Understanding their thoughts about, say, discipline, family boundaries, and how their specific strengths and weaknesses slot into yours might not seem like things Present You need to know. But Future You, who has some more miles on the odometer? He’ll damn well appreciate it SELF %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fwhat-i-wish-i-knew-about-my-partner-before-having-kids%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/KuM5ROK_PqEYPpLq9npQ15JLZfE=265 [What I Wish I Knew About My Partner Before Having Kids, according to 12 Men](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fwhat-i-wish-i-knew-about-my-partner-before-having-kids%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/uVj7PBnC137MLhJ6cBcICaHhMfc=265) As experienced fathers can attest, [asking these questions early will help you both in the long run.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fwhat-i-wish-i-knew-about-my-partner-before-having-kids%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/waOWm1g3tfcctsT0A4-_QnL_sZg=265) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fwhat-i-wish-i-knew-about-my-partner-before-having-kids%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/1Ez0DrOtvH2_ZnqNJKCk9xQgrag=265) TIPS AND TRICKS Ask Your Partner About What Brought Them Joy as a Child When we asked a variety of relationship experts what questions the average person should know about their partner, this was a big one. Whether it was trips to the beach or board games, there’s a strong pull to continue them. “The past will show up in the present,” says Nedra Fetterman, a psychologist in Ardmore, Pennsylvania. “We tend to repeat what’s comfortable and familiar.” But you also want to answer the flip-side question, “What brought pain?” It could be overnight camp or long car rides, but the answer reveals trigger points and shame, and kids develop survival strategies like withdrawing, blaming, or looking to please. These are also helpful to know. Now, when asking such things, you don’t want to unnecessarily “step on that hot point,” as Michael S. Bishop, marriage and family therapist in Austin. But your spouse’s feelings could be interfering with the present. So rather than say, “Get over it,” go with, “I understand how hard it is, but we still need to …” Fetterman calls it the “Texas two-step.” By showing both empathy and boundaries, you’re offering strength and support. [Here are a few more questions you should be able to answer about your partner.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fquestions-about-partner-you-should-be-able-to-answer%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/N9htAW2W3cnqA2wi2oPTDFkMrGg=265) FURTHER READING - [9 Questions to Ask Your Partner About Who You Are as a Husband](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fquestions-to-ask-your-partner-about-yourself%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/mbN_mADVBlx0DEer_Mbnx9ud2hU=265) - ​​​​​[The Relationship Check-In is a Vital Part of a Marriage. Here’s How to Do it Right.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Frelationship-check-in-advice%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/g035DCDJvqxOKTMP9JavIawjqDE=265) - [How to Ask Someone to Make a Big Change](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fask-someone-to-make-a-change-best-way%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/-6lNbZBsvo4_hXBT3l1-mhHbWdo=265) MONEY %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fnews%2Finflation-rates-americans-budget%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/fFSmP8Ys_qN0y9goQ024Q_bGr_c=265 [You’ll Need $5200 More This Year to Live the Exact Same Life](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fnews%2Finflation-rates-americans-budget%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/E0CtTT2kPWJ4KCj4z-qBDWWm4Sc=265) Economists have estimated that the average U.S. household will be forced to spend $433 more a month this year [for the same things they bought in 2021.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fnews%2Finflation-rates-americans-budget%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/_MNMiJFEj51hVZbS6PK8L9aa2G8=265) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fnews%2Finflation-rates-americans-budget%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/TpL5aEnoW3mDvuE_E9_1j0WVzZY=265) PARENTING %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fpotty-training-at-night%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/w6BUmls7TU8x8AJ-UZ2yjx66QGU=265 [How to Succeed at Nighttime Potty Training](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fpotty-training-at-night%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/D-hV13sXCT1RiDcRyjaCK0NNTos=265) [Here’s what to remember.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fpotty-training-at-night%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/r5yVERWFmn64rbbDqtoFNrLZK0o=265) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fpotty-training-at-night%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/2sPgpvEUpTBURXavm8YnBioTg_o=265) FURTHER READING - [What to Do When Potty Training Won’t Catch On](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fwhen-are-potty-training-problems-serious-stress%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/iJt5vt5_HctBqZsiiIgQoKeXxTc=265) - ​​​​​[The Definitive Guide to Potty Training Your Kid](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fthe-definitive-guide-to-potty-training-your-kid%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/aG059CEa0JpLnfj69t0JdLZtTa0=265) - [5 Harsh Truths About Potty Training](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2F5-harsh-truths-about-potty-training%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/oY8mh8jlPMcqu2KB70p5YVK2pBs=265) TV %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fjerrod-carmichael-saturday-night-live-funniest-moments%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/n6Py9up8ecGb9fv7V9OSmA3YY5M=265 [“Short Ass Movies” and the Best Sketches From Jerrod Carmichael’s ‘SNL’](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fjerrod-carmichael-saturday-night-live-funniest-moments%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/WYGYFROVhzdorbipCPvFo6OSoF4=265) From baby clothes to "The Slap," here are the funniest bits [from the most recent 'Saturday Night Live.'](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fjerrod-carmichael-saturday-night-live-funniest-moments%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/79WwBmo8bLdVi3_YiyTdmc6BQd4=265) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fjerrod-carmichael-saturday-night-live-funniest-moments%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/2-H4Bqfza3PGm-n3oaDWmH3uvnc=265) GEAR %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fthis-rolex-first-might-be-the-companys-most-radical-release-ever%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/js6VakbWnFzZkbmQfIM_mbq8cF4=265 [This Rolex First Might Be the Company’s Most Radical Release Ever](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fthis-rolex-first-might-be-the-companys-most-radical-release-ever%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/2tYE21EZ_RuZ15QT-Z8Mzbp13Ts=265) The new GMT-Master II has one very seemingly simple trick — [but the design is anything but.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fthis-rolex-first-might-be-the-companys-most-radical-release-ever%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/EnqU58wm0I2HxhjO_xtklpzyxTU=265) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fthis-rolex-first-might-be-the-companys-most-radical-release-ever%2F%3Futm_campaign=26017%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/0100017ffb426fb8-970b2d5a-d216-41fb-974f-329258301e23-000000/m31PzEvVIfJ262ocAgfCBDWFX_g=265) You're receiving this email because you signed up to receive communications from BDG Media. 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