How to Teach a Kid to Apologize — And Mean It

Seth Meyers Wants Us All to Have More Fun with Our Kids [Fatherly](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/_CgNgKyVw-aT6-H7rkAqm8i21IM=262) Making kids apologize to each other is a familiar script to any parent: “Tell Billy you’re sorry you hit him!” But anyone who’s witnessed a child’s forced apology would be hard-pressed to find it meaningful. Teaching kids what it means to forgive someone — and to sincerely apologize to and seek forgiveness themselves — is a crucial life skill, even if it’s hard to come by. Fortunately, there are ways adults can facilitate forgiveness — namely by helping kids develop a theory of mind, then learning how to use it. Along the way, they’ll also learn the key to making their own sincere apologies, because you can’t give a good apology without understanding forgiveness. PARENTING %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fteach-kid-sincerely-apologize-how-to%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/XTRNDMSoS0xPHGdrZbKCltkeCr0=262 [How to Teach a Kid to Apologize — And Mean It](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fteach-kid-sincerely-apologize-how-to%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/Ey7aXJBYZJGknVm_Zr0ZJUQ4uDM=262) Sure, you can make your kids apologize to each other. [But teaching them true forgiveness requires more than an "I'm sorry."](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fteach-kid-sincerely-apologize-how-to%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/7lSTpIaItfZ5fW3OIn7OebvXPy8=262) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fteach-kid-sincerely-apologize-how-to%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/FKVEGefFXEm81QFpCzsUp0vX5i8=262) TIPS AND TRICKS The Importance of Apologizing to Your Kids “What we’re doing as parents is teaching kids how to be good human beings,” says Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. “It doesn’t happen through lectures, but what they actually experience.” Dr. Markham explains that when a kid has a parent that never apologizes, they’re likely to conclude that apologies are unimportant. And that learning sticks, even if a parent consistently insists that their child apologizes to siblings or a friend. A sorry-less parent shows by example that apologizing causes a person to lose status or prestige. Kids, in turn, learn that sorries are a bad thing. “By modeling an apology we’re saying one of the most meaningful things in life is your connection with other humans with whom you share a bond of love,” she says. But parents screw up all the time. If they’re not stumble-bumming around and breaking toys, they’re forgetting to read a story, or leaving the juice in the kitchen, or forgetting to buy more goldfish crackers. Apologizing for all of those things would be pretty exhausting. It’s not necessary, but Markham suggests that it might be the easiest approach. “In fact, I would advocate for apologizing for small things so it feels less loaded,” she explains. Still, Dr. Markham notes that apologies don’t have to be some heartfelt, eye-to-eye concession full of weight and portent. In fact, it only has to be three words: “Oops, I’m sorry.” [Unapologetic parents raise unapologetic kids. Here’s how to apologize to your kid when you make a mistake.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fhow-to-apologize-to-a-child-parenting%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/U0pXXD71U3Yhzzb_cwk-kO-9sZY=262) FURTHER READING - [How to Apologize: The 6 Steps to the Perfect Apology](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-apologize-the-6-steps-of-the-perfect-apology%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/fJspX4JoqgOXmkcPpzqI1zoi-Ao=262) - ​​​​​[What to Know About Forcing Children to Say Sorry](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fparenting%2Fforcing-kids-say-sorry%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/W7DCdIeLgKT9XvqK6SIp0wO4mAg=262) - [How to Forgive Someone, According to 3 Forgiveness Experts](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-forgive-someone%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/ICJet3BtnKD5vafwkC5lnGWuRxw=262) TALKING POPS %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fseth-meyers-interview-im-not-scared-youre-scared-kids-book%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/Zcp-QUIfF1IPMl87mxgaviPWTD0=262 [Seth Meyers Wants Us All to Have More Fun with Our Kids](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fseth-meyers-interview-im-not-scared-youre-scared-kids-book%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/kNVfGA_xOjjwSlT2EN2zvPlAz34=262) "The good news about having kids is [they're going to remember your day-to-day focus on them."](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fseth-meyers-interview-im-not-scared-youre-scared-kids-book%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/E2BXHBYLTtR5AG7bI8U0uKBQlLw=262) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fplay%2Fseth-meyers-interview-im-not-scared-youre-scared-kids-book%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/58grHNKmHVNa5xXieaxOYHtbwrk=262) SELF %2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-recognize-if-you-have-an-ego-problem%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/1/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/WpjDwIFtD2miDZDTkYsDd_vB6gA=262 [Do You Have an Ego Problem?](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-recognize-if-you-have-an-ego-problem%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/2/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/PCCO-nedkAYti-sV9h8VxUfUuyo=262) While they may seem similar, confidence and egotism are fundamentally different — [and that difference is crucial to remember.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-recognize-if-you-have-an-ego-problem%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/SEL7IDP5Tv1pV42wns5gPAa2Y4I=262) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Flove-money%2Fhow-to-recognize-if-you-have-an-ego-problem%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/bHffhTBvVZevyu1e7Hz71GTfjO4=262) FURTHER READING - 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Here are eight options to consider.](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fbest-harrington-jacket%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/3/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/ZWDbR47PMC_rXilnB2cPox-zRio=262) [READ THE STORY](%2F%2Fwww.fatherly.com%2Fgear%2Fbest-harrington-jacket%2F%3Futm_campaign=24470%26utm_medium=fatherlyDaily%26utm_source=newsletter%26utm_session=c37e7b32-5b18-4c2b-a3ac-adb88aa64d4e/4/0100017fa8d7be77-f5578ad1-e80d-4777-b97c-c2adc0b4dedf-000000/UlyrFwnqT6tsyX4_rSbHK5b7DWo=262) You're receiving this email because you signed up to receive communications from BDG Media. 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