This Is the Number One Secret to Arguing Well In a Relationship

Plus, Is Smoking Weed While Breastfeeding Safe? [Fatherly_Seahorse]( Pick your battles. Choose your battles wisely. However worded, this is solid advice. It keeps you in line and out of confrontations with your spouse, a coworker, a family member — whomever. The point is clear: Be selective. Don’t waste your time on energy on every minor irksome issue. But there’s also another implicit message that comes along with it: Not now. Not this one. Let it go. But a common problem to face is that you decide to let this one go, and the next one, and the next one until, eventually, you let everything go. That leads to resentment and other not-so-fun feelings. Understanding what to bring up — and when — is as important as understanding what to let go. LOVE [19article1]( [The Art of Picking Your Battles]( Understanding what to bring up — and when — [is as important as understanding what to let go.]( [READ THE STORY]( TIPS AND TRICKS Annoyed That Your Partner Never Follows Through? Try This Approach. You want to find a time where you can talk and listen, which can be hard when you have young kids, but you need privacy where no one feels being watched. Instead of asking, “Do you have time to talk?” ask, “Would you be willing to have this conversation?” It’s a different approach and stresses the desire to really hear each other. Then you have to come with more than anger and frustration. That gets people defensive and, “You’re off and running and here we are fighting again.” Be clear and calmly say, “When you don’t follow through, I feel …” and find those softer feelings, like sadness or fear, which are always underneath. It makes it less about the incident and more about what it creates in you, and that has a better chance of being heard. But also say, “I’m curious about what’s going on. Can you tell me?” and listen to your partner’s take. It might be, “I didn’t realize it was so important,” or, “When you ask me to do something, I’m doing four other things.” It gives useful information, but you want to propose, “I know this might be a stretch, but this week could you take care of …” You’ve made it specific, doable and everyone has had their say. “That makes all the difference in the world.” — Pam Monday, marriage and family therapist in Austin, Texas Here is some more advice from therapists about what to do [when your partner never follows through.]( WE WROTE A BOOK! [5article2]( [Be The First to Read ‘Fatherhood’]( Where’s the road map for new parents? Glad you asked! Fatherhood, by the editors of Fatherly, is a comprehensive parenting guide that walks dads through everything they need to know over the course of the first year of a baby’s life and beyond. It’s full of practical tips (everything you need), as well as work-life balance guidance (this is crucial), relationship advice (doubly crucial!), and as well as tons of expert-driven analysis that will help guide parents through a truly disorienting time. Pre-order it now and get the first copies on November 9. [BUY NOW]( HEALTH & SCIENCE [19article3]( [Is Smoking Weed While Breastfeeding Safe? A New Study Offers Some Surprises]( Experts caution against it. But a new study finds that for early preterm babies, [there are no short-term risks.]( [READ THE STORY]( TIPS AND TRICKS So, How Long Does Weed Stay in Your System? After you use [marijuana]( your body has to break down THC, the active ingredient. THC gets into the bloodstream and is temporarily stored in fat and organs, according to Healthline. Long after you come down from your high, the liver has to process the THC and break it into metabolites, which is what drug tests detect. Because THC binds to fat, it takes longer for traces of marijuana to leave the body than other drugs such as alcohol. This is how long THC metabolites can be detected in different parts of the body, according to Medical News Today: Blood: 3-4 hours Saliva: 1-3 days Urine: 3-30 days Hair: Up to 90 days The exact amount of time it takes for marijuana to leave your system varies from person to person. Age, sex, and BMI all affect how fast you can metabolize THC. Chronic use, higher doses, more potent strains, and eating edibles rather than smoking marijuana can all increase the length of time it’s [detectable in your body.]( PLAY [19article4]( [Why ‘Ada Twist’ Is Our New Favorite Netflix Show for Kids]( [Science for the win!]( [READ THE STORY]( TALK TO US Have a question? Comment? Want to tell us a no-good terrible story? Or a helpful parenting tip? We want to hear from you (and yes, we may publish your response in an article or forthcoming newsletter). Send your thoughts to [hello@fatherly.com](mailto:hello@fatherly.com?subject=Fatherly%20Newsletter%20Feedback). [FATHERLY_LOGO]( [FB]( [IG]( [Twitter]( [View this email in your browser]( Some Spider Studios 20 W 22nd St Floor 3 New York, NY 10010-5858 You can [manage your preferences or unsubscribe]( here. Copyright © 2021 Some Spider, All rights reserved. [Link](