It's Not You, It's Me

When we want kids to understand that our stressed-out reaction to their shenanigans aren’t made from anger, “It’s not you, it’s me,” can be a lifeline December 17, 2020 Today's Issue: How to Tell Your Kid You're Stressed out Here's the right way to tell your kid [you're stressed out.]( We found [the 14 best Christmas movies on Netflix]( right now. Every parent needs to read [this end-of-year financial checklist.]( This is the time management strategy [every parent needs to try.]( Amazon devices [are seriously marked down right now.]( These are [the best gifts of 2020]( for extraordinarily vain fathers. “It’s not you, it’s me.” What a dreaded phrase. In most contexts, it’s a condescending platitude used to end relationships “gently.” Though, in truth, most everyone who’s heard it has felt devastated and helpless. But there’s another context where the phrase can actually build relationships rather than end them: Parenting. When we want kids to understand that our stressed-out reaction to their shenanigans aren’t made from anger, “It’s not you, it’s me,” can be a lifeline. As long as we own it and work to make amends. Helping kids develop an emotional vocabulary — to name and understand feelings — is something parents need to emphasize. A big part of that is being honest about your own feelings. Kids take a lot in. They can see a mad face and hear the loud work call or the argument you had with your partner. It can make them worry and wonder if they’re the cause. It’s your job to reassure them that everything is okay. If stress makes you snap, your first move is to apologize, followed with something along the lines of, “That was not a productive response.” Once you’ve owned your behavior, it’s time to put a name on your feelings. Use small words; ones your kids might understand. You can say, “I was a little worried, upset, or grouchy” — they may not understand ‘stress’ – but labeling helps them connect emotion and response. It’s also important to link your world to theirs. “You know how you can’t see your friends? I can’t either. You don’t get to go to gymnastics? I don’t get to go to the gym. It gets me frustrated.” In other words? “It’s not you. It’s me.” [tell-child-youre-stressed]( Love & Money [Feeling Overwhelmed? Here’s The Right Way to Tell a Child That You’re Stressed]( Being honest about your emotional state is a good thing. But there's a right way to let a child know how you're feeling. [Read More]( ADVERTISEMENT [Learn more about RevenueStripe...]( [netflix-christmas-movies]( Play [The 14 Best Christmas Movies on Netflix Right Now]( This is just the good stuff. [Read More]( [financial-tips-for-families]( Love & Money [An End-of Year Financial Checklist for Parents: 10 Moves to Make Before 2020 Ends]( 2020 was a hellish ride. Failing to clean up your finances and make smart tax moves will only make it worse. [Read More]( [timeboxing-header]( Love & MOney [The Time Management Tactic All Parents Need to Know]( It's simple but wildly effective. Here's how to make it work for you. [Read More]( [amazon-sale-header]( Gear [Amazon Alexa Devices Are Seriously Marked Down Right Now]( Save big money on tech during Amazon's end-of-year sale. [Read More]( [vainman-gifts-header]( Gear [The Best Gifts for Extraordinarily Vain Fathers]( Loving a child doesn't mean he stops loving himself. [Read More]( ADVERTISEMENT [Learn more about RevenueStripe...]( ADVERTISEMENT [Learn more about RevenueStripe...]( Not subscribed to Fatherly? [Sign up here](. [ADVERTISE WITH US 394 Broadway, 2nd Floor | New York, NY 10013]( Add today@mail.fatherly.com to your safe-sender list so our emails get to your inbox. [Manage Email Preferences]( [|]( [View in browser](