Fark NotNewsletter: Superb Owl Game is Over

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1708022642-50228-15143 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [(3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: _______________________= _ Hey everyone hope your week's been well. Happy Valentine's Day= to those who celebrate. Which based on the current cycle appears to = be hardly anyone. I think I've seen the largest number of articles ab= out people quitting dating apps, bailing on Valentines Day altogether, and = an all-new news cycle meme of people deciding it's better to date an AI ins= tead. On the other hand I'm not really sure what a pro-Valentine's d= ay article would look like. If you're a [TotalFarker](3D" [BareFarker](3D" can totally skip this ne= xt paragraph because it doesn't apply to you since one of the perks is you = don't see ads. Also this is long and inside baseball but I figure it'= s worth explaining because, well, it's dumb. And funny. But mos= tly dumb. And it's about political advertising. --- As yo= u may be aware 2024 is a US Presidential Election year. Thanks to Cit= izen's United, corporations are now people that can spend unlimited money o= n campaigns in the name of free speech. I don't agree with it, but th= ey didn't let us vote on that one. Anyhow, we have a couple ad networ= ks saying that if publishers would like to suck up some of those sweet, oft= en misspent and badly managed campaign contributions, we have to allow poli= tical ads early. Like now. Why? They don't say. = We don't currently allow political ads on Fark. It's true that so= me slip through the cracks now and then, but that's because Google, whose o= ne main revenue stream is advertising revenue, for some reason sucks at the= one thing they make money off of and doesn't see the need to carve out a b= illion in profit to invest in much-needed long-overdue quality control.&nbs= p; I can't explain why this is, if I was in charge of Google I'd do it.&nbs= p; I feel like the fact that they don't do it is how you know they're a pla= tform monopoly. But I digress. A quick primer on how digital = ads work on Fark - 99% of the ads that get served are not direct deals w= ith the advertiser. Ad buyers buy from google and other exchanges, eve= rything gets thrown into a giant bucket, and the highest bidder wins.  = ; We have no contact with them. Additionally we have no insight on wh= y Google chooses to target certain people with certain ads. If you lo= ok up your Google profile you can see it on there somewhere. Sometime= s they get the targeting badly wrong. In particular, during an electi= on year, they can end up targeting people who will never ever vote for a pa= rticular candidate. I have no insight into why this ever happens, it = seems fixable to me. Anyhow, If you are not a subscriber and you f= ind yourself targeted by an ad that doesn't align with your political prefe= rence, rest assured that this is completely wasted ad spending on the part = of the campaign and that we here at Fark will use that revenue to keep the = lights on. In fact if you really wanted to screw a campaign, you'd fin= d some way to mess their targeting up so they spend tons of money wasting i= t reaching out to people whose votes they'll never get. Part of the reason we need these advertisers is, quite frankly, they're du= mb. They bid too high for inventory because they have too much money = and they don't care. This however has the additional positive effect = for Fark that all other advertisers must raise bids to beat these uncareful= buyers - giving us more money. So it's not just that we need the pol= itical ad revenue, it's that we need their bidding in the system. &nbs= p; Hope that all makes sense. Advertising is my least favorite part= of running a website. If it was up to me, 100% of the audience would= subscribe to [TotalFark=](3D"=)and we'd get rid of ads entirely. Everybody wins. --- Thursday 4pm it's this week's edition of the [Fark News Livestream](3D"). I -think- everyone's back, we'll see at g= ame time how that looks. We'll have a brief SuperBowl roundup followe= d by a return to a story I've been keeping an eye on that I'd -thought- had= gone away but did not. We'll have a little lesson in how to spot an = impending invasion and how none of the mainstream media conventional boogey= men currently qualify - except for this one group no one's talking about.&n= bsp; Then we'll veer of into a bunch of weird animal stories because that's= the news cycle we have this week once you factor out politics and Valentin= e's Day. Anyhow there's some good stuff to be had - hope you can join= us. ________________________ End Drew transmission ________________________ Top Interactions Some of the best i= nteractions from the past week. Do note: this takes priority over b= eing placed in "top comments." - Superb owls flocked to [This Superbowl = Thread](3D") - Znuh [couldn't believe t= hat basic anti-rust precautions weren't included by default. Farkers respon= ded.](3D") - [Farkers advised](3D"https:=) E.S.Q. [on sever= al impractical ways to de-rust a knife.](3D") - In [This Thread](3D") : = Farkers fear indoor pool, love indoor steering wheel. - = here to help and co. [discussed how it's weird that we don't alwa= ys capitalize acronyms.](=3D" - dark brew and Driver [almost simulposted the same thing. Like two drones pa= ssing in the night.](3D"https:/=) To= p Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comme= nts from the past week. If your post isn't here, assume that Not= NewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline. (The [Smartest](3D") and [Funniest](3D") for the past mon= th are found elsewhere.) Funny: - Marti= an_Astronomer [told a tale of classic assumptions about Millennial= s.](3D"https=) - Merltech [encountered a ghost with hug= e tracts of land.](3D" - Shostie [disproved the = 'Pinnochio' theory.](3D") - talkertopc [warned of= a far less likely antichrist.](3D") - The_Sponge= [recommended King Chuck's coffin be carried in a 'Chuck Wagon' - you know= , like the dog food ad.](3D") Smart: - Ma= ker_of_Roads [has one simple reason they'll never rely on a fully-= digital wallet.](3D"https:=) - snowblur [spotted another= orphan-crushing machine.](3D") - Bandito King [(= When talking about potent drugs): "At what point do you just admit you've m= ade a poison?"](3D") - Badmoodman [knows what "hi= dden treasures" mean when being sold a house.](3D") - Bene= volent Misanthrope [has some great advice for people trying to get= back to college.](3D"=) - lilplatinum [shared tha= t, yes, this mega church is just an old stadium.](3D") [Politics](3D" Politics Funny: - Comic Book Guy = realized there's more than one option for a presidential assassin if presid= ential immunity's signed into law. - here to help= trong> [wonders what actually happened at the super bowl. ()check replies o= n page 2 - holy shiat guys chill](3D") - redmid17= [knows how to deal with unpleasant super bowl couchguests.](3D") (Bonus: Raslanl's [images of the Nickelodeon feed.](3D"htt=)) - = Redh8t [had a completely ridiculous comeback.](3D"http=) -&n= bsp; I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That [did indeed have a= Bo Burnham gif for that.](3D") Politics Smart: - = Gin Buddy [is fairly sure this prosecutor's already writt= en the required response.](3D"=) - Ker_Thwap [migh= t know why SNL was funnier when you're a kid.](3D") - Mr. = Coffee Nerves [can't wait to see what jailbreak plans Florida Men = will come up with.](3D"https=) Monkey's Pick I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even though they d= idn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics. Funny: - AlwaysRightBoy [(announcer voi= ce) WHAT A COMEBACK!](3D") - 433 [: "Thank you thi= s time, Delaware."](3D") - covfefe [is winning at= Fark.](3D") - Aardvark Inc. [unearthed an amus= ing retelling of a Tomb of Horrors session.](3D") Smart: = - vudukungu [has a novel anti-mugging technique: g= ive them a fake wallet.](3D" - [Ever wonder where the chemotherapy= chemicals come from?](3D" UberSmyth [knows.](3D" -&nb= sp; wildcardjack gave financial advice. It's on Fark, s= o it's probably not great, but the 'cook for the group' bit rings true.= - Russ1642 [recommends you expose your childre= n to peanuts early. Not the other thing.](3D" - bigdanc= strong> [nicely spotted - 'which one's evidence-based?'](3D"=) - = elaw [shared a church policy that a certain Martin Luther with his= 95 Theses would have an issue with.](3D"=) - UberSmyth= rong> [knows when to spring for avocado.](3D") [CSB](3D" Morning theme - " Adventures in Moving" This week, Farkers= were prompted to share their moving adventures. (As an aside, we r= eally do need a word for 'moving your place of residence from one place to = another. "Moving" is too darn vague.) [Funny](3D"): - ne= ofonz [moved back into the same old house. Twice.](3D"=) - = chewd [surprised a friend by ensuring they were already p= acked and moved.](3D"http=) - The moving company Flowery= Twats ['s family hired packed literally everything they could.](3D".=)= - Tyrosine [knows why you're nice to the dude = you want to help you move.](3D" - Maybe you should drive [rented a room from an incredibly nosy stranger.](3D"=) Smart: = > - The Pope of Manwich Village [moved his old = dad to save him, ended up saving more lives as he drove through a blizzard.=](3D") - Don Cherry's tailor [knows how to have= a hassle-free move.](3D") - BizarreMan ['s stuff = was probably stolen by the moving company. Probably.](3D") - Someone Else's Alt [helped get someone out of a domestic viole= nce situation.](=3D" Top Con= test Entries Some of the top-voted [contest](3D" entries from last week. As always, everybo= dy gets one - and they're sorted by how likely they are to still be open. [Pho= toshops](3D"https://w=) : We had several Photoshoppers this week I ha= dn't seen before! Welcome / welcome back! - Surly U. Jes= t [ah yes, a Mun monolith.](3D".=) - Autoerotic Defenestrati= on [went wading in the water.](3D"=) - payattention= trong> [tripped this wet commuter.](3D") - Bumcheese= ng> [was run over.](3D") - pocketgoose [snuck int= o this mansion with a portal gun. Isn't that a fire risk or something?](3D") - Mock26 [knows there's no stairway to heaven. - jimmybat](3D" come pick me up"](3D" And the rest! - Stephen_Falken [caught a Die= Hard ventilation traverser.](3D") - west.la.lawyer= g> [spotted the grade of aircraft marshall that private planes get.](3D") = - Yammering_Splat_Vector [offered the Joker an int= erview.](3D" - Thoaar [thinks this doohickey ca= n be used as a drum set.](3D" - opalakea [made h= imself a companion for those long discussions.](3D") - I_A= m_Weasel [was paid the big bucks to take a super bowl ad into real= life.](3D"=) - samsquatch [knows how this balanc= ing act went.](3D" - RedZoneTuba [yep, all that = melted ice goes straight here.](3D") - Driver [cl= aimed the moon for Mars.](3D") - Thrakkorzog [thi= s municipal worker knows how to survive the Fire Swamp.](3D") - p51d007 [fell into the Flintstones' living room.](3D"https=) -&= nbsp; Octafrye [wishes their neighbors would remember to c= lose the backyard door.](=3D" - EvaDewer [cheated= at Quidditch.](3D") - jagermurray [found this pi= per a band.](3D") - damat01 [is reconsidering the= ir stylish Oreo hat.](3D" - steklo [chose the wr= ong spot to set up their instant lake.](3D") - [BONUS!](3D") Thoaar [fused the worlds of two Photoshop contests](3D"=) (make sur= e to scroll down to see the whole thing) - Herb Utsmelz [oh no their tears are enough to allow them to reach further inlan= d.](3D"=) - samthecamel [saw a UFO reclaim alien = agents.](3D" - FirstDennis [kept to their exerci= se regime, even in space.](3D" - patowen [forgot= how to paddle.](3D") - Mr. Shabooboo [tested a h= ighly advanced COVID scanner.](3D") [Captions](3D" : " [Capt= ion this superb celebrity sighting](3D")" - OtherLittleGuy= ong> [knows when the end times will come.](3D") - jamspoon= ng> [is panicking about potentially not getting the photo.](3D") " [Ca= ption this romp of river otters](3D")" - markie_farkie= [uttered six words that would change their life forever.](3D") - Gordon Bennett [knows what you oughta know.](3D"ht=) " [Captio= n these perched cotton balls](3D")" - RedZoneTuba [obse= rved the majestic Peeps tree](3D"). - dionysusaur [wishe= s Kevin would stop trying to look below.](3D") " [Caption this consu= ltation](3D")" - Walker [knows the construction worker = code.](3D" - Klippoklondike [wondered why they kept en= countering such poorly-designed hospitals.](3D" " [Caption these fe= stivalgoers](3D")" - RedZoneTuba [ah yes, "tourists".= a> - Petey4335 completed djspiffymcdoo= g> ['s call-and-response. You know the one.](3D") [Farktography theme= >](3D") : " [Black and Blue](3D"https://=)" This week, Farkers were challen= ged to show us photos of black and/or blue subjects. (And please - don't se= nd us pictures of your bruises.) - Lovesandwich= [took a photo out in the twilight.](3D") - common sense = is an oxymoron [caught a blue jay(walker) in the middle of litteri= ng.](3D"http=) - Elsinore [got blue balls for Christma= s.](3D" - All Latest [observed a city(?) from = afar.](3D" [Upcoming Fark Parties](3D"https=) It= 's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're effectively saying that "I'm goin= g to be here at this time, come hang out." [Submit one!](3D" [Monday, April 8, 2024, Total eclipse of t= he Sun Fark Party at Noon. Buffalo Small Boat Harbor](3D=) [(2 Months To Go!)](3D"ht=) Fark Headlines of the Week A selection of some of the top headlines from last week. [Tractor-trailer spills load of Vicks VapoRub, humidif= iers all over road. Somehow traffic remains congested](3D") [Pri= nce William seen measuring the drapes](3D") [Collector pays £18,000 for Churchill's false teeth, warns= detractors he will bite them on the features](3D") ["You can check out any time you like, but you can = never leave"](3D") [Royal Navy forced to pull Queen Elizabeth ou= t of largest NATO exercise since the Cold War due to rusty shaft, which see= ms like some sort of euphemism](3D"ht=) [Rare 2000-year-old Roman funerary bed found in L= ondon. But just imagine the looks on their faces 2000 years from now when a= rchaeologists dig up a KISS Kasket](3D") [Man nearly licked to= death by his pet chihuahua, probably won't use so much peanut butter next = time](3D") [Surfers suffe= red the largest number of shark attacks world-wide last year, with swimmers= and waders a close second and people who just sit on the internet all day = still at zero](3D"=) Fark We= ird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy= ong>) Another fun time on the Quiz last week, where we learned to not sh= ow pictures, descriptions, or accounts of Michelangelo's David without the = express written permission of the NFL, Or Italy, Or something. On the Quiz = itself, The Third Man came out on top with 944, followed b= y jaycharms in second with 943 and Min= orThreat1 in third with 939. Tax Boy made f= ourth with 938, and supareedy made it into the top f= ive with 934. The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz = was about Zoozve, Only 25% of quiztakers knew that thanks to the lobbying o= f a Radiolab host who happened to own a poster with a mistake on it, t= he International Astronomical Union has bestowed the name upon a pseudomoon= of Venus. [The actu= al story](3D".=) is rather fascinating and a good exploration of what mediocre = things can be accomplished when you're really, really determined about some= thing that most people (including the guy who discovered it) really don't c= are one way or another about. The easiest question on last week's = Hard Quiz was about what a man in Fayetteville, AR had in his possession th= at led to him being charged with production of ricin. 89% of quiztakers kne= w that the deadly poison was extracted from the castor bean, the same bean = that gives us the castor oil from the "Barf-O-Rama" scene in "Stand By Me".= You have to wonder about the person who saw everyone who tried castor bean= s die from ricin poisoning and say "hmmm.. let's extract some oil from that= , we can sell it as a laxative and a hair tonic." The hardest quest= ion on last week's Easy Quiz was about the second most expensive album ever= produced. Only 56% of quiztakers knew that Axl Rose's "Chinese Democracy",= the album that took so long it almost came true, clocked in at $13 million= in production costs over the eight years it was "in the studio", and resul= ted in the departure of every member of the band except Axl Rose. By compar= ison, Garth Brooks' "The Life of Chris Gaines" cost $5 million to make, a p= rice so high the company decided not to finance the movie the album was sup= posed to be the soundtrack for. FWIW, "Chinese Democracy" did go on to be t= he most-streamed album on MySpace. The easiest question on last wee= k's Easy Quiz was about the upcoming Jerry Seinfeld Netflix movie. 90% of q= uiztakers knew that "Unfrosted" is about the creation of Pop-Tarts, a produ= ct that came about because Post showed off their fruit jam-filled "Country = Squares" pastries several months before they were ready for market, and Kel= logg's snagged the best food scientist they could find and handed him a hig= h budget and a short deadline. Interestingly, the guy they found to create = their snack to compete with Post was himself named Bill Post. And I'm sad t= o announce as I'm typing this, I just learned he has passed away today at t= he age of 96. RIP Pop-Tart man, many fond memories of getting ready for sch= ool with some Brown Sugar and Cinnamon will forever be with me. If = you missed out last week, now's a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz](3D" now t= hat you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winner= s, and we'll do it all again on Friday.](3D" --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1708022642-50228-15143--