Fark NotNewsletter: There's a party in my pants

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1504628366-78420-65741 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D") [3D"Facebook"](3D") [=3D"Twitter"](3D") [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 It's September now, and there haven't been any = Fark parties since July. August is a crap month, so that's understandable. = But now is the perfect time to plan your Fark Party. Maybe you're back in s= chool and want to blow off some steam, maybe your kids are back in school a= nd you want to celebrate, maybe your house is flooded and that ought to be = enough to get some Farkers to buy you some drinks, or maybe none of these a= pply, which is also reason to party. In any case, it's a great time to [= submit a Fark Party](3D". Pants optional, depending on the venue. Comment Mentions= > The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark= and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were = the most-used words DACA - 551 Labor Day - 189 Summer - = 602 Chemical plant - 199 Bacon - 226 Comment Votes Some of th= e top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week = Funny: MBooda noticed that [Texas didn't even get the worst of Hurricane Harvey](3D") 7th Son of a 7th Son shared [a s= tatement from Joel Osteen to those seeking shelter](3D" Catlenfel= l showed us [thoughts and prayers](3D"https:/=)= > jbc pointed out [someon= e who's more of a Christian than Joel Osteen](3D" Madman drummers= bummers figured out [the trick to= getting "Funny" votes on Fark](=3D" Abe Vigoda's Ghost s= howed us that one woman indeed [looked like a= Cabbage Patch doll as a child](=3D" The Goddamn Batman h= ad [a message for the Crying Nazi](3D") fusillade762 helpfully [captio= ned a photo of nursing home residents in the flood](3D" RomeoEigh= tJuliet showed [a hitchhiking hawk= 's safety concerns](3D"http=) Cyrus the Mediocre demonstrated = [the wrong way to slice bread](3D") Smart: FormlessOne explained [why a nurse was arrested](3D") docpeteyJ = commented on [the Crying Nazi's lack of self = awareness](3D"=) doglover reacted to a judge's [ruling that Colorado's sex offender list is unconstitut= ional](3D") netizencain wanted [more cops to be held accountable](3D" keylock71 [hoped for a certain outcome](3D") after a nurse = was arrested firefly212 listed [multiple reasons to fire a police officer](3D" thismomenti= nblackhistory noticed something odd about [the penalty when a cop jokes about shooting black people](3D" lostcat discussed [what it woul= d take for people to trust police officers](=3D" enry dis= cussed a [furniture chain owner's reasons for= helping people in Houston](3D"=) Cpl.D thought a [Crossfit Nazi got what he deserved](3D") = TotalFark Discussion: Note: This section can only be accessed b= y [TotalFarkers](3D") Funny: myschief = rong>gave another Farker [a reason to not go= to a strip club on a day off](3D"htt=) Funny: EatenTheSun = strong>had [bittersweet thoughts as the house= was flooding](3D".=) Funny: IvyLady revealed [the origins of a TotalFark romance](3D") Fu= nny: Huck Chaser asked how another Farker responded t= o encountering [a strange way to use a urinal=](3D"=) CSB Sunday Morning: [Hyped up](3D" Smart:= em> This is a tie between Mr_Fabulous with [festival season](3D") and fusillade762 with a [concert in 1993](3D"). buckwebb get= s a special mention even without having really told a story because [that's a cute grandbabby](3D"). Funny: gordian shared [what it's li= ke to be a child genius](=3D" CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday Morni= ng is a thread where Farkers share stories based on a weekly topic. If you = would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email= [dugitman](3D". Politics F= unny: markie_farkie discovered [an obscure member of The Village People](3D") RJReves = made sure nobody missed a compariso= n of Trump's Harvey response and Obama's Katrina response I = Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That followed through in a thread about = [angry white men](3D") blastoh = ong>shared [a confusing warning](3D".=) kevlar51 was saddened by [unfair a= ttacks on Trump's actions](3D" Politics Smart: BizarreMan advocated a 25th Ame= ndment remedy docpeteyJ had some guesses as to [why Sheriff David Clarke resigned](3D") Sgt Otter noticed a limit to [how m= uch of a Christian nation Mike Pence would like the U.S. to be](3D" Walker shared examples of [past p= residents visiting disaster areas](3D" Kevin72 explained= [why the news media report on Trump's failur= es](3D") Contest V= otes Some of the top-voted contest entries from las= t week, listed from highest number of votes down Photoshop= s: RedZoneTuba found our missing socks [where no sock has gone before](3D") Circusdog3= 20 discovered [a surprising componen= t of Saturn's rings](3D"https=) manyone revealed [the hidden secret of the solar eclipse](3D") iont= hrust found [something more dangerou= s than rattlesnakes](3D"https:/=) Yammering_Splat_Vector [added some hot coronal action](3D") Herb Ut= smelz [earwormed the heck out of thi= s Photoshop contest](3D"=) Surly U. Jest moved a Farker to= [a more accessible camping spot](3D") Stantz [transformed this friendly= mailbox](3D"https://w=) Vortex Dweller showed [a cat that's being disrespected](3D" Surly U. Jest = strong>did [an awesome head swap](3D".=)  = ; Farktography: Elsinore won Farktography C= ontest No. 643: "[Green 3](3D".=)" with [some pointy water](3D" Farktography is Fark's weekly photograp= hy contest. If you would like to suggest a Farktography theme, you can cont= act [Elsinore](3D"=) or stop by the [Farktography = Forum](3D". Fark = Weird News Quiz (brought= to you by ox45tallboy) Hop= e everyone had a great holiday weekend, and we're all ready to get back to = work and start sweating the latest impending disaster. Stay safe, Floridian= s. This week's quiz seemed a little more difficult than usual,= so we'll try and tone it down a bit for the next one. Vaginosilico= sis took first with 802, followed by MrPleasant i= n second with 799. OOF brought in third with 795, and roun= ding out the top 5 were Denjiroin fourth with 792, and Kaiser Bill's Batman making fifth with 782. The = hardest question on the Hard Quiz this week was over the highest-grossing a= nimated film franchise internationally. 12% of quiztakers knew that while "= Ice Age" has done respectably domestically (not quite the smash hits that a= re "Shrek" and "Toy Story," though), It has done better than the others int= ernationally. This may be due to the fact that it is more based on physical= comedy and sight gags (which translate well) rather than the story-based e= xposition of "Shrek" and "Toy Story" (which is sometimes hard to translate)= . The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was over = what German thieves had stolen 20 metric tons of. 79% of quiztakers knew th= at someone had an extreme fondness for Nutella. I'm guessing that someone's= bikini mud wrestling contest had received a bad batch of mud recently, so = decided to improvise after a revolt by the contestants. The ha= rdest question on the Easy Quiz was over what little critter had just crawl= ed out of Mommy's pouch after about 7 months of mooching about in there lik= e a 20-something in her basement and she finally shut off the Wi-Fi. Only 2= 5% of quiztakers knew that the rare white joey was a koala. For the record,= the young of all marsupials (pouched animals) is called a "joey," not just= kangaroos. The easiest question on the Easy Quiz was over whe= re the last PowerBall winner lived. 85% of quiztakers knew that she had the= unfortunate circumstance of living in Massachusetts, one of the highest-ta= xed (although also one of the highest in quality of life) states in the Uni= on. But when you're up nearly $400 million after taxes, you probably don't = let it bother you. A special shout-out goes to I Have = a Bo Burnham Gif for That for his help in putting together this we= ek's quiz. If you missed the quiz due to being outdoors and en= joying the last bit of summer, you can [take the Fark Weird News Quiz here. Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by Blythe](3D" trong>) Here are a few of the great headlines that didn'= t quite get the top votes but were still up there. So vote early, vot= e often! Especially if you think headlines like these should have be= en at the top! To see the headlines that did get the top votes, look&= nbsp;[he= re](3D"). MAIN &nbs= p; [Hobby Lobby is fundi= ng the plundering of Palestinian cultural heritage, possibly by digging it = up and putting glitter on it](3D") [It's one of the biggest travel weekends of the year. Let's close a= bridge at a choke point](3D") [I= f you've got 34 Xanax pills, 29 amphetamine pills, 96 Oxycodone pills, 3 ba= gs of MDMA, 6 bags of meth, 68 bottles of steroids, 3 bags of ketamine, 2 v= ials of ketamine, a bag of shrooms and 700 ecstasy tablets, a killer robot = almost seems reasonable](3D") [Do you want to greet a loved one at the air= port gate, like pre-9/11 days? Bad enough to pick them up in Pittsburgh?](3D")= > Woman (= 70 years old) fined for falling asleep at the wheel and clipping a guardrai= l. Her goats were fine, by the way [Don't have a Wells Fargo account? Are yo= u sure?](3D") [Philosophical questions for the modern age: Could you still be bus= ted for drunk-driving even if you were "driving" a driverless car? Maybe. W= hat about if you were standing on the roof? Definitely](3D")  = ; SPORTS [You're not going to believe this, but= the NFL might've screwed up their handling of the Ezekial Elliot investiga= tion and hidden a few things](3D") GEEK = [Stop. You had me at "rocket-powered ninja swords"](=3D") &nb= sp; [Ad astra per aqua](3D".=) &n= bsp; [The rise and fall of the Romans ca= n be charted in their lead plumbing. It's Pb without the jelly](3D"http=) &nb= sp; ENTERTAINMENT [Apparently Matt Damon'= s is five inches most of the time](3D") [Half= Chinese actress changed her last name from Wang to Bennet and got more wor= k because Hollywood is either A) racist - or B) doesn't like wang in their = movies](3D") POLITICS [Casting call for next season of top rea= lity show getting huge turnout](=3D") = Trump praises crowd at Phoenix rally as a "packed house." Trump also fired = long time staffer because attendance at said rally was sparse. Discuss&= nbsp; [Back off NAFTA or this fetus gets it](3D")= BUSINESS ["You can buy this great 'USA' hat in m= y online store for only $40. Walmart: "Hold my beer"](3D"=) &= nbsp; [Houst= on's housing market is expected to go through the roof. And the walls. And = the floorboards. And you may need some new carpeting](3D"=) &= nbsp; DISCUSSION These headlines made it to H= otW - I'm continuing to take the top three weekly thread discussion headlin= es and the top three regular headlines. [= When Starlight Glimmer and Trixie visit Thorax, they meet his brother Phary= nx, who is grateful you're no longer watching it for the Abdomen. It's My L= ittle Pony - To Change a Changeling, Saturday on Discovery Family at 11:30a= m ET](3D") [New Comics (8/30): Secret Empir= e mercifully ends, Darkseid gives us an upskirt shot, Mace Windu finally ge= ts his own motherfarking comic, Moneypenny gets out from behind the desk, a= nd Hawkeye hunts the most dangerous game....Hawkeye](3D") [I have no idea what you're singing about, so here'= s YATTA because it's been awhile](3D".=) [My office finally started blocking Fark. I'm stuc= k using my phone to communicate with you people. You're so tiny now](3D")&nbs= p; [Wait .... so you're saying there were no great whites swimming on I-45,= 20 ft gators on I-10 and ANTIFA shooting at the mighty Cajun Navy?](3D"http:/=)&nbs= p; Voting for headlines is one of the perks = of being a TotalFarker. You can [join TotalFark here](=3D". --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter email= to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"http:/=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") from newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here= to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. 333 West Vine St Suite 210, Lexington KY 40507 = ------------=_1504628366-78420-65741--