Fark NotNewsletter: Political Improvement for Christmas

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1703109516-24164-353 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [http= s://fark.com/13094074](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ___________________= _____ Hey everyone hope your we= ek's been well. While I've app= reciated the five weekends before Christmas we got this year, it's a little= disconcerting that the last one doesn't allow enough time for free shippin= g. At any rate I've got most of the shopping wrapped up on my end, ex= cept for my favorite tradition of all: Dollar Store stocking stuffers. = ; This started as an accident about 25 years ago but has continued to this = day in our household. Basically everyone hits the local dollar store = and buys the most obnoxious gifts they can find for the entire family. = ; We usually see pork rinds and potted meat food product, along with questi= onable non-blu-ray dvds and wine glasses with bizarre meme like sayings tha= t don't actually mean anything. Sometimes those gifts are better than= the real ones. As we approach= Christmas itself, the news cycle grinds to a standstill. Partly beca= use no one's around to cover breaking news and partly because there are tho= usands of "best of 2023" canned articles ready to roll over the holidays.&n= bsp; So if you've got any terrible news or embarrassing PR issues, I would = strongly recommend Friday evening 8pm eastern because literally no one will= see whatever it is. Thursday = 4pm it's -probably- the [Fark News Livestream](3D"http=)!&n= bsp; Game time decision on this one, the gang has schedule conflicts all ov= er the place and the news cycle is drying up. However I may still hav= e enough material to do one, depends on if anyone else is around. Kee= p an eye out for the final word come Thursday. __________________= ______ End Drew transmission ___= _____________________ Top= Interactions Some of the best interactions from the pas= t week. Do note: this takes priority over being placed in "top= comments." - RaceDTruck [knew of Andre Br= augher while they were both in high school](3D"). Quigley_Wyatt= ng> [used one of Andre's quotes to suggest they were once in the same classe= s.](3D") - [This Thread](3D"=) became a thread about how us Farkers deal with d= epression. - Farkers in [This Thread](3D=) were too distracted by the Disney= villain that is Elon's mom to have any sort of productive discussion. = Top Comments Som= e of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week. If= your post isn't here, assume that NotNewsletterMonkey cou= ldn't think of a tagline. (The Smartest and [Funniest](=3D" for the past month are found elsewhere.) = Funny: - [Guess what](3D"=)johnryan51['s ad= dicted to. Guess.](3D") - steklo['s army recruite= r told them exactly what to expect.](3D") - North_Central_P= ositronics[: "LOOK AT ME, I'M AN ATTENTION MANSION!"](3D"https://w=) -&nbs= p;Angry Drunk Bureaucrat[reminded us of the more questiona= ble lyrics to Tom Bombadil.](3D" - I May Be Crazy But...= strong> [their wife's Mac is about as deadly as Tesla's autopilot.](3D"=) Smart: - dietbubba[hopes this dead= TV homicide detective will use their death to finally solve an unsolved ca= se.](3D") - VictoryCabal[knows from experience ho= w often sensors can fail, and how that would affect a potential 'required b= reathalyzer' for driving.](3D" - Walker[predicted= Satan's death.](3D") - Martian_Astronomer[: ""I wi= ll kill you for saying this flag promotes genocide" is a good look." (sarca= sm)](3D") - weddingsinger[explained the difference= between neutral and objective journalism.](3D" - Jim_Call= ahan[appreciates these felons' demands to be charged for the actua= l thing they did.](3D"=) - Deeya['s doorbell camera= saved them money in unexpected ways.](3D") - foo monkey= trong>[: "Worst of all, their prize boxes suck"](3D") - Daniel Bo= one's Farm[noticed the real important part of this article.](3D"https://w=) [Politics=](3D") The Politics tab was surprisingly funny this week, with a = lot of great headlines. If you're afraid of Horrifying Global Poli= tics, we have at least 10% less this week. Politics Funny:= - Sin'sHero[highlighted a ridiculous situation = created by Texas laws.](3D" - Meatsim1[postulated= the discussion that got this employee let go.](3D") - kind= ms[knows the real tragedy of Rudy's lawsuit.](3D".=) - Ragin' Asian[thinks Tom Arnold's even happier about his divorc= e now.](3D"htt=) - leeksfromchichis[: " My days of thinkin= g of her as a MAGA POS are certainly coming to a middle."](3D" - Telephone Sanitizer Second Class[bought the new iJordan. - Ragin' Asian](3D" a satirical political w= ebsite.](3D" - enry[IS the crazy uncle now.](3D" - phalamir[: "There is no farking reason I should = be able to see my wife's skeleton while inside my own damned house."](3D" Politics Smart: - Somacandra[wish= es Texas would be consistent with their definition of unborn children.](3D") - nullcelebrated Ohio's (relatively) new pro-ab= ortion amendment. - Squid_for_Brains[misses = their crazy uncles.](3D") - LordJiro[made a point = about political consequences diluting the party.](3D") - Bl= oody William[found a comparison between Dolly Parton and Weird Al.=](3D"https:/=) - NeverDrunk23[: "Captain Planet villains ar= e more complex, humane and three dimensional [than most of] today's Republi= can [politicians]."](3D" Monkey's PickI felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even though they d= idn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics. Funny: - [...Wait,](3D"h=)Majin_Buu[found al= l of that in one Daily Mail article?](3D") - Abox = was visited by their recurring nightmare. - Cthonic E= choes[fears the curse of Ohio.](3D"=) - Jeebus Save= s[ah yes, like the Egyptians.](3D"=) Smart: -= winedrinkingman[says drugs, or pools and big tubs. C= hoose.](3D" - FormlessOne[sees many mangled Cyb= ertrucks in our towing companies' futures.](3D" - bughunte= r[watched history repeat itself online.](3D"=) - = BretMavrik[has had nothing but great experiences hiring college gr= aduates.](3D"https://w=) - BitwiseShift[wonders if there are= fake podcast generators that might be able to drag their crazy uncle back = to sanity.](3D" - Jiggatron69[is this a Monty P= ython quote?](3D") CSB Sunday Morning theme - "= g>[That one thing Santa never = left under your tree](3D")" This week, Farkers were chall= enged to tell stories about the present(s) they always wanted, but never go= t. [Funny](3D".=): - [A Playboy Bunny = flew through](3D")EBN-OZN['s window.](3D" - Duck_of_Doom['s brother almost thought he didn't get the present h= e wanted.](3D"https:=) - chewd[received everything but = Legos.](3D" - Someone Else's Alt[got army men in= stead of G.I. Joe. They're the same thing, right? ;-)](3D") [Smart](3D"): - Caelistis[had a Christ= mas joke come close-to-true.](3D") - TexasPeace[wi= shed the lyrics of Christmas carols were true to life.](3D") - Miss Stein[was so tired of waiting for their vintage game, the= y went and bought it themselves.](3D"https=) - Scanty Em= [wished their father would've at least tried to bond with him via an inte= rest in electronics.](3D") T= op Contest Entries Some of the top-voted [contest](3D" entries from last week. As always, ev= erybody gets one - and they're sorted by how likely they are to still be op= en. [Photoshops](3D"http=): - Thoaar[made a = 'moth' variant of the Blind Melon album cover.](3D") - opal= akea[why's she so fascinated with that ball](3D"=) - samsquatch[gave us a different view of a classic post-apocalypti= c scene.](3D"https:/=) - Herb Utsmelz[froze Bernie solid. - RedZoneTuba](3D" out a new dance move.](3D" > - Octafrye[put Zed between a hard place and an= other hard place.](3D" - retrophil[tried to fistf= ight a tree for their hostage.](3D") - I_Am_Weasel= [: "Unable to see what lies ahead, Janet unwittingly turns an idiom on its= head."](3D") - Yammering_Splat_Vector[hung a nove= lty clock above a couch, where everyone'll end up resting their heads again= st it.](3D") - EvaDewer['s cat is sick of living = with this girl.](3D" - nitropissering[sold "all-n= atural crayons."](3D") - Dodo David[illustrated on= e of the unspoken rules of Fark.](3D") - kpaxoid[f= ailed the vision test.](3D") - payattention[upgrad= ed Santa's sleigh.](3D") - Stephen_Falken[committe= d Album Cover](3D") - west.la.lawyer[supervised on= e of Laverne & Shirley's shifts.](3D") - Mr. Shabooboo[knew this picture looked like a Bob Ross painting.](3D"=) - = ;FirstDennis[couldn't resist an early sleighride.](3D=) = - Tom G[photographed the hottest place on earth.= a> - Thrakkorzog](=3D" resist giving this bir= d the bird.](3D" [Captions](3D" "[Caption = these two gals out for a walk](3D")" ([image](3D" - RedZoneTuba= strong> [gave a heartfelt compliment.](3D"=) - Klippoklondike = rong>[judged it a K9/10.](3D") "[Caption this in= teraction between player and fan](3D")" ([image](3D" - Lady J= rong> [wants their teeth back.](3D") - WonderDave1 [OOOOO= OOO-](3D") "[Caption vintage Grandma making a= special meal](3D"=)" ([image](3D"https://=)) - markie_farkie [turned= a child into a newt.](3D") - Thoaar [wonders why anyo= ne would ever make a meat baby.](3D") "[Caption this explanation= a>" (](3D")[image](3D")) - derfiticulum [tried to hire ducks.= a> - EvaDewer](3D" confused by the automatic censor on= duck curses.](3D" "[Caption this Icelandic wel= coming committee](3D"h=)" ([image](3D"https=)) - The Third Man [adv= ertised their new band.](3D") - Klippoklondike [wrote a = song.](3D") [Farktography theme](=3D" "[Frameable](3D")" T= his week, Farkers were challenged to show us their frame-worthy photos. = - bobug[visited the local Glass Tentacle Garden.= a> - spidermann](=3D" framed this photo of woo= d.](3D" - Elsinore[preserved a blooming water lil= y.](3D" - Lovesandwich[went for a walk in the w= oods with their kid.](3D" [Upcoming Fark Parties= span>](3D" It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - you're effectively saying= that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang out." [Submit one!= a> [Monday, April 8, 2024, Tot= al eclipse of the Sun Fark Party at Noon. Buffalo Small Boat Harbor](3D")= an> Fark Headlines of the = Week A selection of some of the top headlines from last week.= [Subby: AAHHHHH You:= AAHHHHH Farkistan: AAHHHHH](3D") [Ever read the original James Bond books from back in the day? Unde= rneath every Russian plot was the KGB's need to raise or steal money from t= he West. The reason subby brings this up is](3D") [USS Carney shoots down 14 drones, gets a ring on the bottle, pops a = balloon with a dart](3D"https:=) [God is reportedly okay with vandalism, as long as the target is unpopula= r with Christians](3D") [More and more Americans= got no reason to live](3D") = [Fark's favorite s= uperhero injured in car accident](3D") [Giant Abraham Lincoln spotted topless in Kentucky](3D"=)= Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Another fun= time on the Quiz last week, where we learned not to sign extended lic= ensing deals that can alter your legacy to future generations. On the Quiz = itself, TheMothership came out on top with 1018, followed = by Can't_Think_Of_A_Name in second with 938 and = sugaryvitamin in third with 931. HFK= made fourth with 920, and bonzo.deep and Oliver Twisted](3D" tied for fifth with 911, The hardest ques= tion on last week's Hard Quiz was about whose hat was stolen from Waterfron= t Park in Lexington, KY. Only 41% of quiztakers knew that a bronze statue o= f Kentucky native son Abe Lincoln sits on a rock overlooking the Ohio River= that his family crossed when he was seven years old in their move from Ken= tucky to Indiana. Perhaps the thief was trying to make the statue more accu= rate, as it is unlikely he owned a top hat at the age of seven. The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about Xylazine. 82% of= quiztakers knew that it was a livestock tranquilizer being added to fentan= yl and present in one of nine fentanyl overdose deaths nationwide. It's not= enough that dealers are lacing the fun drugs with fentanyl, now they're la= cing the fentanyl, It's like you can't trust your local drug dealer anymore= . The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about whi= ch song a British soccer team DJ had to apologize to club fans for playing.= Only 48% of quiztakers knew about "Whamageddon", the yearly contest to avo= id hearing "Last Christmas" for as long as possible. That's kind of hard to= do when your pressed together with a couple of thousand other hooligans an= d you can't avoid the stadium speakers. In the spirit of Christmas and forg= iveness, the yobs will only hold a small riot and limit the damage to six b= locks and no more than ten cars burned. The easiest question on las= t week's Easy Quiz was about the concert film "Stop Making Sense" celebrati= ng its 40th anniversary with a remastered re-release in theaters. 89% of qu= iztakers recognized the film as the work of David Byrne and Talking Heads. = Although many critics call it the best concert film of all time, I'm not su= re if it was a great idea to re-release against Taylor Swift's "Eras" this = year. If you missed out last week, now's a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weir= d News Quiz](3D") now that you know a few of the answers. Congratulations onc= e again to the winners, and we'll do it all again on Friday. --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1703109516-24164-353--