Fark NotNewsletter: We Didn't Start the Fire

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1697063068-66535-17585 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [http= s://fark.com/13020014](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ___________________= _____ Hey everyone hope your we= ek's been well. [ rticipant&participantID=3D11574](=3D" Next month I'm riding across Joshua Tree to raise money to fight = climate change. My friend Rebecca Watson asked me to join her so I ca= n use tow cables or something to haul her up steep hills. We're about= a month out now and I could still use some donations if you're able. = I promise to post tons of pics of weird stuff that I see along the way.&nb= sp; Folks who follow me on Instagram have seen what I mean before. Th= ere's a ton of weird stuff out on the back roads. For example, five years ago a very old tree was knocked= over during a windstorm. It was actually two trees growing super clo= se together. Whoever owned it cut the stump into the shape of a heart= and painted it red. You can find this about a mile south of the Wood= ford Reserve distillery on McCracken Pike in Woodford County. Since people on Xitter think I'm a time-tra= veler, I offered in exchange for a $100 donation that I'd answer one questi= on about the future. Turns out unfortunately that people who actually= believe I'm a time traveler are cheap ass bastards - exactly zero have don= ated. Although I am not actually a time traveler I am a really good g= uesser, which is kind of the same thing as far as prediction goes. So= me answering a question of yours about the future has a better than usual = chance of being right. I'll even give you a confidence level and some= fun possible outliers if you like. And thanks to everyone who's supported other rides in the past, such = as the 2019 Empire State Ride raising money for the Roswell Park Cancer Ins= titute. Even though aliens weren't (probably) involved it was still a= great cause. I appreciate everyone's support. 4pm Thursday it's the [Fark N= ews Livestream](3D") - everyone's back from the break and we are loaded and r= eady to go. It's Halloween season so expect Christine to show off her= latest costumes. And unfortunately Dill was unable to capture the es= caped monkey that rampaged around Indianapolis last week. Plus - the = triumphant return of Santos of the Week! ___________________= _____ End Drew transmission ____= ____________________ Top Inter= actions Some of the best interactions from the past week. = Do note: this takes priority over being placed in "top comments." = - Mr. Shabooboo [and co. had a civilized debate about f= ood.](3D" - feckingmorons, LoneVVolf, a= nd ParallelUniverseParking: ["What's a doctor mandated wais= t training device?" "An emotional support animal you don't have to feed." "= Oh, like a pet rock?"](3D" - A noticeable portion of posters in [This Thread swapped painful stories about bullying. Top Comments Some of the top-voted smartest= and funniest comments from the past week. If your post isn't here, assu= me the NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tagline. (The](3D")[Smartest](3D") = and [Funniest](3D") fo= r the past month are found elsewhere.) Funny: - bearded clamorer[gave us an artist's rendition of Dick But(= kus).](=3D" - Ethertap[summarized the average dating= site user.](3D" - Mr. Tweedy[: In response to Ethertap, above: "Chicks dig dudes who can multitask."](3D" -= overzelus[: "Hard to argue with that logic."](=3D" -= Naido[: "Everyone knows what 'build a doghouse' means= ."](3D"=) - steklo[understands the most negative resu= lt of the emergency broadcasting test.](3D" Smart: -&nbs= p;Straight Outta Wells Branch[reminded us why the Dickbutt= Man was such a beloved football player.](3D" - TommyDeuce= strong>[: ""The love of teaching" is not accepted at any stores that I know = of."](3D") - AppleOptionEsc[knows who spilled the be= ans. Loudly. And repeatedly.](3D" - Martian_Astronomer= ng>[has an online course on what "beige flags" are - with examples!](3D") = - vudukungfubrought their handwritten "dating-site= language dictionary" to translate. - optikeye= [gave a stunning recommendation for Florida:](3D") ♪[At least it's not Dubai.](3D" - = NeoCortex42[summarized Patrick Stewart's character arc.](3D"https://=) -&n= bsp;mongbiohazardappreciates Star Trek for its professi= onalism. - IlGreven[wonders why the GOP desp= erately wants Iran to be behind the Israeli attack.](3D" - B= enevolent Misanthrope[shared a cautionary tale of reverse-angle = parking.](=3D" - Someone Else's Alt[shared their ex= perience as a former city public works director.](3D") - Meat= 's dream[met a celebrity crush.](3D"=) - NM Volunteer= [wishes Just Stop Oil chose their locations better.](3D"=) [Politics](3D")= trong> Politics Funny: - Snarfangel= >[confused "election" with... something else.](3D") - EL EM[knows how TFG prevents himself from becoming Hannibal Lecter's ex-= friend. Y'know, like the parrot.](3D"=) Politics Smart: -&= nbsp;Murkanen[was forced to choose between porn... or Fo= x News.](=3D" - bostonguy[gave us an on-the-ground= report from the Hamas vs. Israel conflict.](3D" - LewDux= trong>[... ah yes, an Appropriate Response](3D") - EvilEgg= rong>[tempted us with a post that could've started a Chuck Norris-style Tay= lor Swift thread.](3D") - markie_farkie[has an educa= ted guess on when TFG will end up in jail again.](3D") - yoho= hogreengiant[: 'It's a difficult game when some of the players are = complete sociopaths.'](3D"https:/=) Monkey's Pick= > I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even though they= didn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted, may contain politics. Funny: - The Exit Stencilist[channeled t= he Sorting Hat on accident.](3D") - Ragin' Asian[: "T= hat's ten minutes into an Irish or Filipino wake."](3D") Smart= m>: - FormlessOne[noticed the similarities between= 'dating flags' and heraldry.](3D" (Also similar: "Flower Language.") -&n= bsp;Wine Sipping Elitist[realized that getting married mad= e Kanye West stop yelling dumb stuff into the aether.](3D" - GoldSpider[: "It's pretty safe to assume that anyone peddling a so= lution to a complex problem with a plan that fits on a bumper sticker is a = huckster or a simpleton. "](3D"https://=) - cherryl taggart[k= nows what real country music is.](3D") [CSB](3D" Morning theme - "[Adventures in Public Speaking](3D")" This w= eek, Farkers were asked to share their public speaking experiences. [= Smart](3D") - bibliophile42[told jokes to The= Borg.](3D") - Groupon boob job[made the stand-up re= covery of a lifetime.](3D" - TexasPeace[incited the= students to revolution.](3D") - The Red Zone['s teac= her couldn't believe that the Eagle Scout experience included public speaki= ng.](3D") [Funny](3D".=) - Exhume me for National Pop= Goes the Weasel Day[managed to avoid public speaking - until the = trial happened.](3D=) - WyDave['s classmates couldn't= stop looking at their eyes.](3D" - Bondith[: "Hey, = I understood that!"](3D") - little big man[was disse= d by a little kid.](3D") Top= Contest Entries Some of the top-voted [contest](3D" entries from last week. As always, eve= rybody gets one. [Photoshops](3D=): - Yammering_Splat_Vector= g>[knows which dog will be blamed.](3D") - i-dig[obs= erved a group of wild Domo, hunting for kittens.](3D") - Terr= apin Bound[knows exactly how much bacon a salad needs.](3D"https://w=) -&nb= sp;ICampontheFirstDate[got Dapper Dan delivered, finally. - fisker](3D" some circuit-themed bait.](3D" > - west.la.lawyer[is eating a normal amount of Gy= oza.](3D" - Clockwork Kumquat[recorded a metallic b= ird feeding.](3D" - i-dig[IT'S HATCHING!](3D" -&= nbsp;RedZoneTuba... is that a giant cigar, or an arm they'= re smoking? - proton['s disguises got the part= y past the Skilift Yeti.](3D" - samsquatch[knows ho= w to drive off a cat. For just a moment.](3D") - Thoaar= ng>[brought over an alternate universe's war propaganda.](3D") - EvaDewer[spotted a tree full of Larry Birds.](3D"https:/=) - Elrik[has the BIGGEST pet rock.](3D"https://w=) - Thrakko= rzog[is not famous anymore.](3D"=) - Herb Utsmelz= rong>[knows the ice we skate is getting pretty thin.](3D") - = Dodo David[sells houses on Endor.](3D"https://w=) - BrutonGast= er[reimagined the ALIEN poster.](3D".=) - proton= ong>[was there when the aliens gifted us Stonehenge - and returned our flow= ers.](3D") - rjd2[committed Up!](3D" - Sensei Can You See[how much this dude's face tattoo looks like a= waffle?](3D=) [Captions](3D"ht=): "[Caption this Avian Eviction](3D=)" - = RedZoneTuba [swears they saw a cat.](3D"https:/=) - LoneVVolf= ong> [spotted a content thief.](3D") "[Caption these Cozy Sharks](3D" Driver [is a ♪SHARK♪](3D"=) - payat= tention [committed roadtrip annoyance.](3D"=) [Farktography theme= a>: "](3D")[It's a Beautiful Day](3D")" This week, Farkers were challenged to sho= w us what a beautiful day looks like to them. - Mornin= gBreath[got to watch someone walk on water.](3D".=) - = Lovesandwich[went on a nature walk with their dogs.](3D"https:/=) - = BecauseISaidSo[discovered that overcast weather made the = hike even more beautiful.](=3D" - Badafuco[looked up= from their cabin to see the Aurora Borealis.](3D") [Upco= ming Fark Parties](3D" It's easy to plan for a Fark Party - yo= u're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, come hang = out." [Submit one!](3D") [Monday, April 8, 20= 24, Total eclipse of the Sun Fark Party at Noon. Buffalo Small Boat Harbor](3D") Fark Headlines = of the Week A selection of some of the top headlines from las= t week. [Legendary Chicago Bear, commercial pitchman, actor and name-haver Dick = Butkus has died at the age of 80](3D") [Cl= arence Thomas' decision to recuse himself from the John Eastman case might = be a small indication that SCOTUS has started taking its ethical problems s= eriously. Or he might have just wanted a vacation. It's hard to tell](3D"=)= pan> [Tongue-twisting a= ccident as rubber baby is bumped off buggy. The rubber baby buggy bumper ha= s not been charged for going five times fast](3D") [Woman sues hospital after doctor denied her med= ication because "she's of childbearing age" and it could harm a fetus if sh= e got pregnant. I don't see the problem. I mean, he took a Hypothetical Oat= h and everything](3D"https:=) [Defense Department Deputy CIO arrest= ed for dogfighting without a plane](3D") Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by = ;ox45tallboy) Another fun time on last week's Quiz, whe= re we learned that the Postal Service isn't always good about scanning = ;in packages at each location, and ebay sellers aren't always good about te= sting their items before selling them. On the Quiz itself, we've got five p= eople in the 1000 club, but unfortunately, since my new monitor doesn't wor= k, we're not going to be able to screen "The Room". reachforthetop9= managed to get there with 1047, followed by MinorThr= eat1 in second with 1026 and mrfu32 and HFK tying for third with 1021. Oliver Twisted= rong> made fourth with 1003, and Worcester22 snuck in= to fifth with 992. The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz wa= s about which entertainment property was running a really weird promot= ion with the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam. Only 39% of quiztakers caught th= e article about The Pokémon Company selling some exclusive merch thr= ough the museum's gift shop, including posters, plush toys, figurines, jigs= aw puzzles, and a new promo card titled "Pikachu With Grey Felt Hat" that w= as made in the style of van Gogh's 1887 work "Self-Portrait with Grey = Felt Hat", Note that Pikachu still retains both ears following the promotio= n. The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which Al= fred Hitchcock movie was being experienced by the residents of Pravia, Spai= n. 96% of quiztakers knew that they were going through the plot of Hitchcoc= k's 1963 classic "The Birds", with flocks of crows endlessly attacking buil= dings, vehicles, and even people. Residents also report being driven to the= brink of insanity by the endless repetition of the word "nevermore" and th= at "All I Wanna Do" song from the 90s. The hardest question f= rom last week's Easy Quiz was about which celebrity Elon Musk was going to = be paying to twe-, er, X, or whatever posting on what used to be Twitter is= now called. Only 47% of quiztakers knew that not only is Paris Hilto= n still around, but she has her own production company called 11:11 and Elo= n thinks that she's what the platform has been missing since he took over. = That's... hot, I guess? The easiest question on last week's E= asy Quiz was about which actor and director was being emulated by AI in ads= for dental insurance. 87% of quitakers recalled "That Thing You Do" as a p= et project of Tom Hanks, who also wrote and starred in the 1996 comedy. The= fact that this was convincing to people makes me wonder about future celeb= rity endorsement deals - can someone just license their likeness and let AI= produce the commercial? Can AI simply create the celebrity in the first pl= ace and star in movies? And how does a dental insurance company afford to m= ake a passable AI likeness of Tom Hanks? If you missed out last wee= k, now's a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz](3D"htt=) now that you know a few of the= answers. Congratulations once again to the winners, and we'll be doing it = all again on Friday. --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1697063068-66535-17585--