Fark NotNewsletter: We Thought it was Going to be a Slow News Day

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1692831362-28189-18140 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [http= s://fark.com/12968462](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message= from Drew Curtis: ___________________= _____ Hey everyone hope your we= ek's been well. Something I no= ticed years ago is that whenever journalists go on vacation, the news cycle= slows way down. Seems like that shouldn't be the case but it's prett= y consistent. At any rate, I have to assume that this week in particu= lar everyone's taking their last bits of summer vacation. I was all e= xcited yesterday about Japan expecting a possible response from any alien l= ife on Altair. They beamed a radio signal to it back in 1983, yesterd= ay was the earliest anyone could have responded given the distance and the = speed of light. Phil Plait popped up over on Bluesky however to tell = me that the star is so young, if there are any habitable planets they would= have just formed oceans recently. At any rate, no one sent a signal = back - this time. Either that or there's an alien armada heading our = way to kill us all. One of those. No [Fark News Livestream](3D"=) t= his week - I'm out and about but it's just as well, the news cycle's at a p= retty low e- And as I'm in th= e middle of writing this [Prigozhin = goes down in a plane crash](=3D"). I d= eny all wrongdoing. Back next = week however! ________________________ End Drew transmission ________________________ Top Interactions Some = of the best interactions from the past week. Do note: this takes pr= iority over being placed in "top comments." - [Decorus=](3D"), [msrbley](3D"=), and [Elfich discussed where TFG keeps getting these lawyers from. - In](3D" Thread= ong>](3D"): "Listless whats?" - Farkers in [This Thread](3D" refused to u= se the metric system. - Farkers in [This Thread](3D" mystified by = government opposition to farmers putting up solar panels. (Trust me, th= is one's gold.) Top Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest co= mments from the past week. (The Smartest and Funniest for the past month are found elsewhere.) If y= our post isn't here, assume the NotNewsletterMonkey couldn't think of a tag= line. Funny: - [When asked to tell a joke,](3D" Cousin[knew exactly which classic to pull out.](3D"htt=) -&= nbsp;Pocket Ninjagave us a whole paragraph on gun psych= ology. - Farking Clown Shoes[found a real-li= fe use of this niche reference.](3D") - AnotherBluesStringer[knows something that belongs on a trivia page.](3D"=) Sma= rt: - Ghastly[re-examined a childhood memory.=](3D" - BiffSpiffy[believes there's more to this st= ory. Somewhere.](3D" - SpectroBoy[knows why you c= an't hear the dialogue anymore.](3D") - MythDragon[l= aid out the choices this rental company could've made.](3D") - gunga galunga[laments the lesson Hollywood learned from the Barb= ie movie.](3D"http=) [Politics](3D"h=) Politics Funny: - Circusdog320[dug deep into Starship Troopers lore for a weig= ht joke.](3D"h=) - ChibiDebuHage[shared a message from= Reely-Real Believable Timelines Inc.](3D" - Klippoklondike[wrote a tale of ex-TFG lawyers.](3D"=) Politics Smart:= m> - leeksfromchichis[... so, just like TFG?](3D" - Magorn[noticed a wild story hidden in the article= .](=3D" - mjjt[realized if you keep digging, you'll = find some really stupid stories.](3D" - danvon[gave= advice to prospective attorneys.](3D") Monkey's Pick= I felt these posts were exceptionally funny or smart, even= though they didn't get many votes. Warning: Unsorted, may contain polit= ics. Funny: - A10Mechanic[: "Ain't= this indictment a geographical oddity?"](3D") - Koodz= g>[speculated on the contents of TFG's draft tweets.](3D") Smart: - dkulprit[: "[Cannon] is the nemesis to Hanl= on's razor."](3D" - brainlordmesomorph[realized why= the Doctor would never wear a plaid kilt.](3D") - Gordon Ben= nett[laments journalists taking their stories straight from Reddit= threads.](3D"=) [CSB](3D" Morning theme - "[Got Caught](3D" This week, Farker= s were asked to share the time(s) they got caught. [Smart](3D") - vud= ukungfu[became known as 'the guy with two girlfriends.'](3D".=) -&n= bsp;Auntie Cheesus... jesus, dealing with that at 12?= - Rent Party[caught some sailors in his void spac= e.](3D" [Funny=](3D"=): - hobnail[had a childhood rule return. - Recoil Therapy](3D" barely not caught.](3D" - The Pope of Manwich Village[fell apart under ques= tioning.](3D" - Johnson['forgot' an item.](3D" Top Contest EntriesSome of the top-voted [cont= est](3D"htt=) entries from last week. As always, everybody gets one - and no more= . RedZoneTuba killed it this week, obtaining top-v= oted posts in 9 of the 23 contests they entered. Of course, we won= 't show all of their posts here, but know this - they exist! [Photoshops](3D"): = - RedZoneTubagave this politician even more fashion= able boots. - kabloink['s cat knows what to d= o with lamps.](3D" - samsquatch[:-O](3D") - = ;Yammering_Splat_Vector[couldn't get out of the way of the= Beverly Hillbillies.](3D" - Snubnose[went to Petti= coat Junction.](3D") - Herb Utsmelz[noticed the Wiz= ard of Oz's new doorman-thing.](3D") - Wadded Beef[r= ealized too late what the gummies looked like.](3D") - Dodo D= avid[borrowed a helmet from a visiting Toon.](3D"=) - whatsupchuck[discovered a massive(ly) mad fold-in.](3D"https:=) - = Vortex Dweller[may soon discover the airborne velocity of= a falling Frenchman.](=3D" - dlarsen222['s dog had a= nother plan for the bed.](3D") - fisker[discovered a= bull-faced man.](3D") - [The Jetsons showed](=3D" ng>[the use of that little pod they mounted on top of their car.](3D") -&n= bsp;clovercat[found Keanu Reeves down on his luck.](=3D" wxboy[added one new face to the crowd - enough t= o make you realize how many others are looking at you.](=3D" - Thrakkorzog[reviewed some negotiation footage.](3D"https:=) - west.la.lawyer[is tripping out of this time.](3D"=) [Captions](3D"):"[Caption this wet-and-dry duo](3D")" - RedZoneTuba= rong>[tried to get back to Calvin.](3D") - EdgeRunner= >[feigned innocence.](3D") - Snubnose[knows why the= water's warm.](3D") "[Caption this "Do Not Want" moment](3D"=)= >" - RedZoneTuba[provided audio for this role reve= rsal.](3D" - OdradekRex[provided the scolding.](3D" Parallaxmade an intimidating threat. [Farkt= ography theme](3D"=): "[Crayola's Classic 8](3D"htt=)" This week, Fa= rkers were challenged to show us photos dominated by one color from the cla= ssic box of 8 crayons: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black, or = brown. - bikkurikun[visited the Emerald Isle.](3D" MorningBreath[observed a blue beach-bridge.](3D" bobug[captured the dew off a leaf.](=3D" - = ;Warthog[visited an outdoor pool.](3D"htt=) [= Upcoming Fark Parties](3D" It's easy to plan for a Fark Par= ty - you're effectively saying that "I'm going to be here at this time, com= e hang out." [Submit one!](3D"=) Fark Headlines of the Week A selection of some of the t= op headlines from last week. [Suspicious package found in Bel A= ir. Police looking for fresh prints](3D") [RIIIIIIIIIIIII-CO-Law](3D")[Fulton County grand jury in the proces= s of finding those missing Georgia votes for TFG](3D"=) [I went for a run t= his morning / I thought it a way to get fit / But the water flooding the bi= ke path / I found was a river of sh... Shaving Cream, be nice and clean / S= have every day and you'll always look keen](3D") [One adult shot at a Maryland tram= poline park. The suspect is still at large, authorities believe he is armed= and very good at skeet-shooting](3D") [Literal douche gets 10 ye= ars for abortion clinic firebombing](3D") [Paul Harvey: "It thinks it's a road and it ain't b= ecause it ain't got a brain and it can't tell that it's freshly poured conc= rete." And that's the rest of the story](3D") [Hillary strengthens to Catego= ry 4. BUT HER EMAILS](3D") You're right. No wildfire would stack books like this [Guess he left his Steal Liquor Not Hearts hat at home that day=](3D"=) Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Another= fun time on the Quiz last week, where we learned that Gucci's idea of gift= s for men weren't always things men want. On the Quiz itself, No Ca= tchy Nickname came out on top with 964, followed by B= igChad in second with 957 and PabloTheCat in= third with 917. Xanadone made fourth with 899. = and Denjiro rounds out the top five with 888. The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which company curr= ently owns DVD kiosk operator Redbox and is trying to get rid of it now tha= t streaming has become ubiquitous. Only 26% of quiztakers knew that the com= pany was owned by inspirational literature publisher Chicken Soup for the S= oul. They purchased Redbox in May 2022 for $375 million and assumed $325 mi= llion in debt, and it seems that's not getting paid down as quickly as they= had thought. They do own their own streaming services as well, Popcornflix= and Crackle Plus. The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz wa= s about where you can find the stone obelisk marking Trinity Site= where the United States first detonated an atomic bomb on July 16, 1945. 7= 2% of quiztakers knew that Robert Oppenheimer became death, destroyer of wo= rlds in the deserts of New Mexico. So it's kind of no wonder the aliens lan= ded there. The hardest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about = where to go to get overpriced hot BBQ wings as we wrap up baseball season a= nd get into football. Only 50% of quiztakers knew that with 1.250 locations= , Buffalo Wild Wings is the largest sports bar chain not just in the US, bu= t the world. Their closest competition, Hooters, has only 445 locations.&nb= sp; The easiest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about which f= ood brand was sending a "Convoy of Hope" filled with Hawaii's favorite proc= essed food to Maui in the wake of the disastrous fire. 96% of quiztake= rs knew that Hawaii consumes more SPAM than any other state, and it's not e= ven close. The canned ham-like substance became extremely popular there dur= ing WWII when it was a staple for the GIs stationed there. If= you missed out last week, now's a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz](3D" now t= hat you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winner= s, and we'll do it all again on Friday. --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") f= rom newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click here to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1692831362-28189-18140--