Fark NotNewsletter: Hello, Hello, Hello

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1683138494-62448-25703 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Facebook"](3D") [=3D"Twitter"](3D") [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [ 44884](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 Hello all! I'll be writing the NotNewsletter f= or the foreseeable future. I doubt I'll be able to perfectly replicate Diss= eminationMonkey's style, or even tone, but I see this as an opportunity to = experiment. You may see your old favorite sections return with a new spin, = or even entirely original sections. I might even try out new formats. I'm o= pen to suggestions! Point is, I'm excited to be writing for you all! = Edit: Fun fact! This morning, my keyboard stopped working, and this ac= count suddenly didn't have permission to post blogposts. I ended up writing= this in HTML! Who says wikia experience doesn't add up to anything? XOXO, NotNewsletterMonkey ___________________= _____ A message from Drew Curtis: &n= bsp; ________________________ Hey everyone hope your week'= s been well. The news cycle has been surprisingly quiet this week, = which is very strange given the time of year. Usually lulls come around hol= idays. I'm not sure I've ever seen one in early May. The Kentucky D= erby is this weekend, which is quite an event here locally. Folks from outs= ide the state ask me every year who I think will win. The answer is pretty = much anyone could win. 20 horses in the race, lots of crowding and bumping,= strange things happen. However good weather favors the odds-on-favorites, = and that's the forecast for this weekend. If you want to have the most pote= ntial fun, bet a bunch of trifecta boxes with middle-range odds horses in t= he mix. The top three favorites pretty much never come in 1st 2nd 3rd (in t= he Derby that is, other races not so much). If you can predict which oddbal= l(s) ends up in the mix, it'll blow your trifecta payout to the moon. If yo= u want to know about how much money you'll win, just multiply the odds toge= ther. For example, if you bet a trifecta of horses whose odds are 2:1, 10:1= , and 50:1, a $1 bet will pay roughly $1000 if you're right. It won't be ea= sy with so many horses in one race but if you're looking for a fun way to m= aybe make all your friends jealous, that's what I'd recommend. As f= or me, I'm getting dragged off to a sour beer festival in Nashville that da= y. Heather likes them, I'm just along for the ride. Speaking of, no= [Fark News Livestream](3D") this week - the news cycl= e is super slow. I had high hopes for today, but unfortunately it's still s= low. There's plenty of "the thing is the story" articles, but there's a lac= k of stories with slightly more depth to them. So we'll bag it this week an= d try again next week. ________________________ End&nbs= p;Drew transmission ________________________ = Top Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and fun= niest comments from the past week Comment Chains (new!):Sometimes, you Farkers are funny because of how you play off each other's= posts. C18H27NO3 and LordOfThePings= ng> were amused at[the intelligence of the= average driver.](3D"=) optikeye, NewportBarGuy= trong>, and Angry Drunk Bureaucrat discussed [the reason you don't poll high schoolers.](3D") scottydoesntknow kicked off [an = impromptu "post your large joint images" event](3D" which gained too many s= ubmissions to list individually. Funny: mongbio= hazard recommended [the one way to keep Jerry= Springer from rising from the grave](3D"=). AdmirableSnackbar= ong> marveled [at an interesting coincidenc= e](3D"=). Phil McKraken recounted [a late-night bingewatching session](3D". AAAAGGGGHHHH= trong> was [summoned by a related headline. sleze shared](3D".=)[a st= ory of childhood mischief.](3D" OdradekRex and O= ldRod made [some music puns.](3D"https://=)So= did Shostie, [here](3D"=). steklo = confirms that [guns summon rain= a>. The Third Man remembered](3D"https=)[AL TV.](3D" Mad-n-FL knows about [bear-brand beer](3D"). Mad Scientist is= in the running for ["best incomprehensible= british impression on the site."](3D"https://=) eKonk clearly bel= ieves [imitation is the sincerest form of f= lattery.](3D") Smart: make me some tea e= xplains [a better reason to not huff lawnmo= wer fumes.](3D"=) cowsaregoodeating knows [how to deal with the wrong kind of bird.](3D") Ki= ng Something knows that it could = always be worse. hardinparamedic laid out [where Elon differs from our perception of him.](3D")Lambskincoat compared gun ownership [to waiting to orgasm](3D"). WickerNipple kn= ows why [a certain population gets HPV](3D"=).= Pocket Ninja factchecked [a pollution claim, to predictable results.](3D" Politics Fun= ny: Goodness, it's difficult to write taglines for these politics p= osts. I might combine them with the standard "funny" and "smart" posts. = NewportBarGuy knows [why Captain America cryogenically froze himself.](3D" saturn ba= dger recorded [the reason our cyb= ersecurity is so terrible.](3D"https=) RodneyToady noticed that= [these college basketball players prefer= red listening to a political speech over exercise.](3D") Dr Dreide= l drew [a venn diagram of incels, = Excel, and them eating a fig. Watch out for the wasps!](3D".=) Poli= tics Smart: mofa shared [some fancy boots](3D". jars.traptone laments [how the phrase "you're tearing this family ap= art" is often misused](3D"). Driedsponge clearly remember= s [the old days of D&D.](3D") Angry Drunk Bureaucrat learned [s= omething new.](3D" Badmoodman noticed [a politician's eating habits](3D"). Impressively, red230 obtained a near-equal balance of "funny" and "smart" = votes with [their post about the correlatio= n between lead pipes and Trump voters.](3D".=) Top Contest Entries= u> Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week Photoshops: Yammering_Splat_Vector and Re= dZoneTuba ran the tables on the contests this week. Yam= mering_Splat_Vector knew exactly = what this outfit looked like, designed some [stylish toucan scissors](3D" noticed [these kids about to start an adventure](3D" and displayed [a more probable version of historical events.](3D") RedZoneTuba depicted war in = its dirtiest state, found [a snack](=3D" >, and put a [Wookie-looking-man in a tiki = band.](3D"=) retrophil experienced [amoré. A moray? One of the two. Either that or it's a Pi= zza Tower reference.](3D" retrophil believes[dogs deserve music too.](3D") samsquatch= rong> photographed [some adorable baby engi= ne parts in their nest.](3D"https://w=) Captions: RedZoneTu= ba is [watched by the tax cat](3D"=).= Farktography theme: "[Re= petitive](3D")" SoupGuru and MorningBreath= g> both took excellent photos. MorningBreath [took a walk in the park](3D"), while SoupGuru[took ins= piration from their own home](3D"https:/=). Upcoming Fark Parties S= aturday, June 24: [NYS Craft Brewer's Festival Party in Canalside, Buffalo,= NY](3D"https=) Fark Headlines of the Week A selection of some of= the top headlines from last week [Cancel culture a= t Fox News brings a sudden end to segments on sex-crazed pandas](3D") [DC Police Chief Ro= bert Contee wanted by the FBI](3D") [The Washington State Department of Natural Resourc= es asks that people refrain from taunting Washington State's volcanoes](3D")= [Emmet= t Tills false accuser is on her way to hell](3D"=) [But doctor, I am Pagliacci](3D") [Pakistan claims hot pants caused explosions. Well, 'electrical = shorts,' but that's close enough](3D") [Leg-lengthening surgery on the increase for men who wish to be a littl= e bit taller, a baller, a girl who looked good so they can call her, a rabb= it in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala](3D") [Turkish president suffers Coeur d'etat](3D") [Former mayor of Cincinnati, best known for writing= a check to a prostitute, has died](3D") [Beef tenderized by massive hail in Dubli= n Texas](3D") [Video shows former San Francisco fire commissioner= bear spraying homeless people in the Marina, despite the common knowledge = that bears are in the Castro](3D"https://=) [Guglielmo Marconi never said what the resident= s of Oak Park, Illinois did to upset him so, but many years later, he has b= een avenged](3D") ["All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousan= d Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they = must catch you"](3D"http=) [Farmers rally over = first lady's comments on banning dog meat, claim he's the true hero of Fall= out](3D"=) [1-year-old snatches handbag from = Princess Kate, will be put in the corner of the Tower of London](3D".=) [Do you believe in UFOs, astral proj= ections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinet= ic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of A= tlantis?](3D") Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Another fun time on last week's Quiz, where= we learned most people don't need their kitchen faucet connected to the In= ternet. On the Quiz itself, no one gets into the 1000 club, which is good b= ecause the restrooms are giving a 404 on the flush command on the app and d= on't even ask about the bidets. Denjiro came out on top wi= th 978, followed by Brewster in second with 928 and dionysusaur in third with 913. gunsmack ma= de fourth with 911, and BilliamJ came right beh= ind in fifth with 910. The hardest question on last week's Hard Qui= z was about the Mars Wrigley candy factory in Slough, UK, and how they chos= e to,,, let's say honor. er. honour King Chuck for his upcoming silly hat c= eremony. Only 27% of quiztakers knew that they constructed a 51-lb bust of = the guy out of chocolate. I'm gonna go ahead and guess they're going to go = all chocolate Easter bunny on it post-fuss and devour the ears first. The easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about which chemical c= ompany was about to lay off 10% of its workforce. 92% of quiztakers knew th= at it was 3M who took Dupont's cellophane and added a transparent glue to m= ake the world's first transparent tape. Thankfully, once the patent ran out= they had Romy and Michelle around to invent Post-Its to keep the company p= rofitable, No word yet if they're part of the lay-offs. The hardest= question on last week's Easy Quiz was about the critter a trio of drug tra= ffickers brought along on their M74 run in Scotland. Only 57% of quiztakers= recognized that "ovine" refers to a sheep, in this case a baby lamb. The w= ord "caprine", from the Latin "caper", refers to goats and goat-like things= . So feel free to tell your jazz bassist friend how much you like his capri= ne beard the next time he dials up the funk. The easiest= question on last week's Easy Quiz was about what you could = fill up your random containers with at 7-Eleven last Saturday for a mere $2= , 92% of quiztakers knew that Saturday was Bring Your Own Cup Day, where yo= u could fill darn near anything with ice and sugar for the price of a losin= g lottery ticket. If you couldn't find a convenient flower pot, tea kettle,= or boot, don't worry, because July 11 will be Free Slurpee Day where you c= an get a free 8 oz frozen fix to dump an airplane bottle of spiced rum into= , because come on, what else are you gonna do with 8 oz. of Slurpee? --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") from newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click her= e to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1683138494-62448-25703--