Fark NotNewsletter: Gravity hurts

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1661974572-46295-43520 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Facebook"](3D") [=3D"Twitter"](3D") [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [ 38234](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 In case you somehow missed it, the funniest st= ory from last week was about a giant slide in Detroit's Belle Isle Park. Th= is slide, as the name suggests, is giant. It's also metal and wavy. These w= aves are really just huge ramps that launch people into the air over and ov= er, only for them to come to a hard landing on the next part of the unforgi= ving slide. There are many videos, but the best comment about the slide cam= e from a kid who regretted his decision to try it out. "[Gravity hurts](3D")," he wisely said. = Videos of people ouching their way down the giant slide have been plentiful= , and of course [there are songs](3D".=). The funniest= part of all of this is how many people witness riders getting absolutely a= bused by this slide, and then go ahead and "slide" down it themselves. That= phenomenon is wonderfully dramatized in [this video on Twitter](3D"). The giant slide = is both a punishment and a gift. And it's one story where it actually pays = to read the comments. XOXO, DisseminationMonkey= rong> ________________________ A message from Drew Curtis: ________________________ = Hey everyone, hope your week's been well. Mine's been stranger= than most. Friday morning, my daughter said she had a sore throat an= d a fever, so she stayed home from middle school. I took my younger s= on to high school like normal, stopped at CVS for a COVID test because we'v= e used all ours up already, gave it to her, and she tested positive the min= ute the liquid hit the strip. It was so bright it outshone the exampl= e on the package. Turns out, as of this moment anyhow, = she wasn't able to infect anyone else in the house. Which is surprisi= ng considering we had a multi-hour tv night the night before with all of us= sitting in the same room together. I'm guessing the overhead fan bei= ng on probably helped, although I don't know for sure. I still haven'= t had COVID yet to my knowledge, although I've been exposed literally dozen= s of times at this point. We do a lot of testing at my house, which i= s why we ran out of tests in the first place. All five of us caught s= omething back in March that I jokingly referred to as "not-COVID" because, = well, it was not COVID - not one of us tested positive. Anyhow I've g= ot a new test stockpile so we can find out when she tests negative. &n= bsp; I'm struck by how long this pandemic has been going on - so lo= ng that when it first began, I made the decision that if one of the kids go= t COVID, I'd go down in the basement with them into quarantine whether I wa= s sick or not. They were too little back then, they'd be scared and a= lone. I couldn't let them ride out COVID alone. W= hat a difference two and a half years makes. Now all the kids are stinky-as= s teenagers. My daughter's in middle school and is 13 going 30, indep= endent and resourceful. We had dinner on the back deck the first nigh= t and I offered to join her if she was lonely or scared. "Hell no," s= he said, "I'm loving it down there. I don't want roommates." So= I guess she's living the dream. We've been hanging out= outside on the back porch in the evenings, socially distanced of course.&n= bsp; Her fever has gone away but she's still got a slight cough. = ; And she's still testing positive as hell, but otherwise COVID has been a = mild cold for her. You never know how things will play out, though.&n= bsp; Yesterday, her brothers helped me move her desktop compu= ter downstairs, under the deck outside next to the basement doors, along wi= th a folding table and a chair. We left and she came out, pulled it i= nside herself, and hooked everything up. I heard her loudly playing G= enshin Impact with her friends from school after midnight last night so I g= uess it's going well. I don't know why the other kids were up so late but w= hatever, not my problem. For all I know she's determined to live down= there until after college, or longer. Tonight is pizza night and she= has asked for her own large pizza so that she can eat it for the next 24 h= ours like a college student. I swear my house is like living in a dor= m sometimes. Anyhow, turns out the equipment I use for = the [Fark News Livestream](3D") is down there in the c= ontamination zone. Since the whole basement is likely filled with COV= ID particles, that means no livestream this week. With boosters comin= g out next month, I think I'd like to hold off testing if I'm immune or jus= t lucky, because it's probably the latter. I got WHAMed last year on = December 23 though, and I'm starting to wonder if the same thing will happe= n to me with COVID. We'll see. Stay safe out ther= e everyone. ________________________ End D= rew transmission ________________________ = Top Comments Som= e of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week Funny: vudukungfu talked about [having pansexual friends](3D") eKonk = trong> claimed to have been arrested = over a huge misunderstanding Diagonal gets [an unusual comment in job interviews](3D") = MillionDollarMo explained [the difference between two different rooster-based names](3D" Demetrius apparently had [problems that were caused by something other than jazz](3D" Ma= dman drummers bummers had thoughts about [a New Jersey town's pier that's being rebuilt in the shape of= a cross](3D") robertus took a guess at [what kind of large beast a woman was walking in a vir= al video](3D") Ass_Master_Flash pointed out [what was happening in a video where a man drank b= eer through a straw made out of a hot dog](3D") gopher321 = > figured out [the origins of a gun th= at was seized by Toronto police](3D"https://w=) Sleeper_agent disc= overed [having something in common wit= h another Farker](3D"=) Smart: Redh8t go= t to see [a part of China that's usual= ly hidden](3D"=) a_room_with_a_moose [realized it was time for a change](3D") Bootleg = ong> thought there could be another r= eason for studies to show more Americans are smoking the sin spinach Psychopusher knew [exactly why a man drank his beer through a hollowed-out hot dog](3D" DiDGr8 [wasn't sure if Pointy Tail of Satan was trying to compliment Elon Musk or no= t](3D"https=) educated discussed [how women's health care needs are especially ignored in prison](3D" Russ1642 revealed [this one weird trick for saving money on an alarm clock](3D" b= aronbloodbath had a suggest= ion for people who get deliveries to their homes CSB Sunday= Morning theme: [Using a= BBS, online service (such as AOL, CompuServe, Prodigy, etc.) or dial-up in= ternet in the '90s](3D"ht=) Smart: JK8Fan's&nb= sp;[spouse was lured away by a smooth-typin= g Canadian](3D") Funny: ruudbob [can't blame the modem anymore](3D") Politi= cs Funny: I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That [beat Donald Trump Jr.'s dad's alleged BDE](3D") plecos figured out [what the redacted Mar-a-Lago search affidavit means](3D" Ivo Sh= andor was able to spot a fa= ke Ben Garrison comic saywhonow [spoke for Libertarians](3D") Sliding Carp = g> shared [the judge's reaction to a m= otion filed by Trump's lawyers in regards to the records seized from Mar-a-= Lago](3D"=) Politics Smart: incendi gave= some information about [what a couple= of abbreviations from the Mar-a-Lago search affidavit mean](3D=) = Redh8t reminded us what som= eone who was arguing to make a "sanitized form" of the documents that were = liberated from Trump public is widely known for Badmoodman discussed [financial prioriti= es of some opponents of student loan forgiveness](3D"http=) TheOnion = strong> looked at [economic legislati= on that was passed when Republicans controlled the House, Senate, and White= House](3D"https=) Elliot8654 listed [some of Joe Biden's accomplishments as president](3D") = Top Contest Entries = Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week Photos= hops: samsquatch [put the genie in the bottle](3D" RedZoneTuba [puffed up Prince's purple guitar](3D") wh= atsupchuck [drove a Saturn throug= h space](3D"https:/=) I_Am_Weasel filmed [the elusive giant water squirrel](3D") samsquatch= [fired up the death ray](3D".=) Yammering_Splat_Vector [ga= ve Beatrice a hat to top her sister's](3D" artifishy [took off in a secret spaceship](3D") whatsupchuck found [touris= ts disrespecting a popular landmark](3D" Yammering_Splat_Vector [gave this cassowary a family](3D"=)artifishy [cast a fre= aky spell](=3D" Captions: From [Caption this Far Side cartoon come to life](3D"): I Ate Shergar [remembered a coup= le things](3D"htt=) MathProf [went out to find Dad](3D" Shostie [was being pushy](3D") Farktography theme: = ;[Ooh Shiny](3D") kittyhas1000legs= snapped [a neighbor's class= ic Pontiac hood ornament](3D"http=) = Fark Headlines of the Week A selection of some of the= top headlines from last week [On this day i= n history, in 1485, King Richard III was defeated and killed at the Battle = of Bosworth Field by Henry Tudor, ending the War of the Roses and ushering = in the era of the Tudor Sedan](3D") [Deer wanders into Dollar General, blames Biden for in= flationary prices: "I used to be able to get things here for a buck"](3D") ["You got the affidav= it?" "No, I got alladavit"](3D") [Worker injured at Santa's Vi= llage. No word if the incident was elf-inflicted](3D") [Oakland police investigate reports that a couple was having= sex in the stands of an Oakland A's game on Sunday. Well, at least they fo= und a place where they'd get some privacy](3D") [Remember that judge who ruled that a 16-ye= ar-old was "too immature" to get an abortion but was "mature enough" to be = forced to give birth against her will? The voters aborted his career last n= ight](3D") [Newman's= Own being sued by Newman's ow](3D"=) [Are you a disgraced white g= uy famous for making bad decisions and blowing shareholder money on outrage= ous parties? Here, have another $350 million](3D") [This should bright= en your day if you have a mouse with lupus](3D") [Japanese startup selling special eyeglasses that= they claim can cure myopia. We will try them on, and then we'll see](3D") [Magic mushrooms may help= heavy drinkers cut back or quit. Well, you wouldn't drink from a bottle th= at talked back](3D") Fark We= ird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy= g>) Another fun time on the Quiz last week once I got the question = limiter sorted. bud jones came out on top with a scor= e of 1025, followed by Captain Orr in second wit= h 1019 and relaxitsjustme in third with 986. Denjiro made fourth with 981 and Ralph Phillips made fifth with 950. Honorable mentions go to whither= _apophis who scored 1196 and baka-san who sc= ored 1018 - but they had more questions to work with than everyone else.&nb= sp; The hardest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about Ye= rbae and their new "pumpkin spice latte" flavor because pumpkin spice is so= cutting edge these days, Only 37% of quiztakers recognized Yerbae as the m= aker of "naturally caffeinated" energy drinks. I'm not sure what "naturally= caffeinated" means because I don't think the carbonated beverage tree= s they harvest the cans from have caffeine already in them, Th= e easiest question on last week's Hard Quiz was about the photograph titled= "The Roaring Lion" and its theft from the Canadian hotel it was stayi= ng at. 87% of quiztakers identified the photograph as the iconic image of a= frowning Winston Churchill, According to the photographer, the grimacing l= ook was actually anger at the photographer himself who had just grabbed Chu= rchill's omnipresent cigar from his mouth because the smoke would inte= rfere with the image. The hardest question on last week's Eas= y Quiz was about the new musical "Tammy Faye" and its Oscar-winning writer.= Only 59% of quiztakers recognized the work of Sir Elton John, who won Osca= rs for "The Lion King" and "Rocketman" and I think we'd all be just fine if= he sat out any more on-screen cameos in the Kingsman series. Although he h= as been nominated four times, Sting has never won an Oscar. The eas= iest question on last week's Easy Quiz was about the NES video game console= . 89% of quiztakers recognized the gold cartridge as belonging to the origi= nal "The Legend of Zelda", which also featured a battery inside that = saved your game progress. That was straight-up magic to us kids who mowed y= ards all summer to get it. If you missed out last week, now's= a great time to [catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz](3D"https:=).= Congratulations to the winners, and we'll be doing it all again on Friday.= --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") from newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. 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