Fark NotNewsletter: Farkers requested this new feature, I swear

This is a multi-part message in MIME format... ------------=_1641412759-26369-53999 Content-Type: text/html Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [3D"The](3D")= > [3D"Facebook"](3D") [=3D"Twitter"](3D") [3D"Totalfark"](3D") Having trouble reading thi= s email? View it online [here](3D". Comments thread: [ 32451](3D" Unsubscribe links are at the bottom of this message. =20 =20 ________________________ A message = from Drew Curtis: ____________________= ____ Hey everyone, hope your New Year's been well. The = [SwearJar](3D") is finally here! We've = tested it and it looks ready to go, but no doubt something else will crop u= p, so let us know if/when it does. It's 20 [FarkUnits](3D" (FUs) t= o use the SwearJar. Early on someone pointed out that at 20 FUs, most= people wouldn't want to use the Swear Jar. Turns out that's exactly = the point - if everyone used it all the time, it wouldn't be fun. As = always, suggestions and ideas are welcome. Especially UI/UX suggestio= ns. Feel free to drop me an email. January is the best time of the y= ear for everyone to [sign up for TotalFark](3D"https://=), by the way. = Ad revenues always drop hard in January, and this year is no exception - d= own by half again as per usual. So if you were thinking of jumping in= , now's the time! As an added bonus, you can use FUs for both the Swe= arJar and a TotalFark subscription. And for the next features we add = - speaking of which, we'll be asking TotalFarkers in the near future what t= he next feature should be. I've got a list already from a previous di= scussion. More soon. This week on Thursday, January 6 at = 4 p.m. Eastern it's the return of the [Fark News Liv= estream](3D"), New Year's Eve edition. We'll touch omicron briefly, but= not long enough to be a misdemeanor. Lots of weird weather news, her= o dogs, a giant shiny metal asteroid, and a list of stuff to buy at the sto= re before the hoarding hits high gear. Come join us! ___________________= _____ End Drew transmission _____= ___________________ To= p Comments Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest co= mments from the past week Funny: SBinRR = > explained [what happened to John Mad= den](3D"=) PoweredByIrony considered [how terrible a man who mistook his daughter for an intrud= er and shot and killed her will feel](3D") TheMaskedArmadillo = rong> [fondly remembered John Madden](3D") Driedsponge [defended t= he dad who shot his daughter because he thought she was an intruder](=3D" = scobee1210 criticized [the priorities of a man who ranted about COVID vaccines before setting h= imself on fire](3D" Harry Freakstorm described [how to tell a fake vaccine card from a real o= ne](3D") LordBeavis wanted [the Department of Defense to take stronger actions against problem= airline passengers](3D" bearded clamorer [wasn't all that impressed by the James Webb Space Teles= cope](3D") Lambskincoat commented about [allegations that a CEO made male employees visit brot= hels and strip clubs](3D") Combustion shared [what it was like back when Charlie Chaplin was a= Farker](3D") Smart: Barricaded Gunman h= ad [helpful information if you don't w= ant to get vaccinated and take other precautions](3D") Demetrius explained [why Betty White di= ed right after People Magazine put out an issue celebrating her upcoming 10= 0th birthday](3D"http=) phimuskapsi told us about [Great Grandma who lived to the age of 101](3D") namegoeshere reminded us that [as bad as everything might seem right now, it's actually worse hardinparamedic figured that](3D" a good idea to learn how to not murder someone while = you're doing your job](3D") Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen point= ed out [how a lot of people will remem= ber John Madden](3D"=) kokomo61 described [how an experienced and competent gun owner should ha= ndle a possible break-in](3D") hubiestubert shared = [what it's like to be conscious but unable = to move or communicate while hospital staff think you're basically gone](3D")= CSB Sunday Morning: [Job interviews - the good, the bad, and t= he surreal](3D") Smart: ElPrimitivo [got a job at Denny's](3D") Funny:&nbs= p;MorningBreath intervie= wed a man from a parallel universe CSB [Cool Story, Bro] Sunday = Morning is a thread for Farkers to share true stories from their own lives = based on a weekly topic. If you have a topic idea for a CSB Sunday Morning = thread, please [contact Farkback](3D"https://=) ahead of time, or just = submit it on Saturday afternoon/evening. Please note: While submitted C= SB Sunday Morning threads have a high likelihood of being greenlit, there i= s no guarantee they will be. Politics Funny: AstroJesus wondered if [th= e Farker who submitted the news flash about Ghislaine Maxwell's conviction = was ghilty](3D" Mr. Coffee Nerves explained [what's really happening in Florida](3D") kevorting noticed something about [a man who sent Eric Swalwell messages saying he should be "hung" a= nd shot](3D" beerrun had some idea of [why Ron DeSantis had been largely invisible lately](3D")= Harry Freakstorm knew of [the kind of trick that won't work on Madison Cawthorn](3D" Politics Smart: educated pointed out that&n= bsp;[low pay isn't the only reason many com= panies are having trouble hiring](3D") Martian_Astronomer = > had ideas for [how anti-vaxxers can = receive medical care that's compatible with their beliefs](3D"https:/=) Bo= otleg had [a plan to get one= of those jobs where it doesn't matter how much it pays](3D"htt=) edmo= [suggested experimenting on COVI= D deniers](3D".=) Circusdog320 had news for [people who refuse to get vaccinated against COVID-1= 9](3D") Top Contest Entries= > Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week Photoshops: jaylight2003 [got the side-eye from this fancy cat](3D") RedZoneTu= ba went with [the "distracte= d boyfriend" meme](3D"=) Yammering_Splat_Vector revealed&= nbsp;[how different some of the "Star Wars"= actors looked off camera](3D") Yammering_Splat_Vector m= ade [a smug marshmallow](3D"=) Yammering_Splat_Vector showed [a group of stoned faces](3D" kabloink discovered&nb= sp;[what David's brother looked like](3D") Yammering_Splat_Vector looked for [the hide-and-seek champion](3D") Yammering_Splat_= Vector remembered to [save t= he liver](3D" Parallax predicted that [cats are going to live it up in 2022](3D") Ya= mmering_Splat_Vector showed [someone who's about to give sharks some bad ideas](3D" Fartist = Friday: [Happy Gnu Ears](3D"=) RedZoneTuba= [drew a blue gnu](3D".=) = This week's Fartist Friday theme, brought to you by E-bra= ke: We'll celebrate [Nation al Word Nerd Day](3D") by creating "[Eye Rhymes](3D")" using words that look a= like but don't sound alike. For example, rough/bough; love/move; wind/= bind, etc. Our contest's theme to ring in this new year= : create "Eye Rhymes" about our hopes for 2022. Farktography= : [Itsy Bitsy Teeny = Weeny](3D"=) orionid revealed [the dramatic appearance of magnified chipped paint](3D" Fark Headlines of the Week= > A selection of some of the top headlines from last week [First opening its doors in 1800, the First Pr= esbyterian Church of Bellefonte has seen its last Day-O](3D") [John Madden has passed away. He will be buried in a c= asket, in a chicken, in a duck, in a turkey](3D") [Tomorrow morning, Athens will awaken to new COVID-= 19 measures. But then, dawn has always been tough on Greece](3D") [Ghilty](3D") Mississippians Miss Miss Mississippi [Not to be anal, but yes, tildes are imp= ortant](3D") [Giant= s OT Matt Peart held out after knee injury. Giants don't want to roll the b= ones and Rush him back, as much as he loves the limelight, doctors saw subd= ivisions and hope his knee doesn't need the caress of steel](3D"=) [Trump reportedly suffers "mel= tdown in Mar-a-Lago" as the 1/6 committee is reportedly closing in on him, = which hopefully will be followed by him being "Livid in Leavenworth" or "Fr= eaking out in Florence"](3D") Texas goes full socialist, begs Brandon to save th= e day [Compensate for the lobster tail's low-fat content by rol= ling them in mayo and ranch-seasoned bread crumbs before sticking them in y= our new air fryer](3D"=) [Oh great, now we have to tame 14 new species of shrews](3D=)[Ancient dinosaur tracks= discovered on Welsh beach. Paleontologists name it Pwllgwyndnnrllengwyngyl= lasaur](3D".=) Fark Weird News Q= uiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy) Another fun time on the Quiz this week, and we have three people with tick= ets to the 1000 Club, Unfortunately, due to... um, "supply chain issues,"&n= bsp;we didn't get in a copy of "Spider-Man: No Way Home" and so we'll be sh= owing "The Amazing Spider-Man 2." I mean, they have some of the s= ame actors, right? Luckily we have plenty of leftover candy corn for snacks= . On the scoreboard, FrancoFile came out on top with 1047,= followed by TwoHead in second with 1022 and Autoerotic Defenestration in third with 1014. Th= e Third Man made fourth with 995, and oldernell= ng> came in fifth with 983. The hardest question on this week's Hard= Quiz was about KFC in Japan and their now-"traditional" Christmas Party Ba= rrel. Only 36% of quiztakers knew that the ¥3700 (~$32 American) b= ucket also comes with Japanese Christmas cake and a bottle of sparkling whi= te wine - because even the Japanese have figured out that wine helps make t= ime with your family go by a little bit easier. They give us weird anime, a= nd we return the favor with unhealthy food and booze, so I'm gonna say we'r= e even on this one. The easiest question on the Hard Quiz was about = which Confederate statue gave us another time capsule last week. 93% of qui= ztakers knew that Richmond, VA until recently held a statue of Confederate = general Robert E. Lee. I'm gonna say that the fact that they buried those t= ime capsules in the foundation of the statue meant that even they knew back= then it was coming down eventually. The hardest question on t= his week's' Hard Quiz was about a job opening on Piel Island in the UK. Onl= y 48% of quiztakers caught the article about the old island and its ruined = castle and its history that dates back to the late 1400s and the War of the= Roses. The area had sided against King Henry, and so fast-forward a couple= of centuries and they decided to have their own king of the island. And wh= o would be more qualified to be a king than the "landlord" of the pub - i.e= ., the guy who pulled pints and managed the place. Can't say I argue with t= he logic, nor the tradition of dousing the new pubmaster with beer instead = of beating him around the head and neck with a sword. The easi= est question on the Easy Quiz was about the French term "carte blanche" 94%= of quiztakers knew this literally meant "blank document," as in a sig= ned order left for the recipient to fill in - thus how we use it in America= to mean "freedom to accomplish a task in the matter one sees fit." As= opposed to Cate Blanchette, who is an actress, or "carb blanch," whic= h is when you boil potatoes and then immediately stick them in ice water to= keep them slightly crispy. If you missed out on last week's Q= uiz, [be sure to catch up on the Fark Weird News Quiz](3D") now th= at you know a few of the answers. Congratulations once again to the winners= , and we'll be doing it all again this week. --------------------------------------------------------------- ([Fark.com](3D"") sent this newsletter emai= l to: {EMAIL}) To stop these emails, go to the Notifications tab of your [MyFark profile](3D"https:=) to change your subscription preferences. Or, [click here to unsubscribe](3D") from newsletter emails, even if your Fark login isn't '{NAME}'. [Click her= e to unsubscribe from ALL Fark emails](3D"). Fark, Inc. PO Box 1291, Versailles KY 40383 = ------------=_1641412759-26369-53999--